Spoiled Sweetly

Time to dust off the blog . . .

2011-09-21T20:20:00.000-07:00

Here we are again.

See, here's the thing. I don't have time to be on the computer. I get it now. And I apologize to all of my friends who I may have mocked for not checking their email more or updated their blogs more or whatever. Two kids ages 2 and under makes that pretty stinking difficult. So, here it is:

I am very sorry.

There is way too much to update on, but I will do my best to start adding some fun back to this dusty, old, forgotten corner of the internet.

It will come as no surprise to you if I say that all of my children are growing like weeds. But I said it anyway. Ha!

Soren has most definitely passed me up in height. He seems to have flung full force into a growth spurt that can't be stopped. This year was the start of 8th grade for him and, loser that I am, I missed that "first day of school" picture. I suppose he is getting too old to be bothered by them anymore, but I am sad I missed it. Bad mommy! The school schedule this year was adjusted a bit, 5 periods instead of 6, so that threw us for a day or two. He is working hard already and I expect that trend will continue. Two of his classes qualify for high school credits, so he only has a little bit of stress to get awesome grades. . . . haha! This year he is doing wrestling for the first time and has plans to participate in basketball, and track. I'm also attempting to find some soccer team for him. Piano lessons started in October as well as Jazz band. This is where I would toss in a picture of him, but unfortunately they are on my phone and . . . yeah, I am not smart enough to get them onto the computer right now. Let it be noted that he grows more handsome and grown up every day but I still can see that mischievous twinkle in his eye that he's had since the day he was born. LOVE THIS KID! Erm, I mean . . . young man.

Caroline . . . where do I start with this girl. WOW did the Lord ... erm... bless me... with ... her? She is my challenge. Every. single. day. I love her to bits, but she and I definitely butt heads. Frequently. I am learning to choose my battles and yet still teach her valuable lessons (like that mom is the boss! haha!) every time we have a struggle. We still have a few issues now and then with the potty, but we really are through the tough part (I hope)! My princess will be three years old on Friday and that pretty much freaks me out. I can't believe how fast (sometimes) it has gone. It is fun to see her really begin to embrace pretending and playing. She also is in a pre-ballet class, which is like heaven for her. It seems like she has a smile on her face the entire time she is dancing. LOVE IT!

My baby boy, Henry, is just an absolute joy and his smile is the sunshine that starts my day (usually earlier than I want to be up, but that smile seriously saves him - and me!). He is huge - just over 20lbs, and loves people. The kid smiles at anyone and tries desperately to catch the eyes of strangers at the store so he can give him a grin. He is working on cutting tooth number 4 (so close!) so we've had lots of tears and even more drool!! Henry is very aware of all the people in the house - he knows daddy and will almost leap out of my arms while saying "dadadada" if Alan is in the room. Soren is bababa (brother) and they adore each other. Caroline is not an easy word to say and neither is sister, but he knows who she is and I can see his little brain calculating ways to outsmart her so he can get his hands on the many toys she tries to hide/take from him. I think he is plotting a takeover and it will begin the minute he is a stable walker, but maybe before! I figure he will outweigh her in 3-6 months easily, so that will help in his battle. Crawling is just around the corner, but for now he is scooting around, rolling around, and rocking around on his knees/hands while he tries to figure out the coordination that crawling will involve. LOVE my Henry!!!

So that is a quick run down of the kiddos. Alan and I both are working hard to keep things running as smoothly as possible here at home. Our house was hit with various illnesses for pretty much all of October, but I think we're all on the mend now and hope to be able to fight off the sickies for the holiday season.

I did have an interesting (to me anyway) thought today as I sat on the floor, Caroline in my lap and Henry crawling around me. Caroline was watching Toy Story and I was contemplating how much laundry I needed to do, how badly the floors need to be swept/washed, and how desperate I was to get the laundry room organized (again) when it hit me . . . 100 years ago - even 50 years ago - the day to day responsibilities in taking care of a home were much more complex. There weren't nearly as many conveniences to help with things like laundry, dishes, cooking, etc. I believe that one of the reasons we have the many time savers that we do today is to allow us to spend quality time with our children. They need us more now than ever. The world is a scary place with so many twists and turns that will pull our children down paths that no one should be on! It is so important for them to get the guidance, love, and care that they need in order to arm them before they walk out the door - either each morning or when they leave our homes to live on their own. I'm grateful the dishwasher is washing the dishes this morning so that I was able to love on my kiddos. I am so happy to have a washer and dryer to do laundry while I put puzzles together and play peek a boo. I love my crock pot because it makes the hours after 4pm a little more bearable on the days I remember to load it up and plug it in.

Anyway, those are my thoughts this morning! :) Hopefully next time I update I will have lots of pictures to throw on here, too! Today, however, words will have to have to suffice!

April is over?

2011-05-11T13:17:00.000-07:00

(If you are viewing this via facebook and can not see any pictures, please head to my blog at ladyshanae.blogspot.com)

How in the world is time flying so quickly?? Didn't I just update this blog? Guess not! Haha!

April was a great month for our family! Henry was blessed on April 10th and we were able to have lots of family here for the event. Both of my brothers were there and 6 of the 8 kids in Alan's family were able to be here with their families as well as Alan's parents. We were so thrilled to see all of them and missed those who weren't able to come - including my parents who are over in the Philippines.

Here are some pictures of the big day!

The group of us (sans my one brother and his wife who had to leave early):

Our family with a cranky 2 year old:

A few shots of Henry, our happy little handsome boy:

Oh my goodness, don't you just want to eat him up? He's so flippin' cute. Ok, here's one more:

My parents sent this outfit from the Philippines and it looked adorable on him - even if the shorts were a little off season. It was such a special day and we loved being surrounded by family.

I wish I had taken pictures of all the fun we had while the family was here. They started arriving the Friday before the blessing and the last ones didn't roll out until the Thursday following. Caroline LOVED having cousins here and Soren enjoyed it as well, though I think he had the most fun with his uncle Stephen, who is only a few years older than him. Henry enjoyed all the cuddles and smiles! And Alan and I enjoyed visiting. Good times!

Soren has had a few band concerts and one of these days I will upload all of the video footage we have of him. . . he's kind of amazing. I tried to upload one via blogger, but it took hours and didn't work, so I will get some up on youtube soon. He is loving playing the piano in jazz band, though I think there are times he longs for the trumpet. I think in the past month he has had 2 jazz band concerts and a regular band concert as well! It wouldn't surprise me if Soren is really looking forward to the summer. He's been very busy the past month or so with band, track, scouts, and other responsibilities. I sure love him and all that he does. He's an awesome kiddo.

Caroline has turned a corner in the land of potty training. What a relief for all of us! She also has been showing so much love and affection to her "Baby Henry." It's adorable!

Just look at the love on that girl's face! While I'm trying to enjoy every second of Henry's "babyhood," I also am looking forward to the time that I can watch the two of them play together. Caroline is also becoming more and more independent. When we ask her if she needs help, we often here, "No, I good," or "No, I got." Rarely does she say these things in any kind of mean tone, just very matter of fact. And a lot of times she does "got." Haha! It's fun to watch her grow and learn!

Our little Henry is not so little anymore. I mean, yeah, he's still a baby, but wow is he getting big and heavy! At his 4 month checkup he was nearly 14lbs and 26 inches long! Lugging him around in his carseat is definitely akin to a work out in the weight room. Geez! I love his little chubby legs and cheeks and tummy! He's also started "talking" to us. Sometimes when he's eating he'll just stop and look at me and start making noises. Too cute! And when he gets angry he sounds like a little tiger cub. Hard to take that seriously . . . hee hee! We are slowly working on spending more time on the floor so he can learn to roll over, but I know that will come eventually, so I'm not worried. He can take his time.

As for me, I'm tired most of the time - still trying to learn to juggle two little people as well as keep up with my almost teenager. (OH MY GOODNESS . . . Soren is going to be an officially REAL teenager in 2.5 months. UGH!) I try to keep up with housework, but it often falls by the wayside. Still working on finding a balance in life. I know I will get there. I've been trying for months to finish 2 books. I'll keep trying. And whenever I can find an adult conversation, I am there! Although socializing with telemarketers generally makes for an awkward afternoon. I much prefer to chat with friends. :) I'll get our new normal figured out soon and hopefully that will free me up to do some things for me - aside from sleeping and eating (when I remember).

My little tiger cub is complaining. Time to go!

The Latest....

2011-04-07T20:36:00.000-07:00

Oh, life. How I want to enjoy you daily!

Life pretty much consists of chasing a toddler to the bathroom and feeding a baby. And sometimes attempting both at the same time.

Caroline is still struggling with potty training, but I know she'll get it eventually. We had a really good run where she was only having trouble with #2 and #1 was easy peasy lemon squeezy. No pun intended. However, then we had some major trauma with #2 and she is now struggling with both again. We are working on solutions and I'm trying not to lose my mind. However, I will not be putting her back in diapers, so please don't suggest that ;) Otherwise she is such a cute little source of laughter and joy in our house. I love it when she gets excited about something and her eyes light up. I love that she still wants to snuggle with me still. I love to watch her with her brothers. I love listening to her cute little voice requesting things. I LOVE listening to her recap her day for her daddy when he gets home. I love watching her play with her toys. I love reading books with her. I love chasing her around and listening to her giggle. I just love this girl, stubbornness included! She wouldn't be Caroline without the added dose of spice!

Soren is a pretty amazing kid. Heavenly Father sure blessed me something crazy with this guy. Most of the time he jumps up without complaint to help out with almost anything he is asked. This makes the times he rolls his eyes, sighs loudly, or asks why a little frustrating, but I'm grateful that they are few in comparison to how much is asked of him. He is a great kid and I love him. Soren has been fighting with allergies and some nasty virus for a couple weeks now, but that hasn't stopped him from working hard with his school work and continuing to excel in band. I love listening to him perform and I really need to upload some of his concert footage. I also really enjoy listening to him tinker on the piano. His piano teacher is out of commission (she just had a baby) for a while, but that hasn't stopped him from taking the initiative to learn a few songs on his own. Not only that, but Soren also pitches in when it comes to cooking and baking. And to top it all of, he is very helpful with his siblings. It's so fun to watch him with Caroline and Henry and see the joy on his face (most of the time haha).

Henry is now 3 months old and when he isn't hungry or tired he is full of smiles and laughter. Most of the time he sleeps wonderfully - plenty of naps during the day (even with all the screaming that his sister serenades him with) and he has generally been sleeping well at night, though we have some off days now and again. He is growing like crazy! I think I am too late on a few of his 3-6 month outfits . . . the kid is LONG! Not that surprising, though. This weekend is extra special for our Henry! This Sunday he will be blessed at church. This is the longest we have waited to bless one of our kiddos, but worth it because so much family is able to be here. Hooray!

So that's the latest. Alan's still working hard, I'm still being a momma. And while it's challenging, the rewards are worth it.

Frustrated

2011-03-22T14:25:00.001-07:00

Let me preface all of this with saying that I love my family, I'm grateful for them, and I know I have many blessings. But sometimes it just feels good to vent.

1 - Potty training is horrible and is ruining nap time which just creates a cycle of drama that culminates in me feeling like a failure by the end of the day.
2 - Newborns who wake up to eat then go back to sleep without much of a problem in a crib are great. Until they decide that they don't want to be put down to sleep anymore but would much rather be held. And then if you put them down they wake up really angry because they are tired and you put them down and now they are awake.
3 - Toddlers who finally figure out there is someone smaller in the house have a tendency to suddenly need mom more, want to be "up" all the time, and decide that, if that doesn't work, they'll just start hitting everyone. It's awesome.
4 - Nearly 3 months into sleep deprivation, mama's temper starts to come out more and more.
5 - Toddlers who know how to push mama's buttons tend to do so just to see the angry monster come out. As a parent, it sucks when it works and you find yourself irrationally angry at a two year old.
6 - Feelings of inadequacy suck, too. Don't even get me started on the feelings of inadequacy. I can't count how many times I have felt sorry for Alan and Soren when they've walked through the door after work/school.
7 - Being a mom is hard work. Really hard.
8 - Crying is therapeutic, but I still hate it.

I know this is just a moment in time, that it will pass. I know that in a few short years I will be longing for the time when my kids were small. But right now each day seems very long. And on days like today, I wonder how my kids will remember me. Right now I just feel like an angry, grumpy, emotional tyrant.

*sigh*

Lots and Lots and Lots . . .

2011-03-08T14:15:00.000-08:00

So I have a minute to breathe and update life, so here goes!

Henry is TWO months old!!! How did that happen?? Anyway, he is now starting to give us some smiles and giggles. His sleeping patterns are starting to emerge, but he also has been a pill the past few nights. We need to figure that out. And boy, oh boy, he is growing like a weed! At his 2 month appointment he was 24.5 inches long (2.5 inches longer in 6 weeks!) and nearly 10.5lbs (over 3lbs gained in 6 weeks!). He is actually heavier and longer than Soren was at 2 months. Impressive! We are loving having this little guy around - such an easy going kiddo!

Caroline has big things going on, too! We are on the potty training ride right now. I hate potty training. However, she is doing remarkably well. Today is day 5 and she has managed to take herself to the potty successfully twice without any help from mom. Well done, big girl! I'm hoping we'll keep making progress because not having to change her diapers is awesome. Other than potty training, Caroline has also discovered her little brother. She has also decided she loves him. This is fabulous for all of us!

Soren continues to amaze & impress me. He is doing very well in school, trying very hard to take the initiative with his school work & keep his grades up. This year he participated in National History Day again. For his project he created a website (last year he did an essay). He won first place at his school and 5th place in the region, missing out on going to state by one place! I was so proud of him, especially because Alan and I were so busy during the prep time for his project that we were of little help to him - he did this mainly on his own with the help of his teachers. Such a fabulous job! Soren also continues to amaze me with his musical talents. He had a jazz band concert at the beginning of February and played not only the piano, but then ran across the stage twice to play his trumpet with solos and everything. This past weekend he also performed in a duet and an ensemble for Solo and Ensemble - a state wide music event. For middle schoolers, they perform and are adjudicated. As you progress to high school, however, it becomes a judged competition with scoring and all of that. I participated in Solo and Ensemble in junior high and high school so it is fun to see Soren doing the same, even if it is for trumpet and not for voice! Soren continues to be an amazing kid, even when he acts like a teenager. Haha!

I love my kiddos and right now my life pretty much is them. I'm okay with that, though. I'm so very blessed to have the three of them in my life and even more blessed to have an amazing husband who continues to help me every single day and love me even when I'm falling apart.

Life is pretty stinkin' good right now, even with a toddler, newborn, and tweenager. It's not great at every moment, but overall I really can't complain.

And it's a good thing I'm writing this post today and not yesterday because I would have been singing a whole different song! Haha!

Videos and pictures coming very soon. However, there is a certain little guy who needs a fresh pair of pants and a little more food. :)

Infertility & Motherhood (Part Two)

2011-02-22T18:45:00.000-08:00

Part two has been a long time coming, but I have good reason! Not only have we been adjusting to life with a third kiddo in the house, but I've also had LOTS of visitors. So here's the rest of the story (I hope).

If you remember, I mentioned that I agreed to do a Clomid Challenge test with my ob/gyn to assess the quality/quantity of my egg supply. I wasn't overly worried about it - I was busy working 4 jobs, not including the job of wife & mother, and didn't really have time to worry! But the day the doctor called with the results it was very obvious that the news was not good. His tone of voice told me before he did that it didn't look good. I was told that the only way we'd be able to have more children was if we did InVitro Fertilization with donor eggs - that mine were no good.

I don't remember exactly what happened next - I don't remember if I was crying before or after I hung up the phone. I don't remember if I called Alan and told him or if I just sent him an instant message. I do remember lots of crying. Sobbing, really. I vividly remember sitting at my desk in my home office unable to catch my breath because I was crying so hard. I finally got it together enough to say a very long, heartfelt prayer - I knew it was the only way I'd get through the day. Not only did I have work at home to finish, but I had to physically go to work (another job) that afternoon. I needed the strength to get through the day and I knew it wasn't going to come from me - I was emotionally spent.

Thankfully the Lord stepped in and seriously carried me through the rest of that day. He also prompted me to immediately seek a second opinion - to finally get myself to a fertility specialist (also known as a Reproductive Endocrinologist or RE). I'd had appointments with them before, but had to cancel them due to insurance or financial issues. My sweet ob/gyn sat on the phone with me as we went through every RE on my insurance list, giving me his opinion as to where he thought my best fit would be. I am forever grateful for the time he took out of his day for me.

That horrible day occurred January 15, 2008.

To illustrate miracles . . . I had a positive pregnancy test on March 22, 2008 which resulted in our little Caroline.

And while I could say that was the end of the story - it isn't, really. Having two kids 10 years apart has had its own challenges. One of the more odd ones is that I still didn't feel like a normal mom - my experiences were still very different than those of my friends. I went from not fitting in because I only had one child to not fitting in because my two children were so far apart in age. So for 2+ years I felt almost like I fit in and yet I didn't really feel I did. I had two kids, but it was really like I had two families of one kid each. There was still so much I could not relate to or subjects I couldn't really join in on because I did not have experience with two kids close together in age . . . and there were times I still felt like I was in between worlds - the world of the infertile woman and the world of mother.

And then we headed in for another round of infertility treatments in April/May of 2010, hoping we'd be able to finally have something resembling the family we'd both pictured in our mind for years. Quite frankly, I was shocked when the treatments worked! And now we have our baby Henry.

I won't pretend I didn't get a little annoyed with all the comments about how I'll finally know what it feels like to have kids close in age or how I finally get to deal with all of those horrible things - like fighting, sibling rivalry, trying to potty train a toddler with a baby running around, etc. etc. etc. Yes, I am starting to learn for myself what that is all about. And there are days I feel like I want to pull my hair out. But then there is that part of me that smiles when both little ones are screaming because I finally have that in my life. Finally I can join in conversations, maybe not right now - but soon, about all of the things those "real moms" have talked about for years. In so many ways, I finally feel like a "real mom," even though I know I've been a mom for over 12 years.

(And today is one of those days that I needed to post this so I could remember to be grateful for the screaming toddler, the unpredictable newborn, and the hormonal teenager that were all making me crazy! They are all blessings, right? Right!)

Infertility & Motherhood (Part One)

2011-01-20T10:54:00.000-08:00

You would think that since I've had three kids now this whole "mom" thing would be old hat. However, my journey through the realms of motherhood has been colored with infertility, which makes everything different.

Soren's first year of life was fabulous. He was a great infant and an energetic toddler. I was juggling school and some part time work and Alan wasn't home a lot (he was juggling work and part time school), but we made it. I remember chasing him around the house, playing outside in the fall leaves, filling up the swimming pool in the backyard and letting him run around naked in the summer . . . lots of smiles. But by the time he turned two, we headed to our first specialist appointment to figure out why, after a year of trying, we did not have a new baby on the way. Unfortunately for all of us, the rest of Soren's young years would be tarnished by the tears, stress, anxiety, and frustration of infertility.

There were days when I would grab hold of Soren and never want to let go - wondering if he'd be our only child and wanting to cherish every second I had with him. There were other days when I wanted to be left alone in my misery, crying and pleading with God - wondering what I had done wrong in my life, in my marriage, or in my parenting that God was keeping us from having more children. It was a tough time - especially the first 4 years. I remember sending Soren off to kindergarten and forcing myself to take on a project (painting the interior of our house) to keep myself from sobbing. It wasn't supposed to be like that - I wasn't supposed to be putting my oldest child on the bus and coming home to an empty house. That wasn't the plan - that wasn't supposed to be my life.

I was stuck in this weird place. I didn't belong with the infertile women - I had a child. How could I possibly relate to those that had none at all? And I wasn't a full fledged mom because I only had one and couldn't possibly understand what it was like to juggle a household of children. I didn't have 2-3 kids screaming for my attention or fighting with each other. I didn't understand. No one purposely left me out (to my knowledge), but I felt very isolated.

The isolation increased once we moved to Washington, DC. At this point, Soren was in school all day, so I wasn't invited to any of the mommy groups, trips to the park, etc. (though I don't know if I would have gone anyway). All the women my age were in those groups and I was on the outside. It was a very difficult time for me and I slipped in to what was probably my worst depression to date. I felt as though I had no friends, no connections, no one to relate to or confide in that would remotely understand what I was feeling.

Secondary infertility (unable to conceive after the birth of one or more children) blows. The pain is different from primary infertility (unable to conceive and carry a child to term). I would NEVER say it was worse, it's just different. You just don't fit anywhere. Or, at least, you don't feel like you fit. I never felt like a real mom because there were too many times I'd actually be talking to other mothers and they'd invalidate my opinion (not in a purposely mean way) because I only had one child. That was hard to deal with because in so many ways, I didn't feel like a mom. I didn't have the full picture of motherhood, just a small piece of it. It made those moments where I did actually have a conversation with another mom tainted with feelings of inadequacy. I might technically be a mom, but I wasn't a real mom.

There came a point around the time that Soren turned 8 that I think Alan and I accepted our fate. We'd done 6 cycles of Clomid and none were remotely successful. We decided to put it all behind us and just move forward and enjoy the family we had, however small it was. We started talking about all the benefits of having only one child. Believe me, when you sit down and think about it, the list can get pretty long! And, as a result, our attitudes started to shift. I started being more open to talking about our situation and not being ashamed of it - it was just fact now. I started to embrace who I was, accept it, and move forward. It was during this time that I started to love me. And wow, did I need that! Infertility taught me many things, but most of all it forced me to confront me, accept me, and love me.

When Soren was 9 1/2, I went into my ob/gyn for my annual checkup. He brought up Clomid again and, on a whim, I agreed to do what is called a Clomid Challenge Test to determine egg quality and quantity. This is when our world took a huge turn. This test would forever change our lives and our family. And, seeing as Henry is about to wake up again, I'm going to have to leave the rest of this story for another day.

But getting just that much out has been very cathartic.

Blessed

2011-01-15T18:48:00.000-08:00

If I stop to think about all the blessings that have flooded our lives over the past 6 months or so, I start to get all teary eyed. But I often find myself stopping and thinking about them and then I have to pull myself together or I'll be in a pool of tears - but at least they are happy tears! :)

When we arrived home on the 6th, we were brought dinner by someone from our church. This continued for days on end. In fact, we have only had one night where someone didn't bring us dinner since our return. How blessed are we?? It's been so nice to not have to worry about dinners, especially as Alan has had to take over everything around the house, for the most part. He's enjoyed the break from cooking.

I continue to thank my Heavenly Father for the job that Alan has now. It was a long road getting there, but the blessings are overwhelming. He was given the entire first week of Henry's life off from work - paid and none of it counted against his vacation time. As a results, he was able to be at the hospital with me every day and night. This past week he was allowed to work from home OR take a vacation day - depending on what we needed on our end. How fabulous is this job?!?! As an added bonus, he really does like it there and, if I haven't mentioned before, it's 2.5 miles from our front door. Goodness sakes with the blessings!

And as if all of that wasn't enough, I have had a flood of visitors - usually at least one per day - who come to chat, hold the baby, and keep me from feeling isolated from the outside world. One visitor is a sweet friend from middle school who I hadn't actually seen since I was 16! (LOVE FACEBOOK!!) I also have two dear brothers & their families who I know are there to help if I call (and have helped already). I have a sister who is coming to help me the last week of this month and another who is going to try and come as soon as she is able. I also have a dear friend who is ready and willing to come as well, we are just figuring out logistics. The love I have felt since Henry joined our family is seriously overwhelming. But I'm handling it just fine, thank you very much! Haha!

Henry is an absolute joy. Again, we have been very blessed to have a new baby who allows me to sleep for 2+ hours at a time (sometimes even 4!), who eats well and consistently, who poops and pees just like he is supposed to, and who rarely cries. After my sweet Caroline put me through the ringer with all of the above, I seriously am close to tears when I think about how good Henry is. If I had a difficult baby on top of a c-section, I dunno what I would do. I'd handle it, I'm sure . . but I'm glad that, at this point, I don't have to figure out how I'd handle it. Haha!

I'm also very blessed to have a wonderful husband who has sacrificed basically his entire life the past two weeks to turn himself into Mr. Mom as well as caretaker of Mommy. He makes sure I'm fed, well-rested, and not doing too much. He lets me watch Gilmore Girls ad nauseam. Basically he really is my knight in shining armor and I love him. :)

Soren & Caroline are adjusting to things as best as they can. Soren's schedule hasn't been disrupted too much, so he's plugging along, trying to get in time with his new little brother as much as he can. Caroline is slowly adjusting to the new presence in the house, though she has yet to hug, hold, or kiss him. Baby steps.

Overall, I am feeling so much love and so many blessings it's kind of ridiculous. But in a good way. :)

Happy New Year & Happy New Baby!

2011-01-08T16:30:00.000-08:00

(Warning: This post is long and contains the birth story of our little guy!)

Can I just say I'm glad to see the end of December?? What a month that was! I wanted it to end almost before it started. And now we are in a new month and a new year! As I type this, I am trying to keep my eyes open because I'm sleep deprived and full of drowsy drugs, but I want to get this all down before the memories start to fade.

After an awesome New Year's Eve party and a busy New Year's Day getting bags packed and the house clean, it was almost time to go to the hospital to welcome baby #3 into the world. I debated about going to church on Sunday, as I assumed I'd be up all night and would need some rest, but decided to go and, in the end, am very glad I did!

That night we headed to the hospital leaving our other kiddos in the trusty hands of my amazingly wonderful sister in law, Kim. She is amazing and I love her for taking care of Soren and Caroline for nearly 3 full days!! Plus my other sister in law, Sarah, pitched in as well as my sweet friend (also named Sarah). This doesn't even touch on the number of people who offered to do anything we needed over the week! We are so blessed to have such awesome family and friends!! Ok, that was a tangent - now back to the story of our little guy!

Admission to the hospital went fairly quickly; no pile of paperwork, just a few things here and there. Then the real fun began! Not knowing how many different drugs I might need for delivery, I needed two IVs thingies (catheters?) put in - one in each arm. Last time I needed a butt load of drugs because of all the complications I had, so they wanted to be prepared. It only took two nurses an hour and a half plus the use of an ultrasound machine to be successful. Apparently I have crooked veins. Who knew? I now am sporting some pretty awesome bruises on my left arm, though. Sweet!

After the IV debacle, we settled in for a night of what we hoped would be a progressive induction. Caroline had taken 36 hours to get the hint that it was time for her to come (for her own safety), so I was preparing for things to take at least that long but hoping it wouldn't! Haha . . . be careful what you wish for!! Anyway, the plan was a Miso tablet to help move things along, then another after 3 hours, then we'd move on from there to Pitocin and a baby!

Miso tablets, apparently, cause a lot of cramping. Sleep didn't really happen because every time I'd doze off, I'd wake back up in pain. Not major pain, mind you, but just annoying enough to keep me from sleeping. Then, of course, the nurse came in quite a few times to check baby and blood pressure and all of that fun stuff. After 2 rounds of Miso, it was time to hook up the pitocin. My nurse changed around 7:30am, but not much else changed. I wasn't progressing very quickly, so they were slowly turning up the Pitocin.

Generally I am pretty tolerant of pain, but during labor I feel like a big wuss. The sooner I can get something to stop the pain, the happier I am. However, no matter how many times and ways I mentioned that I would sure like something for the pain, I didn't get anything. Finally the doctor arrived to assess the situation and I asked her what the general protocol was for giving me drugs. After checking to see how baby was progressing, she told me she wanted his head to be a little closer to the exit before we put in the epidural. I trusted her opinion (she's a great doctor from what I've been able to ascertain), so I went with it.

Shortly thereafter I began to disagree.

I've been induced with each of my pregnancies, so I've done the whole Pitocin thing before. I know that the pain associated with Pitocin (and labor in general haha) sucks, but I was experiencing some nasty, nasty pain. With Caroline, my epidural stopped working 45 minutes before she was born and I went through the final bit of labor without anything to kill or dull the pain. The contractions I was feeling this time were more painful than that. I'd get one contraction, it would start to fade and then before it went away, another one started. Then I'd get about 20-30 seconds before it all started again. This is when I started whining to the nurse! Around 11:30am, after watching me and my contractions disagree for quite a while, she turned the Pitocin down. It was heaven! For all of 5 minutes, anyway. I was expressing my joy at the relief when I felt something familiar. I looked at the nurse and told her I was pretty sure my water had just broken.

Hooray!

Except then I was worried that I'd have to do the labor without drugs again because after my water broke with Caroline, she came VERY quickly! I braced myself for it, but after the nurse checked things out, she looked slightly concerned. She told us there was some blood and she wanted to check with the doctor on the next step. After maybe 2 minutes, she came back in and that's when the crazy started. Apparently I was dripping blood - everywhere. I couldn't see it (thank GOODNESS!!!), but there was blood all over my bed and literally streaming onto the floor, creating a puddle.

The look on the nurses face told me that things were not good. And suddenly there were at least 6 other people in the room. I had an anesthesiologist in my face (his name was Doug and he was super nice, actually) going through the risks and warnings, I had my nurse telling me they were doing a c-section asap, I had a doctor (not mine, of course - she was already in surgery) telling me her name - which I promptly forgot - and saying she'd be performing the surgery, there were papers being tossed in my face to sign, and then I was being rapidly wheeled down halls to an operating room.

By this time I had lost so much blood I was having trouble keeping my eyes open. I tried to do what they told me to so I could get the spinal block and they wouldn't have to knock me out completely. If there was one thing I remembered from the anesthesiologist, it was that if they had to knock me out completely, Alan would not be able to be there with me. I was not ok with this and I knew he'd be pretty upset as well. Thank goodness I was coherent enough to get the spinal block! Before I knew what was happening, the nurses and Alan were trying to inform me that our baby was here.

And he was beautiful.

Our little guy, Henry Alan Tullis!!!
Arrival date: 1/3/11
Arrival time: 12:21pm
Weight: 7lbs, 3oz
Height: 21 1/2 inches

I wish I'd been more coherent . . . I was too weak to even hold him - I didn't trust myself, but I gave him a kiss and told him I loved him. At that point I just wanted to sleep. The nurses needed to take Henry to the nursery because his blood sugar was a little low (and I was in no position to feed him! Haha!) and he was having a little bit of trouble fully figuring out the whole breathing thing. Alan stayed with me while they finished with the surgery. I think it was at that point that the doctor told us that my placenta was torn and that's where all the blood was coming from. Later we were told that it wasn't a "traditional" tear - the placenta hadn't pulled away from the uterine wall or anything, it had just torn during labor. Apparently this happens in less than 2% of pregnancies. I'm telling you, my luck with medical stuff is amazing!!!

Anyway, after they sewed me all up, I was wheeled over to a recovery room where I shook so much I think I caused a minor earthquake. I remember shaking a lot after my Gallbladder surgery, but this seemed more intense. They finally gave me some Demerol and the shaking went away. After about an hour hanging out in recovery with both my nurse (KC was her name, by the way) and our friend anesthesiologist, Doug, they finally let me go back to my room. I think I slept, but I can't really remember.

After over 6 hours, the nursery finally released Henry and he came into the room. I held him and didn't want to put him down or share or anything!!

We were blessed with many visitors at the hospital, but two of our favorites were Soren and Caroline.

Overall, the nurses and doctors were impressed with my recovery. My doctor was almost certain I would need a blood transfusion, but I was very blessed and my red blood count did not dip down low enough to require it. My blood pressure remained low during my entire stay. I was up and walking around within 24 hours of the surgery. Things just looked great and continued to for the rest of my stay. And our little Henry, even though he dropped nearly 10% of his birth weight, was doing really well!

I was released on Thursday afternoon and able to come home and be with my family.

So that's the basic run down. It's time for me to feed our little guy ad then get a nap. I'll be sure to write more about our first week with Henry in our home!

I suppose I should document this . . .

2010-12-30T20:05:00.000-08:00

Nope, sorry - this isn't a Christmas post! Although I have to say, we did have a splendid Christmas! It was quiet and beautiful and relaxing! Cherishing those while they last!

Instead let me tell you a little about my month. Aside from the pneumonia. I've been heading to the doctor 2-3 times a week for appointments, ultrasounds, and non-stress tests. This week I also had some blood work done, partially at my request and partially at the doctor's request. Which doctor? Who knows? I have seen a total of 8 during this pregnancy (including two perinatologists!), one of which may or may not be the delivering doctor.

Most of these appointments have been low key, everything looking good, lots of pics of our new little guy (he's adorable, by the way - his cheeks are to die for! I hope they stay chubby!!). Today things took a turn. First off, my blood pressure didn't want to cooperate. Secondly, I was down a couple of pounds (I know, you're thinking - how lucky are you? No, this is not good... it happened with Caroline and if you read her story, you know it only goes downhill from here). Thirdly, well - the results of the blood tests were back. And they didn't look good.

You see, Christmas Eve something happened. Itching. And not the normal pregnancy itching that comes with an expanding tummy, but intense itching on the palms of my hands and on my feet. This is one of the only signs that accompany a condition called Cholestasis. This is the same thing I had with Caroline and there was a 90% chance it would happen again. When the itching started, I knew what it was but I also knew there wasn't anything the doctor could do about it this close to the end of the pregnancy. So when I went in the following Monday, I mentioned it to the perinatologist, who ordered the blood work. That's the blood work that came back today. And it was positive.

Not really a big shocker, but I was hoping to make it to 39 weeks. Oh well!

The blood pressure situation is still up in the air. More test results should be available tomorrow.

So, the big news is . . . I'm heading in for an induction on Sunday, January 2nd! Stay tuned for more news and pictures!

Road to . . . . somewhere?

2010-12-09T09:41:00.000-08:00

December has only just begun and I'm ready for one of two things: A do-over OR a skip-to-the-end! What a month!

Last week we had the Furnace Saga. After at least 4 trips to various locations for the part we thought was the problem and then two visits in two days from two different technicians, the furnace was finally fixed. We only had two full days without heat, so it wasn't the end of the world. However, the money we had to put out to repair it was not in our plans, so that was a bummer. The past week we have made a lot of positive comments about the warmth of the house. We are very grateful that we were able to get it repaired and now have a functioning furnace. And we'll be sure to open an empty package of warm air on Christmas morning to remind ourselves of that! Haha!

Now on to the sickies. The last week of November both Caroline and myself came down with something nasty.

It took Caroline two weeks to shake it. She actually still has some fluid in her ear, a minor cough, and a slight runny nose. I'm supposed to take her back to the doctor in 3-4 weeks just to make sure it has all cleared up. And speaking of the doctor, she's been there twice in the past week or so. On Dec. 1st she went in for her 2 year old check up. The good news? She's finally back on the growth chart! You go, girl! However, she's still just a teenie little peanut. In the past year (yes, YEAR), she has gained a grand total of 4lbs. I've got to come up with some Supernanny worthy tactics to get this girl to eat. Caroline's second doctor's appointment was due to me. Mentally I know I am a good mom who tries to do what is best for my kids. But emotionally I feel horrible for yoinking her arm the wrong direction and pulling her elbow out of socket.... again. So we had to rush over to the doctor yesterday to pop that sucker back in. Could I do it myself? Probably. But I have such a hard time with that kind of stuff. And to think - at one point in my life I wanted to be a nurse or doctor. HAHAHAHA! That seriously makes me laugh now.

My version of the evil sickies that Caroline shared with me (hey, she's learning to share so I can't be too angry, right?) was beyond stupid. After talking to nurses, a doctor, and a pharmacist, I was given plenty of ideas on how to deal with it sans meds. I thought I'd made a breakthrough and was on the road to recovery, but alas . . . it all turned south again. This time I went into the doctor and told her I couldn't do it anymore - I was done, wiped, exhausted, over it . . . and finally was able to get some antibiotics. Less than 24 hours later I can report that I am feeling almost human again. Aside from the plethora of bathroom trips last night, I actually slept without coughing, sneezing, or blowing my nose every 20 minutes. I look forward to the next few days when hopefully all that keeps me awake at night is a kicking baby and/or trips to the bathroom.

And now I need to do all those things that fell by the wayside when I was sitting on the couch/in bed with a box of tissues in my lap. I still have things to mail, things to order, and things to decorate for Christmas. Whether or not they will all get done, I don't know. I'm going to do what I can and try very hard not to beat myself up if they don't.

And that is my summary of December thus far. We also had Soren's piano recital (I missed it), a Christmas party or two (I went to one but left early), lots of homework/projects to finish before the holiday break, and preparations around the house for our new addition. It's been quite a month already. Hopefully the remainder of the month can be a little more uneventful! :)

WARNING - WHINE POST

2010-12-02T11:53:00.001-08:00

I have much to be thankful for, I know that. But sometimes, you just have to whine.

Currently I am sick and I have been sick for almost a full week. Caroline has been sick for nearly two full weeks. Yes, she has been to the doctor. I went to the doctor last week before this all settled in to annoy me. Do we know what it is? Nope. Is there anything that can be done? Nope. She's 2 and weighs next to nothing (but hey, she's back on the growth chart at least), so there isn't much over the counter that she can take. I'm pregnant and run into the same problem. So whatever this nasty junk is, it's hanging on for dear life to both of us making us tired, sick, and cranky! I broke down today and called my new clinic to ask if I could take Mucinex. The nurse told me it's better to be safe than sorry and to avoid it (none of her charts were showing that it was okay). So I am going to try Sudafed, which I hate taking because it leaves me in a fog of stupid. I could try Benadryl as well, but even the children's version of that knocks me out cold. So I'm annoyed that I'm sick basically. And I'm annoyed at how long it is lasting.

The furnace stopped working at some point on Tuesday night. Yesterday we had no heat and Alan and I investigated and think we have pinpointed the problem. Alan left work early to rush over to a store that closed at 5 to get a part. Which didn't end up fitting in our furnace. Ugh! So we went all night without heat again. Alan had meetings this morning and then was going to be a gem and go out part-hunting again. I'm not sure how long his meetings will go and what obligations he has at work, so I am trying to huddle down into blankies and stay warm. I think furnaces should not be allowed to break in December or January. Isn't there a law about that somewhere? Alan is trying so hard to fix this to keep the cost down. I sure love him.

Now we come to the eating part of life for me. Nothing looks good or sounds good. Everything - and I mean everything - gives me heartburn. I had crackers this morning at 6am when I woke up from yet another terrible night of sleep and 20 minutes later I needed Tums. So basically I don't want to eat and I'm hungry all day because I don't want to eat. This happened with Caroline as well. And I lost weight and the doctor scolded me. But seriously - I have plenty of stored fat to share with baby, so I don't see what the big deal is. Except that when I don't eat I am very cranky. Probably because my body needs food. Bah!

I love this new baby we have coming, but he could really create a much more cheerful momma if he repositioned himself. I don't really care for the lower back pain nor am I a fan of the tailbone pain. I try not to complain too much about this because we obviously are thrilled that we are able to have another baby, but it really is very painful and makes walking, sitting, standing, and basically any type of moving very difficult.

I think above all else I feel horrible for how much Alan is having to do because I'm such a mess. He is doing it and not complaining (out loud), but I know he works hard all day and then to have to come home and fix dinner (most nights), load the dishwasher, take care of me, help with the kids, fix furnaces, etc. . . . I just feel bad. This is one of those times where I wish I had the money to hire someone to come in and give the house a good scrubbing. I know I can't do it right now. I can barely get out of the house for an hour or two without paying for it the rest of the day. And I know I have friends who are more than willing to come help, but with all the germs flying around here I don't want to risk getting them sick.

And I won't even get started on the situation with insurance and doctors. That's a whole 'nother whine tangent.

So basically I just needed to dump. And there it is.

Where did November go?

2010-11-29T13:42:00.001-08:00

Looks like November is almost over! Some events of this month included:

*Caroline's birthday - she's TWO!
*Our first snowfall of the year! We don't get much snow here, so anything we see is exciting!
*Thanksgiving with lots of yummy food and good company! I'm grateful for wonderful family that hosted this year! Thank you, Rob & Kim!
*A visit from Alan's brother, JT. I sure love that guy - he's awesome! It was nice of him to be willing to just hang out and relax. I still am hoping we weren't too boring for him!
*Our first family sickness - it started with Caroline, then me, and now Soren seems to be under the weather. We are all hoping Alan stays strong and avoids it.
*Caroline has moved into a toddler bed! So far she is doing pretty well, but she definitely is enjoying the freedom of moving around her room once the door is shut. We are reminding her that bed time means to stay in bed. I'm sure this is something we'll be discussing for years to come with her - especially if she is anything like her brother.
*Halloween decorations came down, Autumn decorations went up! Then autumn decorations came down and Christmas decorations are in the process of being put up. I didn't realize how busy November is in the decorating department!
*Baby boy continues to grow and make momma rather uncomfortable. His most recent hangout has him applying some insane pressure to my lower back & tailbone. So if you ever hear me say that he is being a pain in the butt, I literally mean it. Ha!
*I've been knitting like crazy - a giant scarf for Alan's Christmas present. And I'm not joking about giant. It's about a foot wide and will eventually be 6 feet long, not including the tassels. Alan has a very long torso - that is where a lot of his 6'7" height comes from - so a "normal" scarf doesn't fit him. I am so excited to finally be able to make this for him and he is, too! My next post will contain pictures of all the knitting I've been up to since I started learning.

I think that about covers it for us. No pictures in this post. I'm too sick and tired to do anything that advanced right now haha! Now I shall go turn something mindless on the TV and get back to knitting. Or napping.

Birthday Girl!

2010-11-16T15:30:00.000-08:00

The past Thursday we celebrated Caroline's 2nd birthday! And as the old cliche' goes - I can't believe she is already 2!

Here she is at about a week old. So tiny! It's still strange to think about how small she was. I'm glad that she is bigger now - even if she is a petite little princess!

Caroline is about 6 months old here, give or take a few weeks. I loved this purple dress on her! Part of me was a little sad that she had so many dresses to choose from because it meant that she didn't get to wear most of them more than once or twice. However, it was (and still is) fun to dress her up each Sunday in something new/different!

And here she is at one whole year old. I loved this shirt her Aunt Sarah made for her with a giant one on it! She wore that a lot during the first few months of her being one.

And here she is around 18 months old - already full of spice and sass! This is her "Mom, put the camera down already, okay?" look. Oh, and she finally started getting some hair at this point.

And now, she's TWO! And already very good at it!

She's showing off the ponies she received, as well as her blocks (which are, of course, all over the family room floor now). She had a great birthday, surrounded by family. We had homemade mac and cheese, applesauce, and juice! A perfect Caroline meal. Then we had cake:

Don't worry, at least SHE knew it was supposed to be Cookie Monster . . . and that's the point, right? I've never decorated a cake with tips and fancy junk before, so this was a whole new territory for me. However, it was fun! Who knows what I will attempt next year! Probably a sheet cake from the store. HAHA!

All in all, it was a good day. After we sang to her, she melted down into a puddle of tired screams and took a good nap. Then she opened presents which included 2 ponies, a book (If You Give A Pig A Pancake), 3 balloons, and Duplo blocks, from mom and dad as well as a coloring book, crayons, 2 toy bottles for her baby doll, a book (Sesame Street counting book), and 2 more balloons from her brother. What a lucky girl!

We are sure grateful for our Sweet Caroline. She has added so much to our family! I love watching her learn and grow and I also love seeing Soren get to be the awesome big brother I always knew he would be! Even if our little princess is full of spice and spunk, she is a sweetheart and we love her so much!!! Happy Birthday, big girl!

Halloween (Finally!)

2010-11-09T12:18:00.000-08:00

There were a lot of Halloween celebrations this year for our family! First came our ward (congregation) Halloween party at church! Caroline and Soren won an award for Most Original Costume(s). I am going to miss it when Soren won't dress up anymore.

Soren wanted to dress up as Calvin, so we dressed Caroline up as Hobbes! They were so cute! This was the only time I bothered with the makeup. I still don't know how I managed to get Soren made up as a clown when he was 2! It was nearly impossible to get Caroline to sit (sort of) still enough to put that nose and whisker mess on her face. All in all, it was a good time - even if Caroline lost it shortly after 7:30pm. She loves her bed time and, quite frankly, I am ok with that.

(Caroline in one of her Halloween outfits. She enjoys emptying out the shoe basket and sitting in it. Also, she loves playing with all of the shoes. Lately she has mastered the art of slipping my shoes on and walking from the hall into the kitchen to show me. What a silly girl!)

Our next party was at Alan's work! OH how I LOVE his new company! They had a fun little haunted house (or haunted cubicles) set up for kids to wander through and explore. Soren and Caroline stuck together for a while, but then things became a little scary at certain parts, so Soren went up to the front to get a better view of it all and Caroline hung back with mom and dad. It was fun and boy did we end up with a lot of candy!

For this party we sprayed Soren's hair with color. That was fun! I also dressed up, but failed to get a photo. I had a t-shirt on with a "1-Up Mushroom" (from the Mario Bros. games) over my baby bump as well as a Mario hat.

Our last party was on Halloween itself. We had some friends over and ate a yummy meal! Here are pics of our feast:

Bean dip and chips! Yum!

Deviled Eyeballs! Soren had a blast putting all the red lines on these.

Jello Jigglers in fun Halloween shapes. The kids had fun cutting these things out.

DELICIOUS Rootbeer! We discovered this when we lived in DC and were so happy to finally find it here! Yay!

And the tables were decorated:

I forgot to get photos of a few things, including our Candy Corn Chowder (no Candy Corn was used in the making of that!). Silly me! But here's our pumpkin cheesecake dessert:

I couldn't get the picture to rotate, so this is what you get it!

Overall we had a great time! I wish that I'd had more energy to do a few more things, but maybe next year!

So that's my update on Halloween... finally!

Before I forget . . .

2010-10-25T11:26:00.000-07:00

We always are having funny moments with our kids . . . . here's two from Caroline:

Yesterday we were all getting ready for church. Caroline was dressed and pretty much ready to go. She found her purse, put some things in it, put it over her shoulder, and yelled, "Boys! Go church!" Cracked us all up! She is such a momma hen sometimes!

Today I was looking at a few things online, including a milk pitcher with an ad for Pillsbury cookies. Caroline saw the ad and her eyes got all big and she yelled, "COOKIES!" So silly!

One of things I love about having kids is that they always keep me laughing. Sometimes I have to remind myself of something funny they said or did because at that moment maybe they aren't making me laugh, but overall it's lots of silliness.

In other news, my blood pressure took a spike over the weekend and I went to the doctor today because I was kinda freaked out - I hadn't seen numbers like that for quite a while. Luckily we've just done some medication adjustments and hoping that will resolve the issue for the time being. Just give me 4 more weeks to get the house in order and the holidays settled. And a dinner with my hubby at The Melting Pot. Then I will feel much better about being stuck on bedrest or in the hospital! Not that I want that, but if it's going to happen - just give me 4 more weeks!

Ok, my little climber is trying to wreak havoc. Time to go!

Halloween Traditions!

2010-10-19T09:01:00.000-07:00

For some reason, I just love Halloween. It could be the theatre geek in me that loves the idea of dressing up in costume (or dressing others up in costume!). It could be that hidden side of me that enjoys some of the more gruesome aspects of the holiday (I love creepy looking food, the idea of haunts and ghosts, and getting to channel into that for a short few weeks of the year). Or it could just be that I'm a little crazy. Either way, it's a holiday we celebrate with gusto at our house.

Last night we went beyond the decorations in the house and the cute little outfits - we completed phase two of the Tullis Halloween Tradition: Halloween Sugar Cookies! Some people are into Christmas Sugar Cookies, but not us! I think I have one cookie cutter for Christmas. For Halloween I have an entire pumpkin full! Yay! I tried out my grandmother's sugar cookie recipe for the first time and was very impressed. It was super easy and very tasty - not too sweet, so just right for a bit of decorations on top to give it that extra kick of sugar. Yum!

It was great fun - we all were involved in the process. This was the first year in ages that I made the dough and not Alan. And this was also the first year that Caroline was really able to participate. We had so much fun - especially when she commandeered the pumpkin cookie cutter and wouldn't let it go. She LOVES pumpkins and points them out wherever we go (especially all over the house, which gets old after a while).

Alan tried out an orange glaze for the topping instead of a frosting this year. It needs some tweaking, but it turned out pretty good! And I got to toss sprinkles on after he glazed them. Yay! Most years we only get to frosting a few, so I have a build up of sprinkles sitting around. It was fun to get to use them! Here's the finished product:

Next phase? Pumpkins!!!

Oh, and we finally decided on Halloween costumes for this year. But that, my friends, is for another post. :)

Haircuts!

2010-10-15T08:49:00.000-07:00

After fighting with the mullet look for far too long on my sweet Caroline, I finally broke down while at a play date on Tuesday and asked my friend to cut her hair. (Thank you, Addi!) It was the first haircut for the princess and while I do miss her gorgeous curls that were nearly past her shoulders, she looks more like a little girl now and less like a hillbilly. I've also noticed that her hair still has plenty of curl post tubby-time, so I'm hoping to see those ringlets again soon. Here are some pics of the occasion:

She did really well - not a scream or a tear. I just told her we were going to play with her hair. Between that, her mouse, and the adorable zebra print apron thing, she was good to go!

The result:

Clean and tidy and cute! Maybe, if I get a chance, I will take a pic of the rest of her outfit. It's another Halloween number - the pants are adorable!

In Soren news, he tried out to play piano for the 7th grade jazz band (aka "Stage Band") and is now being challenged with some tough music! It's good for him, though. He's going to grow a lot this year - musically I mean. He'll probably grow a lot physically this year, too. We are around the corner from him passing me up in height. I've been very impressed with his adjustment to school this year - much better than last year! He's a great kid and we are lucky to have him around - even when he continually forgets what "take the garbage out" means. Haha!

Alan was offered a full time position at Nautilus, Inc. this week. That's right, folks - he's working for the makers of Bowflex and the Treadclimber! The biggest bonus in all of this is that it is a 6 mile round trip to and from work - no bridges to cross, no traffic to deal with, and - best of all - he's home early at night! He also is able to come home for lunch a few times a week which is awesome. They are working him hard, but he is glad to be there - learning and growing. We are loving the added time we have with him at home. Yay, Alan!

As for me, things are plugging along. I keep trying to get that final room of the house sorted. Maybe this weekend. Haha! We are nearing the end of the second trimester of this pregnancy and moving into what was the worst trimester for me last time around. I keep hoping and praying that things will go a bit more smoothly this time, but I'm planning for the worst. We'll see how it all goes! I'm trying to scale back my activities and take it easy as much as possible! That's not easy with a tweenager and a toddler, but we're doing our best around these parts.

Speaking of toddlers, someone wants attention! Be on the lookout for upcoming Halloween posts. I'm currently in the planning phases of our feast!

A View from the Top

2010-10-01T10:54:00.001-07:00

Yup - that's my boobs and my belly. And my table with this weeks tablecloth.

Now quit looking at my boobs.

Instead, look at this cutie pie:

Yes - we are all decked out for the month of OCTOBER! It's a family favorite around here! Or at least it's one of my favorites and therefore I push it on the house and the only person in it that I can dress up (besides myself, of course!).

HAPPY OCTOBER!!

Who Wears It Better?

2010-09-23T10:21:00.001-07:00

Hee hee....

Don't worry, I already know the answer! :D

Oh, and if you didn't get the memo - yes, we are a total Star Wars nerd kind of family!!

An Increase

2010-09-16T14:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes - or really all the time I suppose - you just have to trust and have faith. I know that God has been watching over my family for quite some time, but recently the evidence has been so very clear to me!

Ever since we found out that Alan would be losing his job - actually before we even knew and things just weren't looking good - I felt at peace. I knew it would all be fine. We did the leg work - Alan and I scoured the internet looking for leads and talking to friends. Alan submitted applications and/or resumes all over the place. And we did a lot of praying. He looked into unemployment payments, I looked into WIC, Medicaid, and other services we could use should the worst happen. I admit to one minor (read: major) breakdown, but I think I brought that on myself. But overall, we felt relatively calm and at peace. We were planning for the worst, hoping for the best. Hoping for anything, really.

The past week has been amazing. Yesterday not only was Alan able to interview at a new company, but within hours he had an offer. He started today. This is the second time something like this has happened to us this year! And this time it's almost too good to be true. I keep pinching myself because I can't believe it. This job is a 5-8 minute drive. I'm sure on a bike he could make it in 15 minutes. Right now it is a contract position, but the possibility of it becoming permanent is huge. And it all feels right and good. Again, almost too good! We feel so blessed and loved. We know that the prayers of our family and friends have blessed us so much. How wonderful it is to know that God is listening. I mean, I know He always is, but it is nice to have the confirmation sometimes!

We also were able to see our new little boy wiggles and squirm last week. He is growing and looking healthy! I do have to go in for another ultrasound next week to double check his heart (or triple check, I suppose). The last ultrasound they were unable to get just the right view of his heart, but the heart rate looked good and we heard it thumping away for the first time. The biggest issue was that he wouldn't move. Well, he moved - but it was just squirming. He's parked himself on my right side and just doesn't want to budge. This made getting the right angle on his heart impossible. I'm sure everything is fine, though. Our new little guy is still constantly in our prayers, though!

Soren had his Back to School Night. I was able to meet most of his teachers and find out some basics about the new school year. I feel confident that he will continue to excel because he's such an amazing guy! This year he is involved in band, piano lessons, and Boy Scouts. He is hoping to join Stage Band (a jazz band that practices before school), Weight Club (a group that lifts weights in the weight room before school), Wrestling, Basketball, and Track and Field. We'll see how he juggles things - he sure likes to keep busy! Soren continues to be a huge help at home, not only stepping up to help with his sister, but pitching in to help clean and cook. He's so awesome and we love him.

Caroline's vocabulary has literally taken off. This morning she was looking at something and turned to me and said, "Oh my gosh!" I am sure she's picked that up from one of us, but it was strange (and funny) to hear it coming out of her little almost-two-year-old mouth. She's also started saying things like this:

Caroline: MOM! Mom, mom, MOOOOOM!
Me: (Standing right next to her) What?
Caroline: Circle!

She likes to point out the obvious, but she wants to make sure she has my attention. I've been requesting that she go back to calling me mama. It's not working. Well, except when she wants to, of course. Then it's, "Mama, snuggle," or "Mama, song," or "Mama, food!" Caroline is really starting to put little sentences together and it's adorable to watch her figure all this language stuff out.

Her favorite toys right now include a spoon, spatula, bowl, and frying pan from her little kitchen (she tells us, "COOK!"), my stuffed monkey (which must be naked in order for her to play with it), her baby doll (who now has stolen one of Caroline's old baby blankets and one of her sippy cups), and her books. She also enjoys playing with my cell phone, daddy's keys, and her brother. This little spicy girl makes our life exciting, unpredictable, and terribly fun.

We are blessed and are so grateful for it! Thank you to all of you who have kept us in your thoughts and prayers. We are hoping this job sticks and that we can move forward from here and worry about other trials, struggles, and issues in life - but hopefully not a job issue again!

Life is . . .

2010-09-01T12:46:00.000-07:00

What to say! Today was the first day back at school for my big guy. He was nervous, excited, and dreading it all at the same time! He did not want pictures taken this morning, but I'm mean and took them anyway:

At his desk before leaving for school - he's thrilled, see?

In the car trying to avoid the camera - HA! Gotcha!

Giving up and giving me a cheeseball grin on his way out the door. Admittedly, he was almost late for school, which I'm sure really helped him feel happy.

Caroline in the back wondering why I pulled her out of her crib far too early.

So he's been at school nearly a full day now. Caroline has been wondering around calling for her brother, but to no avail. He isn't here to tell her how cute she looks with the goofy headband she's put on her head or remind her of how adorable she is with her fairy wings and dress up skirt on. He isn't here to chase her around the house or take her out to jump on the trampoline. Nor is he here to hide around corners and jump out and say "Boo!" to her as she runs by. Boy, she has missed him! But she's had mommy time - we've snuggled, read books, giggled, and generally had a fairly quiet morning. I did catch some video of her making a mess while eating her yogurt:

This is a fairly recent advancement for Caroline. She is now fairly self reliant with feeding herself. Sure, I rescue her every so often when she's having trouble or just choosing not to eat, but overall I've been turning it over to her and dealing with the mess later. Plus, she's so stinkin' cute while she eats. Look!

See, adorable! And messy!

In other news, it looks like we'll be having more testosterone in the house in a few short months:

According to this early ultrasound, it's a boy! However, I have another one in a week for more measurements and they'll be able to be a bit more certain about things at that point. We are getting excited for our new arrival either way!

The biggest bummer of the day is that Alan's contract position is ending in a couple weeks. We're pretty sad about that, but feel confident and have faith that everything will work out. If you could keep him and our family in your thoughts/prayers/etc, that'd be awesome. Every time I try to get myself worked up about the loss of employment, the Spirit seems to calm me right down. So, it is what it is and life goes on.

That's the latest to report from here!

Ahhh . . . Doctors.

2010-08-13T16:08:00.001-07:00

There is much to say, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to sum up.

We are, for the most part, all settled into our "new" place. There are still some things that need some organizing and one more box I've got to really dig through, but the house is livable. We've even managed to start cooking in the kitchen again. Fabulous! I realized one of the reasons I have been so frustrated this time around is that usually when we've moved in the past it has been fast - we are packed up and gone in less than 3 weeks. This all felt so much more drawn out because it was! Now that the light at the end of the tunnel is much brighter, I'm feeling my stress levels fade a bit. That is a wonderful feeling.

My sweet boy turned 12 on July 31. I still can't believe it! He was also ordained to be a Deacon in the Aaronic Priesthood. This was a very special day for him and for our family. I'm so happy his grandparents and aunt were able to be here to share it with him!

Isn't he handsome??? And so grown up! What a joy he is in our family.

His sister couldn't miss out on an opportunity to smile for the camera, too. . .

She's such a little ham. And boy did she love having Grandma, Aunt Martie, and (sometimes) Grandpa here. Grandma rocked her and sang to her and that made her day! The list of things she loves more than music is pretty short! Martie jumped on the tramp with her, helped Caroline into her fairy wings and flew her around the house, sang to her, cuddled her, watched Sesame Street with her, and carried her anywhere she wanted to go. Grandpa, on the other hand, generally made her very nervous. I think it was his mustache. She did relent and hug and kiss him a few times. She can be very picky. That's why we call her a lil' stinker! Haha!

We all enjoyed our visit with the Tullis clan. Can I still call them a clan? When we were first married, having them all visit was quite an adventure for us! Now that 5 of the 8 are married, 1 of the 8 is all grown up with a job and living on his own, that only leaves 2 kids that come to visit with Grandma and Grandpa. Unfortunately, Uncle Stephen was stuck at home because of obligations there. Oh well - he missed out! We had a fairly low-key visit - lots of visiting, lots of help around the house (YAY - Thank you!), blackberry jam was made (YUM!!), but my favorite part of the visit was our gorgeous hike around Mirror Lake on Mt. Hood.

It was the perfect day for a hike! I'd like to say we all enjoyed ourselves, but Caroline tuckered out at the end and fell asleep in my arms. It was a long walk down the mountain with a sleeping 22+ pounds on my shoulder, not to mention the extra baby I was carrying out front. Still, though, totally worth it!

And for the last photo of the post, I present to you baby #3:

Yeah, I can't make out much of it, either. The appointment was an adventure. After 3 hours at the office building I still don't know if everything is ok. My heart tells me it is all fine. My head tells me otherwise. We'll see. If there is anything to report - good or bad - I'm sure I'll post about it.

Time to go - two crazy kids are playing soccer in my hallway.

Boxes, Stuff, and More Stuff

2010-07-12T14:08:00.000-07:00

It seems sort of silly to update your blog when you feel like you've been doing the same thing for over a month. Especially the past 2+ weeks my life has basically consisted of the following:

1 - Wake up
2 - Eat
3 - Pack some boxes and/or unpack some boxes
4 - Eat
5 - Deal with the children
6 - Pawn off Caroline on Soren so I can pack/unpack
7 - Eat
8 - Feed the children
9 - Caroline down for a nap, Soren occupied, More packing/unpacking for me
10 - Collapse on the couch in exhaustion and be useless after Alan gets home from work
11 - Eat
12 - Sleep

I think I can finally see the light at the end of the packing/unpacking tunnel, I just wish it was brighter! Hopefully another week or so of effort and we'll be settled. Hopefully.

In other news, Caroline has managed to climb out of 2 different playpens and her crib. Since I am nowhere need ready for her to be in a toddler bed of any kind, I borrowed a crib tent from my sister in law and she is confined once more. She hates it, but quite frankly - I don't care. Her room is not in a state quite yet that she would be safe to be free to roam, I'm not mentally ready to give up nap time, and I don't want her out of the confines of a crib yet. Soren never tried this whole "climbing" thing, so I'm sitting here going - what?!? Already!?!?! Rude! Hehehe. Climbers. I knew I'd get one eventually and here she is!

Soren heads off to Boy Scout camp next week. Crazy! He'll be 12 in less than 3 weeks. Crazier! I'm sure grateful for him. I can't tell you how wonderful he has been this summer. And in general. But especially with all of the chaos going on in the house - he knows that I need help and he is (almost) always willing to jump in and do things - sometimes without me even having to ask! I'm going to miss him when he's off at camp. A lot.

Alan is working hard at his new job and enjoying it. There is a lot to do and it keeps him very busy, but usually the busy stays at work and he doesn't bring it home, so that is nice. He finally has his new Droid Incredible phone and is in love. I keep threatening to take it away from him when he gets too distracted, but he's having fun with his new toy. Good thing, too, because I don't think Santa is bringing him anything this year! Haha! Just kidding, sweetheart. :)

As for me - well, I think I already touched on that. I am still working on packing up the rest of my parents belongings and unpacking all of ours. It's been a process and most days I am seriously wiped out, but I know the end isn't too far off. We are enjoying having a place to ourselves again. Last night and today I pulled out all of my music books, my guitar, my music stand, and all of my teaching things and got them all organized. It's so fun to have a little space for all my music stuff! Now I just need to set up an appointment to get my piano tuned . . .

I don't really have any new/exciting pictures to post. I forgot my camera on the 4th of July, so I've nothing to show for that, but rest assured we had a good time with friends and family that weekend! Maybe next time I'll get a few pics of the kiddos up and a couple of our "new" digs.

:)

Productivity

2010-06-21T11:18:00.000-07:00

The past week or so has been a mixed bag of days where I feel like I was able to do a lot and days where I did nothing. The days that I do nothing are days that I am trying to fight back nausea, headaches, and general feelings of craziness in my body. The days that I feel productive are the days where I am able to mostly ignore all of that stuff.

Unfortunately, Father's Day was a day that literally had my on the couch all day! Blech! Luckily, Alan is a sweet guy who likes to cook and enjoyed cuddles with his kids. He did get a Droid, so he really can't complain too much, right?

Luckily, today has already been oodles better! I was able to fold 3 loads of laundry (and put them away!), semi-organize more clothes given to little miss Caroline (adorable stuff! Thank you, friends!), unload and load the dishwasher, and even make a batch of laundry detergent! Yes, you read that correctly.

You see, months ago my cousin had posted on her blog about the joys of home-made laundry detergent. Five years ago I would probably have laughed it off as some psycho thing that only crazy people do . . . and yes, my cousin is crazy, but that's why I love her. However, over the past few years I have become more and more aware of many things, including all the added ingredients put into things that we eat and use. So I didn't pass this one off as crazy. I passed it off as awesome and I couldn't wait to try it. I went shopping and bought all the bits and bobs needed (3 ingredients, no big deal), and those items sat in the laundry room for months. Until today! Hooray! Aside from the money I'm saving, I'm also helping out two people I love very much - Alan and Caroline. They both have eczema and all the added stuff in soaps really irritates their skin. Now I don't have to buy the super spendy laundry stuff because I have a home-made, all natural alternative! Yay!

Interested? Here's the recipe I used - it is a dry mix, but there are liquid mixes out there, too. I found all ingredients at my local grocery store (WinCo).

1 bar Fels-Naptha Soap, grated
2 cups Washing Soda (NOT Baking Soda)
2 cups Borax

I used my box grater for the soap, but if you want to use a food processor, you can. Then I just mixed all the ingredients together and put them in a glass canning jar. You need 1 tablespoon of soap per load. Pretty kickin', I'd say!

I put Caroline in her high chair, gave her a cup of milk and some crackers. I was done before she was. Awesome!

Hopefully I will keep feeling good today so I can get more done. There's unpacking/packing still to do aplenty. Crossing my fingers!

Happy Changes :)

2010-06-12T21:24:00.001-07:00

Alan started his new job this past Monday. Can we all say, "FABULOUS!"?? Yes. Yes, we can. He has loved his first week, learned a lot, and is enjoying adjusting to it all. We are enjoying having him a little longer in the morning and seeing him MUCH earlier in the evenings!!!

School is almost over for Soren! He has one more full day and then a very much partial day (like 2 hours) and his 6th grade year will be complete! Crazy!!! He has a few things to work on over the summer, but in general he will get to relax, hang out with the family, and not have to stress about homework, essays, or other projects. That's wonderful for ALL of us! We have some fun plans of things to do around the area during the summer, so I'm looking forward to that! He's had some amazing end of the year events including: A band concert in which he performed a stunning solo that had me nearly in tears (yeah, hormones, shut up), a track banquet where he was awarded Most Improved, and a few pizza parties for participating in different things throughout the year. He also managed to make the paper. Check out his handsome photo:

I had an ultrasound on Thursday and it was determined that there is ONE baby, so I'm happy about that! I was able to see the little heartbeat and the doctor said things are looking fabulous. We are pleased as punch and ready to take on the rest of this pregnancy with a lot less stress! Now our hope and prayer is that we can avoid some of the complications we had the last time around. I'm feeling ok overall - good days and bad. Nothing has been predictable - sometimes I wake up feeling fine, sometimes I feel horrible. Other times the yucky hits right in the middle of the day and I am curled up on the couch the rest of the day. I'm just taking it one day (and one Totino's Pizza) at a time.

Caroline continues to be her spunky, spicy little self. She is picking up on tons of words and has recently started responding with "kae!" to lots of things. Slowly but surely she is going to get used to not being in the same room as Momma 24 hours a day. I'm also teaching her important life skills, like taking her diaper to the diaper bin, climbing into the car on her own, and not throwing everything that is round just because it looks like a ball. A few days ago she sat down with one of her books, opened up a page, and said the colors she saw (brown & purple - PURPLE! Such a smart girl!), then closed it and pointed to the turtle on the cover and said, "Turtle." She also pointed to the lion on the cover and roared. It was pretty awesome as she had no prompting whatsoever. We are reaching such a fun stage where learning is exploding and I am loving it!

In the midst of all of this we are starting to transition the house into "our" house, albeit very slowly. My parents leave for the Philippines in about 2 weeks, so it's all coming quickly. We spent time today moving things and unpacking some of our things. It's amazing how long it has been since I've seen this stuff! One of the best things was opening a box and smelling my house. As strange as that sounds! And my BOOKS!!! I wanted to kiss each of them as I put them on the shelf. I refrained, but the desire was there! I'm looking forward to being surrounded by my things again, but it is already nice to open boxes and be able to put some things right into a charity box. Try living without your stuff for 2 years. You learn quite quickly that there are many things you don't need that you thought you did!

So that's what's going on - lots of changes, lots of busy, and lots of excitement! We hope to adjust quickly and get into a routine with our summer. :)

The Story

2010-05-24T20:26:00.000-07:00

For those of you not on Facebook, I made an exciting announcement today! We're expecting Baby #3! Hooray!

Here's the story (warning - some girly information included, so if that makes you squirmy . . . well, you've been warned):

Because of what we have to do in order to have a chance of getting a baby into our arms, we decided to head to an infertility doctor (R.E.) before my parents headed off on their mission. Due to the amount of visits I have to make to said doctor during a treatment cycle, I figured it would be much easier to do if I had help with Caroline. I did not feel good about dragging a toddler into a fertility clinic. So we headed in for a consultation last month and we happened to be at just the right point to go ahead and start a treatment cycle! Which we did.

Things went a little differently with this new clinic and doctor than they did when we lived in DC. OH how I loved my doctor there! I missed him. This new doctor . . . he was nice, but I felt like I was prompting him on what the next step was every time I went in for a visit. I even had to remind him about the procedure when the day came. Ugh. Consequently, I was fairly . . . . pessimistic about any of it working. Which made me kinda bummed because it cost us nearly all of our Flexible Spending Account money for the year (no coverage for infertility with the insurance we are currently on). Quite frankly, I didn't think it would work.

We did have four eggs, but lost two of them. Well, I don't know if we actually lost them, but they weren't there at my final ultrasound. So that was kind of annoying. He thinks they released on their own and, considering the cramps I had, I almost believe him. Almost. So we could be looking at up to four babies, but I don't think God would do that to me. I think He knows me well enough to know that I could not handle that on so many levels.

We were told to take a pregnancy test on May 20th. Ha, like I could actually wait that long. So I took a test on the 15th (faint positive), the 18th (stronger positive, and then again on the 20th (very obvious positive). I refused to believe anything until I heard back from the doctor for blood test results. That's when I finally started believing it.

Oh, and the random cravings for tuna fish (GROSS!) and hot dogs (really?? yes, really) - that had me believing it a little, too.

So today I went in for more blood work and everything looks good. I am 5 weeks along and am due Jan. 24th. Yes, it is still beyond early, but because of our history with infertility it is hard to keep this kind of news quiet. We are too excited. And, as I mentioned on Facebook, if something does go wrong, I know I will have the love and support of friends and family.

Right now all I can think about is the last trimester and how nervous I am for a repeat performance of the complications I had with Caroline.

Oh, and whether or not it is multiples. We find that out on June 10th.

Too Cute Not To Share!

2010-05-21T09:07:00.000-07:00

Caroline has really started to pick up on lots of words. I had to get a video of her showing off a few!

And Soren is loving track! His favorite event, I think, is Discus.

However, he also enjoys Shotput!

At the end of the day, my kiddos are two of the cutest people on the entire planet!

Being a mommy rocks!

Response to the Complaints

2010-05-03T19:30:00.001-07:00

I've recently had quite a few people tell me to update my blog. To you I say - please, get on Facebook, add me, and check Facebook. Hahaha!

But seriously. I need to be better about blogging. And I know I've been saying that for nearly 18 months, but it still remains true and it is also something that continues to be added to my to-do list. Man that list is long!

Life is pretty much the same, which is probably why I don't think to update my blog much.

Alan is still working hard, commuting a ridiculous distance, and racing to get home to his family each night. We cherish the time we have with him and love the wonderful things he does for our family. Like this weekend when he made Gyros on Saturday and Clam Chowder on Sunday. He won lots of points because that had to have been one of the best food weekends we've had in ages around here. That not to say he doesn't make delicious food every weekend, but he just out did himself! Love that guy!

Soren is keeping up with school and doing quite well. His grades are better than they've been all year and he was just recently accepted into the National Junior Honor Society. He started participating in Track for the first time and is loving it! His events are shot put and discus, but he's also going to be attempting high jump and 100m. Track has him very busy, but he's also been continuing with his piano lessons (he's becoming an amazing musician!), is a Boy Scout, and is playing the trumpet in band. He continues to be an awesome big brother and tries to squeeze in lots of time for his sister.

Caroline remains our pretty little pixie. She's taller, but she's still just as petite as ever. I'm so grateful they invented those pants that you can make smaller and larger as needed. They've been a lifesaver! Not surprisingly, we can't seem to keep that girl quiet. She loves to talk and while most of it is still gibberish, she's mastered a few words including: cow, kitty, mama, daddy, please, thank you, ball, no, and yum. Her smile still melts our hearts and her laugh is contagious. I can't believe how much sign language she knows and how it still does not curtail the screaming. Haha! Nothing beats the way she looks at her brother. So much love between those two!

As for me, I officially completed the Couch to 5k program this past Friday. It's unfortunate that I was not feeling well this morning because I missed a morning run for the first time in 10 weeks. I am hoping to make that up tomorrow, but we'll just have to see how I'm feeling. I am grateful that I can be an "At-Home" mom (not a stay at home mom, because - let's face it - that's rarely where we are!) and be here with my babies. I sure love them! I am very blessed.

I suppose our biggest news is this: My parents received their mission call and will be heading into the Missionary Training Center on June 28th! We are so happy for them and look forward to hearing the stories they will have to tell once they reach the Philippines. We are also glad that we can be of service to them while they are gone and take care of things on the home front for them.

I think that sums up the big stuff. I'll do my best to try updating with the little stuff soon. Like how when I was downtown today I saw a very large robot walking around Pioneer Courthouse Square. Yeah, that was random! Keep Portland weird, indeed!

It's Me Again

2010-04-02T06:56:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. I never update. Well, hey, deal, kae? I have a lot going on in my life! Well, that's not entirely true. I have kids. Is that a good excuse?

Anyway.

I had to post today because I'm so proud of myself. And, I know, pride cometh before the fall. But fall is like, 5-6 months away, right? I'll be over it by then, I promise.

So I've been doing this whole Couch to 5k thing, right? If you haven't heard, then obviously you don't follow me on Facebook or read my sporadic updates closely enough. Get with the times! Haha! Anyway, today I accomplished what just 5 short weeks ago seemed impossible. I did the following:

-Ran in the pouring rain
-Ran to the top of the 1/2 miles hill I live at the bottom of
-Ran 2 miles
-Ran for 20 minutes straight

For me - this is a huge accomplishment. Huge. I've never been a runner. I've never enjoyed running. I've never really eve run to the bathroom (thanks for the joke, Marie!). My exercise of choice has always involved a pool. But all of that is starting to change. Man, you should have seen the crazy grin on my face as I came to the end of my 20 minutes. It's pouring down rain, I'm dripping wet everywhere, and I had the cheesiest look on my face and was so proud. I did it. And I'm going to keep doing it. Because wow did that feel awesome.

The Couch to 5k program is 9 weeks long. I've just finished Week 5 and have 4 weeks to go. I'm excited to finish and start training for my first 5k race, which I hope will be the first week of June. I don't expect to finish first. Heck, I don't even expect anything but last. But I will finish. And 5 weeks ago I would never have said that - never even THOUGHT it!

Also, I'm going to be attempting to drink a green smoothie this morning. Nervous about that one. Really nervous. Hope it tastes good. I need a quick, easy, and nutritious breakfast option. I hope this is it, but if not - I shall keep trying!

In non-"me" news:

- Caroline has entered the clingy stage of life. Separation anxiety is huge for her right now. So that's fun. However, she has been known to fall asleep on people recently, which is strange.
- Soren was invited to join the National Junior Honor Society. Yep, he's brilliant. I think he's finally getting the hang of this middle school thing. His grades this term are better than they've been all year!
- Speaking of Soren, basketball ended about 2 weeks ago and track starts in a week. He's decided to give track a try and actually wants to start running with me. Awesome!
- Alan is my hard working man and I love him. Between work and the commute, he doesn't have much time, energy, or brain power for anything else. We're grateful for the sacrifices he is making for our family and love him like WOAH.

It's hard to believe March is over. I WILL MISS YOU, MARCH!!!! Now, on to April.

HAPPY EASTER! :)

Such An Irish Lover!

2010-03-17T19:44:00.000-07:00

HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!!!

Ahhhh, one of my favorite days of the year! Unfortunately, today was a little different than usual. The past 3-5 days have been a little busier than I expected, so I didn't get to do any grocery shopping until today. Result? A fairly simplistic St. Patty's Day feast. It was still NOM, though! Just not traditional. That's ok, though!

Here's the menu:

Reuben Sandwiches
Tater Tots (Hey, at least it was potatoes! haha!)
Juice (with special "sprite cubes" that didn't quite work out)
Coleslaw
Lime Cheesecake

And here's the pics:

Here's the table partially ready to go. It wasn't quite ready when I was taking pics, but I knew I had to do it so I didn't forget!

Corned Beef and Swiss Cheese. I took a shortcut today and just went to the deli at QFC. Of course that was after I tried the deli at WinCo and Safeway. I missed Wegman's today like crazy. Mainly because I went to FIVE different grocery stores looking for everything on my list.

Here's the (homemade) Coleslaw and Rye Bread, along with sandwich toppings.

Here's our special juice. Pineapple Starfruit Limeade with fizzy soda and Lime Sherbet. OH what I went through for that sherbet!

And here's our little Irish Pixie all dolled up and celebrating!

She fell in love with my Irish Bears, both gifts from awesome friends who know of my deep love for St. Patty's day. :D

My lime cheesecake (another experiment) is still in the fridge. I'm nervous about it. I really don't experiment that often in the kitchen, but the past month or so I've been going a little crazy. Overall, dinner turned out nicely. It was definitely "St. Patrick's Day Lite" at our house, but that's ok! Next year I think we'll host a huge party and invite lots of friends. Mark your calendars!

A Few Things

2010-03-12T08:23:00.000-08:00

I have some things to throw out there and there is no good way to segue between it all, so bullet points it is!

Caroline had her arm tugged by mommy yesterday for trying to hoard all the snacks instead of sharing with our friend. As a result, she suffered something called Nursemaid's Elbow. Basically I yoinked her elbow out of socket. We went to the doctor (luckily they were able to get us in 15 minutes after I called) and it was popped back in. She's fine now and I think I'm over the "you're a horrible mother" feeling. It helped that the 3 medical people I saw all informed that it was normal and happened all the time. No one tried to cart me off to prison, so hooray for that!
Caroline has learned to unzip her pajamas. Safety pin time is here! I'm having flashbacks to Soren stripping himself and pulling his diaper off. This would be why Caroline still wears a onesie underneath everything. So far so good there.
I just finished my second week of the Couch to 5K program I'm doing. I know I went further today, too, so that was an awesome feeling. I'm almost to 2 miles now and over halfway to a 5k. I start week 3 on Monday!
Jogging in the rain isn't so bad. Really. I've done it twice this week. Today I had a shower before I took my shower because I got that wet! Haha!
I'm so grateful that Soren cuts through the church parking lot on his way to school. Three kids were hit (in a crosswalk!) yesterday at the intersection that short cut allows him to avoid. Ugh, I hate that intersection.
I have an amazing husband who loves me, supports me, and is just generally awesome. My prayers are always with him, but especially today. I will share more if/when I can on this.

I think that covers all of my bullets for today. :)

Don't forget - Wednesday is St. Patty's day! Dust off your green and celebrate!!!! I've got to figure out what the feast will be this year. Woot!

Baby

2010-03-06T09:46:00.000-08:00

I want another baby.

Isn't it kind of sad that after so many years of waiting and longing, I can't just appreciate my handsome, amazing, wonderful little (big, really) boy and my sweet and spicy little princess and not long for more?

I suppose it's because they are both so awesome. I want to add to the awesomeness.

Quite a few of the people around me are (apprehensively and most of the time saying DO NOT TELL ANYONE) announcing the impending births of additional children. I want so much to be in that crowd, to know that I'd have a baby for their babies to have play dates with and all of that fun stuff.

But here's the thing.

I know that my body doesn't do that whole "baby" thing without plenty of drugs and doctor intervention. And I know that at this point it would not be a good time (for various reasons) to go through all the treatments that would enable another kiddo to join our family.

So that's annoying.

Oh well. At least I have other projects to keep me busy. Like my running thing (week 1 went very well, by the way). And I'm knitting. Have I mentioned that? Well, yeah, I'm knitting. Once I finish my second project, I am planning on taking pics and posting all about my new found hobby.

I also have my kids. And just the two of them keep me plenty busy. Especially since Soren now wants to start wrestling AND rugby. He's already quite busy with his other activities, but that's ok, right? Oh, and Caroline is getting older and more opinionated, so that's fun.

But they are both so cute and fun!

Anyway, just needed to dump. :) Can't be too sad, though.

It's March, after all!

March

2010-03-03T07:53:00.000-08:00

I love March. It brings with it a few things that I adore, including Spring and St. Patrick's Day. March is also when we went in for treatments 2 years ago so we could have our beautiful Caroline join our family. March is all about new beginnings and hope for me. And green. Lots and lots of green.

Man, I sure love St. Patrick's Day. Did you know? Well, if not, now you do.

So it's fitting that in March - actually on March 1st - I started something called Couch to 5k. Now, goodness knows I don't spend all day on the couch, but the concept is that you go from a sedentary lifestyle (which, unfortunately, is more true than I'd like it to be!), to being able to run a 5k. In 9 weeks.

Yeah, I said run.

I hate running. I don't want to hate it, but I hate it. Maybe because I've never done it correctly or because it's too much work or . . . who knows. But seriously? Running is so easy compared to some of the other options I have chosen in the past to be active. For example, I love swimming, but I don't have a pool. I've never had a pool! I've had access to pools, but that doesn't mean it's as easy as walking about my front door. My point is - running really isn't as horrible as I like to tell myself it is.

So I loaded up the IPod and off I went. And I actually liked it. I liked being out in the crisp, Spring morning air. I liked listening to music that made me want to dance. I liked the silence of the world at 5am. I liked being able to think and have some time to myself. So far, this program is pretty awesome. And I know, it's only March 3rd. But remember what I said about March?

New beginnings.
Hope.

I don't need January for that. I just need March.

Those times...

2010-02-22T10:30:00.000-08:00

Do you ever have those times in your life where you just think - I can't do it anymore. I can't go on this way. I can't function under these circumstances any longer.

I do.

And it's what I'm dealing with right now. There is nothing specifically wrong. There is nothing for me to point my finger at and say - yes, this is the problem and if I just did/didn't have that, life would be fine. Because I don't think any of it, really, is about what's going on around me. Sure, life isn't easy right now, but when I really stop and think about it, it's not about all of that. It's about me.

That sounds really self absorbed, doesn't it?

The past week or so, I feel like I've been dragging my family down with me and it's not ok to do that. I've been short tempered, morose, abrupt, moody, and just generally not a fun person to be around. I didn't major in theatre without reason - I'm able to put on the smile and do what I need to do in public . . . but it's exhausting to keep pretending that I'm ok when clearly I am not.

What bothers me most of all is not being able to figure out what it is that has me so suddenly in this mood. I cry at the drop of a hat - or have the desire to anyway. I mean, STUPID things that normally I might feel sad about, but now I'm like - woah, what's with the waterworks, lady? Like I was watching Intervention (WHY?? I don't know - I couldn't sleep) and this mom was sitting there drinking herself stupid in front of her little girl. Made me so mad. And sad. And I nearly cried for that little girl. Ok, seriously? I don't do that. Sure, I might be like - argh, punk mom get it together for you kid - but nearly crying?!?! No. That's not me.

Then there is the insomnia. And the anxiety. Which causes the insomnia. But why? What am I so anxious about? Why can't my brain shut off and let me sleep. Wow, I love sleep. Sleep used to be like - yeah, whatever . . . but now I SOOOO cherish my sleep. And it is elusive. And, here's the fun part, when I don't get my sleep, I am GRUMPY. Like, ridiculously grumpy. And I don't feel I have control over my emotions when I'm that grumpy. So that leads to the mood I was discussing earlier. It's like a vicious cycle. And it's lame. And that could explain the crying every 3.2 seconds.

My point is, I'm very tired. I hate complaining about life because I know things could be so much worse. There are so many good and wonderful things I have in my life. But I'm just going through one of those times. Ya know? I'd say I need a vacation, but I just did that in January. Maybe what I need is a kick in the hind quarters.

Sometimes you just gotta do it . . .

2010-02-19T16:40:00.000-08:00

Just for grins and giggles, I entered Caroline in a contest a while back. Her pic finally showed up on one of my random searches:

She might not be the winner of it all, but she'll always be my beautiful baby girl.

The last few days have been rather emotionally charged for me and I'm still feeling it. So that's all I've got for today.

Time Keeps Ticking

2010-02-11T10:28:00.000-08:00

I can't believe how long it has been since I posted in my blog. I used to be such an avid blogger . . . then I had a baby for the first time in a decade and my life has been a whirlwind of insanity ever since! I'm not going to make any promises about updates, but I'm going to try to be more diligent. It may help when I get my camera back. I left it in DC in January at my friend's house and it is supposed to be headed my direction this week. I hope all the storms haven't held it up for too long!

So what's been going on?

Let's see - I spent a majority of January out of town - first in Colorado for an amazingly awesome reunion with my college roomies, then off to DC to visit friends and help one of them organize and declutter before she drags too much across the ocean on her move to Paris. I returned home just in time to celebrate my birthday with a fun little party and run an activity for the kids at our church (aka Primary Quarterly Activity). That pretty well sums up January.

Last weekend I took Alan (for his birthday) downtown for an overnight stay at the Marriott as well as dinner at Macaroni Grill and a fancy pants breakfast at the hotel. We wandered around downtown at Pioneer Place Mall and then headed up to Powell's - the coolest bookstore ever. It was a wonderful little get away with my sweetheart and one of my best birthday present ideas, if I do say so myself.

Things have been busy around these parts with a toddler who definitely enjoys attention and a tween who has plenty of homework, plus piano, scouts, basketball, and now the knowledge bowl. Plus we have a commuting husband and a mommy who has lots of cooking, cleaning, and errands to run. There isn't much time to be on the computer these days . . . .

Ok, the toddler is losing it. Time to go!

Not Dead

2009-12-08T09:35:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd squelch the rumors about my untimely death by finally updating my blog. What's been going on? Well let me explain. No, there is too much to explain. Let me sum up.

November - Adjusting to thyroid meds, celebrating a birthday for our ONE year old(!!!), putting together an activity for the Primary kids at church (ages 3 - 11), packing up for a trip to Utah for Thanksgiving, insanity of a drive to Utah, one week in Utah with family, less insane (but still insane) drive home from Utah, Christmas shopping (mostly online, thank goodness), and being sick.

December (so far) - Being sick, helping Soren finish a handful of big projects for school, getting ready for the new year in Primary, watching all 3 season of The IT Crowd, chasing an almost walker around the house, being in charge of Sharing Time for Primary all month, continuing to get ready for Christmas (almost done with that), Church Christmas party, and grocery shopping.

Why no pictures? Hmmm... let me see if I can fix that.

Sorry I've got nothing with Soren . . . . the camera has been hiding out lately. I'll need to pull it out soon!

Ok, that's all I've got time for right now. I have a baby who is refusing to nap and a son home from school because his school is out of heat. They need me!

One nap a day? Not on purpose.

2009-11-04T21:17:00.000-08:00

Caroline has only been getting one nap a day lately. Yeah, she's almost a year old - but I swear Soren was much older when he gave up his morning nap and we settled on a nice long afternoon slumber. But I have to keep reminding myself that Soren and Caroline, while related, are definitely opposites in many ways.

Really the problem is that I over schedule my mornings. I always assume I will have more time than I do to get done what is needed. But usually by the time we are all ready for the day, it is probably time for Caroline to go down for a nap. However, I still have to do grocery shopping, doctor's appointments, meetings, and other random errands. Some of these things are non-negotiable morning activities. Others are things I need to know I will get done before afternoon activities hit. Twice a week I babysit in the afternoons and then there is the time crunch on the other days to make sure I'm home before Soren is back from school. Anyway - it all gets stressful and messy so I just give up on the afternoons and try to pack my mornings. Which is probably stupid judging from the afternoon meltdowns Caroline has been having recently. And her continued refusal to eat like a person. Add that to trying to wean her off her bottle and our days are an adventure. And very exhausting.

I must be getting old. Or I'm just out of practice with this whole baby thing. Someone remind me why I want to do it all again? Hahaha!

Oh yeah. Cuz these little creatures are so stinkin' cute!!!

Halloween 2009

2009-11-01T06:57:00.001-08:00

For those of you who don't know, Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. It's right up there with St. Patrick's Day and Christmas. In fact, those are my top 3 - in no particular order. So I decorate the house and we celebrate frequently during October. Last year I was in the hospital the last few days leading up to Halloween and most of the day of Halloween. I was also on bed rest when I returned home in the late afternoon of Halloween day, so basically my celebrations were pretty lousy last year. I didn't even get to go to our church Halloween party! SO depressing!!! Well, this year I think I more than made up for it. Here's a run down of our Halloween celebrations!

Picture heavy post below!

Our Halloween Feast looked like this:

We had dinner in a pumpkin:

Homemade Root Beer:

(with dry ice and in a cauldron - of course!)

And for dessert (like anyone needs dessert on Halloween), we had Frank:

We turned off the lights and enjoyed a dark, spooky dinner by candlelight:

And not just any candles - bloody candles and bone candles:

Afterwards we had a mess on our hands - poor Mr. Pumpkin!:

But this pumpkin was more than pleased with how things went:

We then put out our pumpkins! I painted my pumpkin - Frankenstein - and Caroline put together one of her favorite things in the world - a Kitty!

Soren and Daddy decided a puking pumpkin was apropos (they are boys after all):

But kept the cute by adding an adorable monkey to the other side of the vomit:

While Papa decided to carve a scary pumpkin (the picture does not do it justice!)!

And then, of course, there were the costumes and Trick or Treating! We have Snoopy, Woodstock, and Charlie Brown.

Unfortunately, Frieda was not able to join them this year. That's because mommy was more concerned with everyone else being dressed up and forgot about herself! Loser!!! I did wear an orange shirt that said Trick or Treat on it, though. Do I get points for that?

Overall it was an awesome Halloween! We are already making plans for next year and I couldn't be more excited! Well, maybe I could. We'll see.

Another Illness

2009-10-12T13:14:00.001-07:00

Last week Caroline had a cold according to the doctor (not my normal doctor, she wasn't in that day). She seemed pretty pleasant most of the week, just sniffly and goopy and snotty and a little less nappy than usual, but not unbearably unpleasant. Until Friday night/Saturday morning. She was really cranky, wouldn't eat solids, and was just kinda being a punk. She wanted me to hold her alllllllll the time. I mean, I love her, but seriously. Saturday afternoon/evening the fever started. By Sunday afternoon, she had goop dripping out of her ears. Ok, I know that sounds gross, but there it is. My assumption by that point was that her ear drum had ruptured. Again. And after another appointment this morning, I was right. She also had an infection in the other ear and her eye was still ooozing junk. So we have antibiotics for her now (thank goodness) and she's out for the count after kind of eating some baby food and some banana. Oh, and drinking a bottle.

In one month she will be ONE and I really don't want her to be using a bottle. Blech. I'm not holding my breath on that one, though. We're still struggling with the cup. She is offended when I try to offer her anything in it for the most part. Every so often she'll take water or juice. But heaven forbid I put formula of any kind in it. She gives me this look like - MOTHER HOW COULD YOU!?!?!?! It's funny, but annoying. Kind of like repeated ruptured ear drums. Annoying, but not funny. See, I said KIND OF LIKE, not totally like.

The good news (after that random tangent) is that now I have instructions on when to bring her in if this happens again. So hopefully we'll be able to avoid another rupture. Apparently Caroline is one of those kids who goes from yuck I don't feel so good to MY EAR IS BLOWING UP in about 2 seconds. So I have to watch her close and monitor her temperature and all of that. Good times. Right now the doctor is not worried about damage to her hearing or anything, but we have to watch things closely so it doesn't get that far.

I think that is about all I have energy for today. I'm hoping that in 5-7 days my new (old) thyroid medication will kick in so I can start feeling human once more. You see, to make a long story short, my old thyroid meds are on some crazy conspiracy theory worthy backorder so I ran out and my doc prescribed something new which was HORRIBLE and made me feel like I'd been hit by a truck daily so I called around and found a pharmacy about 20 minutes away on the other side of the river that actually has my old medication so I got a new prescription for it and now I have my new-old medication again and am waiting for my body to feel the love. Was that a short enough version?

Anyway, I'm alive. The kids are alive. The spouse is alive. We are getting through things one day at a time. Mainly because that's about all I can handle focusing on at this point.

Picture Post

2009-09-21T09:25:00.000-07:00

Uncle Blake, Soren, and Uncle Stephen fishing....

Soren showing off his mad skillz.

Caroline wearing a dress I wore when I was a little baby girl! (note the purple? oh yeah, I was rockin' it back then, too)

Classic Caroline face! Love it!

Yeah, I'm already a bookworm. Cuz I rock like that!

Siblings! Oh boy do these two love each other.

Quick story before I forget:

Last night we were reading scriptures. Usually Caroline is eating and/or asleep by this point in the evening, but last night she was awake. So Soren starts trying to read and she keeps leaning herself over so he can see her and smiling at him. She did not want him distracted by this book! He needed to pay attention to HER! Every time he started trying to read, she'd contort her head so it was in his line of sight. We all ended up in giggles and laughed so hard we were crying. What a riot!

That's all for today. Enjoy the photos!

Recipes

2009-09-19T08:48:00.000-07:00

There was a request for a few recipes I suggested to a friend, so I figured here is as good a place as any to put them all!

Pork & Cous Cous

This one is pretty straight forward. I buy the cous cous in the boxes at the store (Walmart carries it, but WinCo does not. Safeway offers it in bulk-ish packaging). Usually I need 2 boxes (4 adults, 1 teenage-sized boy), so I like to mix flavors. Here's what I do for the pork:

4 to 6 thinly sliced boneless pork chops
1 to 2 tablespoons olive oil
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon fresh cracked pepper
Salt to taste

Preheat a large frying pan over medium heat. Add enough vegetable oil to coat the bottom of the frying pan. Gently sprinkle garlic powder and pepper into the oil. Place pork chops into frying pan. Flip chops frequently for even browning and proper cooking. Cover between flips.

This meal is really very quick to prepare. I usually do a veggie on the side and/or a salad as well.

Chicken Rolls

1 pkg. softened cream cheese
4 chicken breasts
8 Tb melted butter (add 4Tb to filling, use other 4Tb for dipping)
2 Tb milk
2 pkg. crescent rolls
Onion powder (to taste)
Parsley (Dried)
Salt & Pepper (to taste)
Bread Crumbs

Preheat oven to 400. Cook chicken (microwave is fast and easy, but you can cook it on the stove if you'd like). Cut up cooked chicken and mix with cream cheese, milk, butter, onion powder, parsley, salt & pepper. Roll out crescent rolls. Fill crescent rolls with desired amount of filling and roll. Dip roll in melted butter, then dip into bread crumbs. Place on baking sheet. Bake for 20 minutes. Serve with ranch dressing or chicken gravy if desired.

We usually eat these with salad, rice, and broccoli.

Chicken Salad

If you have a food processor, this is a SUPER fast meal.

2 cups cooked chicken
1 cup chopped celery
1 Tb lemon juice
Salt and pepper to taste
1/2 c mayonnaise (or more if desired)
2 hard boiled eggs, chopped

Toss first 5 ingredients together, adding enough mayonnaise to moisten to desired consistency. Fold in chopped eggs.

You can do lots of stuff with this - toss on lettuce, put on a croissant, put on regular bread, eat it all by itself... whatever. I like to have grapes on the side and you can also toss in cashews, green onions, or anything else that sounds tasty.

Taco Soup

1lb Hamburger
1/2 Onion - chopped
2 cans diced stewed tomatoes
1 8oz can tomato sauce
1/2 package taco seasoning
2 cans beans (kidney or black)
1 16oz pkg. frozen corn
1 tsp salt
1 tsp sugar
1 8 oz can water
1 pkg. Ranch Dressing (dry)

Brown 1lb hamburger with 1/2 onion. Toss everything into a crock pot, pot, or whatever. This needs to cook for a minimum of a 1/2 hour. Top with sour cream, cheese, crackers, or whatever sounds good.

Sticky Chicken Drumsticks

4 tsp. salt
2 tsp. paprika
1 tsp. chili powder
1 tsp. onion powder
1 tsp. thyme
1 tsp. white pepper
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
1/2 tsp. black pepper
1 package drumsticks (or any chicken with the bone; we use a mix of thighs & drumsticks)
1 onion

In a small bowl, mix up all the spices. Rinse chicken and pat dry with paper towels. Rub the spice mixture into the chicken evenly. You can let this sit in the fridge overnight, or use it right away. Slice onion and line the bottom of the crock pot with the onion. Add seasoned chicken to the crock pot. Cook on LOW for 8 - 12 hours or cook on HIGH for 4-6 hours. You do NOT need to add any liquid... trust me.

Sweet and Sour Chicken or Pork

1 Cup brown sugar
2 Tb corn starch
2 13 oz cans pineapple - crushed, tidbits, or chunks (or 1 20oz can)
2/3 Cup vinegar
2 Tb soy sauce
1 green pepper, chopped
2-3 pieces of cooked and cut chicken or pork
Bag of stir fry veggies (frozen)

Mix brown sugar & cornstarch. Pour in pineapple (w/juice), vinegar, and soy sauce. Heat to boiling to thicken. Add cooked meat and vegetables. Cover & simmer in sauce. Stir in green peppers. Serve over rice.

There they are! And now I'm hungry. Hee hee!

You know how....

2009-09-13T10:40:00.000-07:00

You know how you love to read blogs and stuff? Well, if not, then whatever. But I do. I love reading updates on my friend's and family's lives and hear all the latest juice or the boring, mundane tasks of daily life. I like hearing news, funny stories, and things these people have learned that have helped them grow and become better in some way. I love seeing a big number next to my google reader update because that means I have lots to catch up and read and it makes me happy!

And then there are the blogs that aren't updated frequently at all! I get so frustrated, annoyed, sad (not in an intense way, just like - hey! I wanna know what's up!) and think to myself, "Why don't you update? I'm craving some info, please!" And then it dawns on me...

I'm one of those people!!!

So I hope you don't get upset at me for not updating more. I get upset at myself when I realize the little things I am missing out on writing down for posterity. But sometimes it's more important to cherish the moment for what it is than rush to write it down. Or sometimes sleep is more important. Or sometimes just vegging out is... I dunno. Maybe I'm just coming up with excuses? Could be.

Anyway.

So what's the latest around here?

School is back in session and Soren is now into middle school. He's loaded down with much more homework these days, has adopted a bit more of an attitude (but not as much as a lot of kids his age, so I'm grateful), and has officially moved from the stage of "I love school," to "WHY must I go?" Yay for us. However, he now has a bit more independence and responsibility and I think that is helping him feel a lot more grown up. He continues to be an awesome person to have around and I sure love him. It's fun to joke around with him and be silly. He keeps me young and makes me old at the same time. We are waiting to see which sports he'll be interested in this year, but he is back in piano lessons (finally) and still involved in Scouting. Between that and all the homework, he keeps pretty busy. However, most nights we try to find times for a round of Mario Kart, a family favorite in our house.

Caroline has moved from our bedroom to the laundry room for the time being. She is sleeping better and longer and putting herself to sleep after she wakes up screaming in the middle of the night. We like this. It allows for much more sleep all around. Who doesn't love sleep? You know, aside from children. To offset the joy of sleep, she is now more mobile than I'm really ready for, but are you ever really ready? I dunno. She pulls up on everything and is now bonking her head a lot more, acquiring many bumps and her first bruise. I'm sure many, many more will follow. It's the nature of this stage. As for communication goes, she's managed to master the "more" sign, but uses it even when she doesn't want more. We're working on more signs, but she is stubborn, so we'll see how this goes. She can also say 'hi,' and usually at the correct time. Dadadadadada is still a favorite phrase, though she also tries to sing along to Aba Daba Honeymoon by saying "Abadaba" over and over again with me. It's adorable. All in all, she is at a fun stage and we all enjoy her smiles, laugh, and generally cuteness.

Life is good. We have our ups and downs and are praying for some changes, but if they don't come to pass, then it really could be worse. We try and focus on the good. We love our family, our friends, and our blessings. :)

School is on the Horizon!

2009-09-01T08:56:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the first day of school! Woot! I think the only real reason I'm excited for it is so that we have a schedule/routine somewhere. Caroline is so unpredictable it almost is annoying. Haha! For example, all last week (Monday through Thursday) she woke up around 6:30am, ate a good bottle, then went back to sleep until close to 9am. Thursday night she decided to NOT do that and messed up my schedule (I was expecting her to be my alarm clock) and we were nearly late for Soren's allergist appointment (more on that later). She has proceeded to have whacked out sleep the past few nights, waking up and screaming for no reason and insisting on a bottle around 2am (though last night it was midnight and then she screamed until 2am). Seriously, I have no idea with this child.

So basically, I'm ready for some type of normal schedule. School provides that, thank goodness.

We have learned that Soren is allergic to: cats(!!!), trees, weeds, and grass. He also has Oral Allergy Syndrome. This means that he reacts to the pollen that is inside of fruits because his body is all like I AM ALLERGIC TO EVERYTHING. Does that make sense? Dunno. It made sense when the doctor told me. So we now have to drug him up daily so that his body isn't freaking out all the time.

The good news? The same day Soren went to the allergist, he also went to the eye doctor and his vision is rockin', so he lucked out in that department considering both Alan and I were wearing glasses by 5th grade.

I'm surprised at how quickly the summer has zipped by, but I'm excited for autumn because, quite frankly, it's my favorite time of year. Not too hot, not too cold . . . leaves changing colors and spilling themselves all over the ground, the cool, crisp, autumn breeze, Halloween, and - strangely enough - we celebrate Caroline's 1st Birthday in just a few short months. In 10 days she will be 10 months old. How did this happen?!?!?

Speaking of which, she is crawling all over the place and yesterday she had the audacity to pull herself up on the coffee table. I was not pleased. Especially because I was in the middle of playing Mario Kart with my boys and she distracted me. Haha! Seriously, it's exciting and fun to watch her grow and learn, but I'm not really ready for her to be walking. Luckily she's behind Soren, who was well on his way to running a marathon at 10 months (CRAZY!), but still.... it just makes me that much more baby hungry which is lame because she's STILL a baby!!

Speaking of baby hungry (my segues are repetitive today), no we are not expecting another addition yet (there was some rumor going around due to a poorly worded facebook status update), but my health is stabilizing so it's almost plausible now to really prepare for the procedures again. Which is what I'm in the process of doing - getting my body ready for another round of the nightmare that is fertility treatments. Woot! Don't worry, I fail at keeping a secret of that magnitude for very long (as evidenced by how quickly I spilled about Caroline) . You'll know almost before I do.

Ok, off to shower and then fight the crowds because I still have some school (clothes, not supplies) shopping to take care of today.

12 Years Ago

2009-08-23T18:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Alan and I celebrated our twelfth anniversary! Twelve years ago we were young, stupid, and in love. Now we're just older, a little wiser (but still pretty stupid), and definitely still in love. I am proud of us. We've been through our fair share of ups and downs, but we've made it. It's been hard - really hard - at times. It's also been absolutely blissful at times! Those times make all the hard times worth it. Let me see if I have a picture from our wedding day floating around my machine.....

That's one of my favorites actually!

I love my sweetheart. He makes me laugh, smile, roll my eyes right out of my head . . . he's taught me so many things including computer stuff, cooking stuff, serving others, how to relax, that I'm a good person who deserves to be loved... and so much more. I'm lucky to have such a great guy as my husband. Sometimes I talk to my friends about spouses and it helps me realize what an awesome husband I have - a guy who would go to the ends of the earth to make sure I was happy. He is such a talented guy - he's not just a computer nerd, but he's also got a great voice, can build anything, fix a car, cook a gourmet meal, grow a garden, clean a bathroom ..... but best of all he loves his family and we love him! What a great husband, dad, and man. Goodness, I'm lucky. Did I mention that?

So yesterday we celebrated by going to the temple, then we went to Black Angus for dinner. After that we hung out with my brother and his wife for the rest of the evening. It was a great day! I'm so grateful for parents who are willing to watch our kiddos! We had a great time and I've got pictures of our dinner, but I've got boys who want to play Mario Kart, so I'm off!

:)

What a summer!

2009-08-20T17:52:00.000-07:00

I'm not even sure where to begin on my catching up....

I'll start here:

-Soren spent two long weeks away from us, but enjoyed visiting family in Utah. He was able to spend about a week with Grandma and Grandpa, just shy of a week with his Aunt Tiffy, and a few days with his Great Aunt & Uncle. Lots of fun for him! Highlights include going shooting with Great Uncle Dave (or Grandpa Dave) - he got to shoot a machine gun, a .22, and a .38 special and was in heaven (such a boy), going to Thanksgiving Point, swimming at SCERA, and being with family. He has always loved his trips to Utah, so I was not surprised that he had a blast.

- Caroline has recovered from her ear drum explosion. She is now eating solids about twice a day (if I'm not too lazy) and sleeping better, but not great. I've given in and generally will give her a bottle in the middle of the night if she wakes up wailing. Which she still does most nights. But she isn't screaming all night anymore and she does generally sleep in her bed, so that's nice. She can now get herself into a sitting position on her own, scoot herself all over the floor (she was never into rolling to get to what she wanted), and she is a on the verge of pulling herself up. The last two things happened in the past week. She was not this mobile last week. It really is amazing how fast they learn.

- Alan has been working hard and finally hit his one year anniversary at his job. This means he officially has 2 weeks of vacation/sick leave/etc. that is PAID. Hoorah - we can finally take a family vacation. Sometime. We sure love him and all the sacrifices he is making for our family. We're all hoping that the sacrifices won't have to be so extreme soon.

- As for me? I'm working off and on with web design, being a mom, doing church stuff, getting Soren ready for Middle School, and trying no to lose my mind. My health is slowly stabilizing and we are looking into a treatment or two for some pesky side effects of my many health issues. Hopefully as the winter rolls closer I will physically be able to start treatments again for another addition to our family. Unless my body decides on it's own that it can handle it. We'll see what the next few months hold for us.

Some exciting news? Soren passed his state testing (the WASLs) with flying colors. His councilor from his middle school called yesterday and said that, looking at all factors, she wants to put him in the higher math for 6th graders. I'm hoping he will thrive on the challenge. He did exceptional on his testing, exceeding expectations in all areas. He's a smart kid, but the move here has been rough on him. I'm hoping he can connect with a good group of kids this year.

I have loads of pictures to post but I decided to post them on Picasa. You can view them here.

We've had so much company this summer - it has been exhausting and awesome. There are more pictures to share, but I have to get them onto the computer first. Stay tuned!

Houston, we have lift off!

2009-07-21T15:51:00.000-07:00

Not really. But baby girl did manage to roll from her back to her tummy on Saturday all by herself. And then she did it again today. Crawling is just around the corner, I'm sure. She already is fairly proficient at scooting backwards. Of course she's usually screaming while she's at it because she really is not a fan of being on her tummy.

Silly peanut.

I just needed to jot down that info before I forgot.

Also, Caroline has been spoiling me. Which is wonderful considering that most of July I felt like I had a newborn again with the amount of sleep I was (not) getting. The past few days she has woken up around 7ish and then we've cuddled in bed and both have wound up falling asleep again until close to 9. I love it! But, I know it must end. I have to get back to walking in the morning and soon school will start and I'll be needing to have us both up and going to help Soren get out the door on time. Cherish it while we can, though, right?

Our biggest struggle now is eating. It's an endless struggle with this girl! She would just rather be doing so many other things! Oh well, as long as she's growing and stuff, I guess I shouldn't worry too much. But, I still do!

Soren is gearing up for 11 year old scout camp that starts tomorrow. He isn't thrilled, but hopefully that will change. Scouting hasn't been his favorite thing, but I know it's good for him. He'll come around hopefully.

Oh wow, stinky diaper. Gotta go!

Not a broken record, a broken drum!

2009-07-19T09:25:00.001-07:00

Instead of sounding like a broken record, I am reporting a broken drum.

Apparently, my sweet baby girl's screaming is related to a broken drum. Eardrum, that is. I took her to the doctor on Tuesday because I knew something was not right. A night or two here and there with sleeping issues is one thing. The entire month of July? Not normal. Teething I can understand, but this just was more than teething. I had that mommy feeling. She wouldn't let anyone but me hold her. She was whining most of the day and screaming all night.

What did the doctor say? She was fine. A little fluid in her lungs maybe, but everything else looked fine. Just fine.

Mmhmm.

Thursday morning my sister (who had been in town visiting) noticed some yuck in her ear. So she started to clean it out a bit with her finger and gobs of yuck came out. In her experience (she has 4 kids), yuck coming out of a baby's ear is not a good thing. So I called a pediatric clinic that a lot of my friends use and took her in that afternoon for a second opinion. It didn't take long for the pediatrician to inform me that her ear drum had burst. Not only that, but the antibiotics that my previous doctor had prescribed ("just in case") was not even an effective dose according to the american pediatric association. So, obviously, Caroline now has a new doctor. Last night we managed 8.5 hours of sleep. HOORAH! I still feel extremely sleep deprived, but I know it could be much worse so I'm just gonna power through.

There is much more to report and discuss, but I've got to get over the hump of sleepiness and back into the world of the semi-living. So for now, that is all I've got.

Thanks for the supportive words, advice, and virtual hugs after my last post! I was in a bad place when I typed it up and was just needing some major venting. Thanks for understanding! Still not sure exactly what combo she needs in order to get her sleeping back on track, but we're trying a few different things.

All Night Long

2009-07-13T05:54:00.000-07:00

I feel like a broken record.

Forgive me, but Soren never did this to me and I don't know what to do with myself. What do you do when your child will not, no matter what you have tried, sleep?

Caroline just whines and cries all night long at least every other night, and sometimes every night. I am so exhausted - I have not felt quite this bad since she was a newborn.

Fed her? Check
Tylenol/Ibuprofen? Check
Cuddled her? Check
Tried tummy/back/side/etc. position? Check
Tried ignoring her? Check - she's in the same room as us, though, so it's a little hard (and, no, that can't be helped).
Rubbed her gums with something cold? Check
Ear infection? No idea, but she is generally fine all day long and will even nap once or twice with no problems. So who knows.
Is she sick? No runny nose, no cough, no poopie problems... slight fever once or twice, but it's so minor I don't even stress about it.
Sang to her? All the freaking time, but I think when it's an angry voice, it doesn't really help.
Put her down and walked away for a while? Yeah, but that just makes it worse all around.
Let someone else take her? Yeah, but it's fairly pointless. I still can't sleep and she's still crying.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just being a big whiny baby. Maybe I am and I should just get over it, but between a baby that won't let me sleep and health problems that have me run down anyway, I'm really starting to lose it. I'm not sure how much more I can take emotionally/physically/etc. It didn't really start getting to me until the last 2 times (Friday night and last night) that she did this. I started joining in on the crying and just am at a loss of what I can do to help her because her body needs sleep even more than mine does.

And if I have one more person ask me some form of the question, "You forget how they cry all night, don't you?" I may snap. I didn't forget - I never had a baby do this. Soren was nothing like her in that regard. Not only that, but I am not stupid. I know some babies cry a lot. But if:

A - you've never had a baby that literally can scream for hours on end all day and all night - I don't want to hear it.
B - you aren't in the thick of it experiencing it (again or for the first time), at least TRY to remember how you felt during it and rethink what you are about to say to me
C - you have some actual good ADVICE and not condescending comments that make me feel even more useless and stupid, then you can actually talk to me.

I know it's been 10 years between my kids - NOT my choice - but seriously, I'm not a freakin' idiot. Also, yeah, I'm a lot testy, moody, and generally grumpy when I do not get sleep for days and nights on end. I try, very hard, to put on a freakin' happy face, but it's hard, ok? So if I am short tempered, oh well. I'm doing the best I can.

This angry, annoyed, frustrated rant is brought to you by sleep deprivation.

(I am looking forward to the day I can look back on this period of life with Caroline and laugh. Really, really, really looking forward to it.)

Charlie Bit Me!!!

2009-07-03T08:21:00.000-07:00

If you have not seen the YouTube video called "Charlie Bit Me," go look it up now cuz it makes me giggle. However, it's not as hysterical as Soren will tell you it is. Still, funny.

Anyway, I just wanted to put a note in here that yesterday we discovered 3 things:

1 - Caroline will fight dragons, curses, and mommy's fingers in order to get asparagus in her mouth.
2 - She has 2 teeth (bottom front) and isn't afraid to use them.
3 - Baby teeth are surprising when you don't know they are there.

Off to the grocery store to (hopefully) avoid the 4th of July weekend crazy crowds of doom. Wish me luck!

Speechless

2009-06-30T18:57:00.000-07:00

Do you sometimes sit in stunned silence because someone you thought you knew did something you never thought they'd do to you?

It's at times like this that I realize that we are never safe. If we have a friend who is willing to hurt others, they won't be above hurting you. And that is why I think I'd prefer to surround myself with people who do everything in their power not to hurt others, no matter how frustrating, annoying, and ridiculous people are - there is no reason to intentionally hurt another person.

So another page is turned, another chapter is closing. The writing was on the wall a long time ago, but I didn't want to see it. And now I finally took off my blinders and I see it. And I don't know why, for so many years, I've let people stomp on me, take advantage of me, and treat me like garbage. I am so done with all of that. I'm done with 7th grade drama amongst adults. I'm just done. It's ridiculous and I have better things to do with my time and energy.

Sure, I'm hurt. And upset. And feel like eating a gallon of ice cream. But I'm not going to. Because that's lame. And really, I'm just kind of like - why am I going to let it get to me? Doesn't hurt anybody but myself. And it's less about what happened and more about losing friendships that hurts. But I've been through it before and I'll go through it again. The circle of life and all that.

Onwards and Upwards.

Who-za-what now?

2009-06-22T15:48:00.000-07:00

I've realized I need to stop kidding myself. My blog will get updated when it gets updated. I can either put undue pressure on myself and then beat myself up when I fail, or I can be real. And being real means my blog updates will be sporadic for while, quite possible forever-ish. And that's ok!

So, the latest is this:

I have something called Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. It's ridiculous and stupid and one more problem with my health that I so totally need in my life. It explains why I've been so very exhausted (aside from the obvious baby who doesn't really think sleep is a necessity). But the unfortunate thing is that I have to wait for my Thyroid to fail before we can start medications. So srsly - get on with it.

In other news, many of my spare moments have been filled with sitting on the phone with Verizon yelling at them for being idiots. I canceled my Verizon FIOS account in August of 2008. That's right, nearly a year ago. Long story short, they messed up and have just continued to mess up. So after being kind and patient for 10 months, I'm fed up and have spent lots of time talking to a bunch of different people who aren't helpful. Hopefully I'm done with that today. I think I've also decided that I am going to drop Verizon Wireless as my cell provider because I've simply had enough of Verizon all around. Perhaps I will dedicate a post to that situation soon with a copy of the letter I am going to be sending to corporate.

So that's kinda where I'm at right now. I have a baby girl squirming in my arms, so I need to go and feed her and get her all happy and settled. We've had 3 good nights in a row, so hopefully the trend continues because for about 2 weeks there I was getting next to no sleep.

Summer is here, life is a little more low key, but company arrives soon and life is going to take a turn for the nuts. I'll keep you posted as I'm able. In the meantime - here's a cute baby who is now officially a ham for the camera!

Tuesdays Childs is Full of Grace

2009-06-09T12:48:00.000-07:00

Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go,
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for a living,
But the child that's born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny, blithe, good and gay.

I always loved that poem growing up. I'm a Thursday, Soren is a Friday, Caroline is a Tuesday, and Alan was a Sunday. What about you?

So, Tuesdays (if I can keep with the habit), are going to be about things I am grateful for! God has given me many things to be grateful for, including His grace, which is why I brought up grace in the first place!

Today I am grateful for:

1. The warm-ish weather that has allowed me to be consistent with my walks and not wuss out because of rain! It's so gratifying when I come home, knowing I've done something good for my body and good for my spirit. Thanks to my sweet friend, Chelsea, who goes with me almost every day!

2. Cuddles with my kiddos. This morning I got a good cuddle from Caroline (not a frequent thing!) and Soren and I had time to play a game together before school, which is as close to a cuddle as I can get these days from him. He did give me a hug and kiss before school. I wonder how long that will last.

3. Fresh strawberries. Man do those taste so good! Mmmmm! Delicious and nutritious!

What are you thankful for today?

??? Mondays

2009-06-08T10:39:00.000-07:00

Good morning! Or afternoon! Or evening! Or whenever it is that you might be coming across this little entry! For us it is mid-morning and Caroline is currently munching on her 'elevenses' bottle and trying to kick me so that I will relent and hold her and her bottle so she can be lazy.

I am trying to come up with ways to motivate myself to do a little blogging each day, so I am going to be stealing ideas from friends. Mainly because they are great ideas, but also to give me a jumping off point so I don't bore myself in the future by reading every detail of my day. They are all pretty much the same with little bits of excitement here and there.

So today is Monday. I'm debating between 3 different things for Monday. What do you think? I'll give you snippets and you can give me your opinion on which fascinates you more about my inner psyche. Or whatever.

Motivational Mondays: A motivational thought, synopsis of a motivational book, or just some ponderings that have motivated me to be better.

I've been reading this great book called The Four Agreements. I like to read a lot of varieties of books and this is one of those . . . metaphysical, existentialist, thought provoking kind of reads. I've been fascinated by the approach and the way I've been able to apply so many aspects of it to my life. It has made me stop and think about what I say, how I react to what others say to me, and how I approach each day. It has also reminded me that there is only so much I can get done in a given day/week/month and that is ok! I like books that remind me I do not have to be perfect but also encourage me to strive to be all I can be.

Media Mondays: Things that I've read/heard/etc. that intrigue me/annoy me/interest me/etc. that involve the media.

GASP!!!! Have I really been that sucked into mommy land that I somehow missed this info???? My favorite band, Barenaked Ladies (aka BNL) had lost a member! Not to anything morbid, but he left the band - after twenty years! Wowza. I was in shock when I read the news today (after hearing about it from my brother). And even more in shock that it happened in February and I didn't know and it's flippin' JUNE. How behind am I? So sad. I died a little inside, wondering how in the world some of the songs could even happen, let alone what their onstage banter would be like without Steve. I know this probably sounds a bit obsessive, but I've been in different stages of love with this band since . . . 1995? Yeah, that sounds about right. So, change is lousy. But it will be interesting to see where they go from here.

Musical Mondays: This is where I go on about something musical that I'm currently in love/hate with and/or has fascinated me recently.

The TONY's were last night! Yay Broadway! I don't usually sit through many awards shows (I could go on a very long tangent about the Academy Awards here, but I'll save you the misery), but the Tony's I love. Sure, I was bummed there was no Hugh Jackman to oggle over this year, but Neil Patrick Harris did a fine job. I really enjoyed getting the latest scoop on what was going on out there in NYC. I don't keep up with it like I used to, what with my graduating in Theatre and all, so it's fun to watch snippets of plays/musicals and hear the latest and greatest. I was very impressed with Next to Normal and Shrek The Musical looks awesome. Billy Elliot intrigues me, but I'm still unsure - even though it won a bajillion awards. It all made me miss the theatre a lot.

Well, I may have decided for myself (which is really what I should do) what I shall do with Mondays, but if you have an opinion, feel free to share.

I leave you with this adorable video of my babies:

On a side note, Princess won out in the end with her bottle and is now fast asleep in her crib.

It is easy to get a thousand prescriptions but hard to get one single remedy.

2009-05-28T13:55:00.001-07:00

What a week it has been! I feel like I've moved into the doctor's office! Not really, I exaggerate. But you knew that already.

Ever since my sweet little girl entered the world . . . actually a few weeks before that . . . my body started falling apart. Rude! First it was the Choleostasis followed by the sudden jump in blood pressure and concerns of Pregnancy Induced Hypertension. Fun times! My poor blood pressure is determined not to return to normal (even though normal for me is high for most), so I'm juggling three different medications to try and control it. My liver function is better than it was but still twice as bad as the normal individual. It's coming down every month, though, so that's something. But a new development has started rearing it's ugly head. My thyroid has decided to flip out. So this week not only did I have a normal monthly doctor's visit (yep, I go every month), but I also had to do another blood draw (had one last week as well) in addition to an ultrasound of my thyroid! Ok, body! Enough of the stupid! I know this will all pass, but seriously......

This week on the way home from one of my visits to the doctor I ran into a friend (not literally) who was on a walk. I stopped and chatted with her for a minute and before I know it I'm signed up to go walking with her in the morning! We walked yesterday and today with plans to walk Monday through Friday after Soren hitches a ride to school on the bus. 2.5 miles. Mostly uphill. And when I say uphill I don't mean a super steep little hill, but rather a very long climb. Ha! It's been good, though. I enjoy her company and we push our strollers up the hill and chat about lots of different things. So great!

I'm sure there is more I should share, but I'm tired! I need a little nap before I partake in the rest of the day which includes a "Pride Night" at Soren's school where the band will be playing as well as a song practice for a piece that we (a group of ladies from church) will be performing on Sunday during church. I'd say thank goodness tomorrow is Friday, but it's going to be busy as well. And Saturday. And Sunday. I wonder what is on the calander for Monday?

Growing Up

2009-05-22T08:42:00.000-07:00

It's interesting to me how much not only my life has changed - but how much I have personally changed in the past 6+ months. And how much everything around me is changing as well.

Oh, I'm still me. I'm still crazy and silly and a big ol' kid at heart. But for the first time in my life, I really feel like a mom. Maybe it's having two kids, maybe it's being older... I don't know. Maybe it's because I cook dinner 5 nights a week and am now baking my own bread (& grinding my own wheat). Maybe it's because we are eating things like chickpeas and fresh blanched asparagus. All I know is, I actually feel like I'm not pretending anymore - that I am a full fledged part of the "mom club." Strange.

I know I don't spend as much time on the computer anymore. Oh, it's still on - sitting there humming away. But I'm changing diapers, feeding baby girl, helping Soren with homework, cooking dinner, mashing up fun little foods to torment the princess with, cleaning up little messes, playing peek-a-boo and patty-cake... etc. The good news is that I am starting to find time for the things I used to enjoy - as a release - on the computer. That is a relief.

But, as cheesy, cliche, and silly as it may sound - nothing compares to the joy I feel in being a mother. I say that knowing that there may very well be people reading this who are currently in pursuit and/or feel as though that time may never happen for them. I say it also knowing that there are friends who have no desire to ever be a mother. We are all built different - emotionally, physically, etc. - so it is what it is. But I know that this is the job I was born to do. And, as tough as it might be on some days, there really is nothing that compares to a big hug from my boy, a huge smile from my girl, and the love that is ever present in our home. I love my babies.

On Wednesday, Soren came home from school with a packet previewing what the 5th graders will be discussing in Human, Growth, and Development (aka - Sex Education). I knew it was coming. So we sat down yesterday and had the most amazing 2 hour conversation I think we have ever had. I love that he talks to me. I love that he asks me questions. I love that I'm not too shy/embarrased to answer him. I love that we can have a dialogue that is eerily adult like and yet I can still chase him, tackle him, and tickle him later. It is strange, however, to know that my little boy is growing up so quickly. It hurts my heart a little to know that he knows all about quite a few different very grown up subjects now, but it's all part of the process of life.

Caroline continues to learn new things and gets a little bigger every day. She had her 6 month appointment earlier this week and was 15.1lbs and 27 inches long! That puts her in the 25th percentile for weight and the 90th percentile for height (surprise haha). She's starting to sit up on her own for little spurts of time, she actually plays on her tummy now (until she gets bored and then she rolls over), and she loves to talk, talk, talk! Her favorite phrase right now is 'da-da-da-da.' One of the things that she does that makes us laugh is trying to eat our faces, noses, chins, etc. I know it's something she'll grow out of before I know it, so we love it! Sometimes it is shocking to me that half a year has already passed by - some moments have gone so quickly. Other times it is a relief to know that some very difficult times seem to be behind us and, for now, we are able to enjoy her more and more each day. Three naps a day for 3 days in a row has not hurt, either.

As for me, I am slowly discovering myself again. I am starting to emerge from the post-birth 'mommy 24x7' fog. I've been able to have a girl's night again. I've been to play groups at the park. I'm starting a book club (although Alan and I may always call it The Finer Things Club. . . bwahahaha). I have wanted to be a mommy again for such a long time that I have been cherishing every second (even the crappy ones) of life with a new little baby in the house. But now it's time for me to be me again. But a newer me. A better me. A me with some more perspective on life. It's ok - I love the me I am becoming from the me I used to be. I'm ready.

One of my goals (aside from a clean kitchen sink!), is to try and journal/blog once a day at least on the weekdays. So we'll see how that progresses. I have a handful of other goals and hopefully, if naps can keep up to at least 2 a day, I can start really working towards them.

Today is a day off from school, as well as Monday, so I'm hoping Soren and I can scoot off to the library and then come home and try a new bread recipe! That should be fun because we are going to be grinding up some more grains and working with different flours - rice, oat, and buckwheat. Wish us luck!

And to end the post, I leave you with some fun pictures since I haven't shared for a while:

Baby girl, sitting in the garden box Alan built over the weekend! She loves to be outside. If she is screaming her head off (a habit that is becoming less and less frequent), we just take her outside for a few minutes and she calms right down!

Bwahahaha.... I always said I would never put huge bows on her head, but seriously? I just loved how funny it looked on her so we kept it on all day yesterday. Also, whenever I use the flash, she goes cross eyed. It's pretty funny. But hey, she's cute!

Soren wanted to jump in the box, too! Actually, we made him go in and then plopped Caroline in his arms - which he rarely says no to! Cute kiddos!

Here she is, sitting up! We call that toy her 'sitting up' toy. I usually only let her play with it if she is practicing sitting up! She's getting better, little by little. I'm enjoying the fact that she's not mobile quite yet, though.

Ok, that's all for now! I'm off to chill with my boy!

Homemade Love From Nae

2009-05-13T10:22:00.000-07:00

OK! So this is how this works...The first five people to respond to this post will receive something made by me for you. My choice made especially for you. Of course there are some restrictions and limitations:~

1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make! (Of course, I will try to make something that I think you would like.)
2. What I create will be just for you.
3 It will be done sometime this year.
4. You have no clue what it will be... it may be a story. It may be poetry or an article on properly cleaning your face before a masque. I may draw or paint something. I may bake something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure. ;-)
5. I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.
6. I will send it anywhere! It doesn't matter where you live!

Yay - it gives me something to do!

That's all for now - more later!

You know you're a mom when....

2009-05-08T17:16:00.000-07:00

You come home feeling proud of yourself for saving a ton of money at the grocery store! I went shopping today to pick up a few things for our Mother's Day dinner on Sunday and about died! I saved over $60!!! Go me!! And I was even at Safeway - and I don't shop there that often because the prices are usually crazy, but when they have sales... wowsa!!!

So check this out - 20lbs of RIBS (yum!) for.... $13. You read that right! They were on sale AND the check out lady scanned $13 worth of coupons for me! Plus I got some V8 Fusion (YUM!) for $1.49 (with coupon). But my favorite deal? 3lbs of strawberries for the price of 1lb! Score! They were buy one, get one free and then I had a free lb of strawberries coupon!

In other news, I am going to make my yummy bread again either tonight or tomorrow. I think I shall take a picture this time and show off my creation! I am also contemplating purchasing raw milk instead of regular ol' supermarket milk. The FDA is trying to scare me out of it though.... cuz there have been 800 whole reported cases of E.coli in the past 9 years that have been traced back to raw milk. But seriously? I'm tired of the over-processed American diet. Let's get back to basics, peeps!

Also - I love Netflix. I love that I can watch stuff on my computer. It's super dooper nifty neato!

Have I blabbed enough?

Oh, and another thing? I have the best job in the world. I sure love my kids - even when they drive me crazy. Being a mom rocks. Being a mom that gets to stay home with her kids rocks even more!

Ok, time to figure out what to feed the masses. I was supposed to crock pot today but I FORGOT because I was in the middle of playing Mario Kart. I am seriously addicted. I only have 2 more characters and one more vehicle to open. I just want to beat the game so I can stop obsessing! If Caroline slept longer, I'd be done already....

*giggles*

Have a great weekend! And, in case I don't post again - Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful women of the world!!!!

Who needs sleep?

2009-05-05T21:29:00.000-07:00

Sleep is for the weak, right?

I guess I'm week... I really miss my sleep! Caroline has decided that she really is done with sleeping through the night, which is upsetting for all of us. It's a good thing that I love her so much that I'm willing to sacrifice hours upon hours of sleep for her!

The good news, though, is that Monday she sat up on her own for the first time! She's not very stable at all, but I managed to get a picture or two of her new 'skill.'

So yay for Caroline! Now if we could just work on the sleep thing.....

In other news, I've been experimenting in the kitchen! Maybe when I think about it, I will start taking pictures of some of these experiments. I made some bread last week that was delicious and totally nutritious at the same time! I've been grinding my own wheat and yesterday I made chicken rolls with whole wheat crescent rolls that I made all by my lonesome! I was pretty amazed at myself, even if they didn't taste 100% like I wanted them to - it was a start, though.

Also, yesterday I had a free lunch at KFC and about died when I saw the ingredients on the back of the Honey Spread they offer their victims:

High Fructose Corn Syrup (don't believe the commercials, it's all lies)
Corn Syrup
Sugar
Honey
Caramel Color
Natural Flavors
(11% Honey)

I'd rather just have regular honey, please.

Well, I had more to ramble about, but it's time to take Soren to scouts and get dinner rolling. More later.

2009-05-01T07:33:00.000-07:00

I would be remiss if I did not put in a little plug about what this week is:

Although we've been blessed with two wonderful children, that does not change the fact that we've dealt with (and will most likely continue to deal with) infertility for most of our married life.

Infertility is a real medical condition. It effects a couple physically, emotionally, and spiritually. There are rarely any quick and easy fixes for infertility. And even if you are one of the lucky ones who are able to get pregnant and even have a successful pregnancy, infertility doesn't go away. It's still there. So while I may be sitting next to the most beautiful baby girl in the entire world (what? it's true! hehe), I still vividly remember the longing for another child. Why so vividly? Because it's already returned! And we already know it will be an uphill battle to expand our family any further.

If you know anyone who is suffering from infertility, please choose your words carefully. It's a fine balance between saying enough about your life to remain involved with your friend and saying too much. You know your friend better than I do. Be sensitive, but more importantly - be as informed as you can. And, for the love of all things, don't say anything as stupid as - "Just relax," "Take a vacation," or "why don't you 'just' adopt." Please. Be smarter than that.

You can learn more about infertility here.

And be grateful for any little terrors you have running around.

Oh - and here is a bonus picture for listening to me yammer:

Spring Is Here!

2009-04-25T17:52:00.000-07:00

Some people mistakenly think that all it does in Washington is rain. This is not true! Especially in the area of Washington in which we live. Sure, we do get rain. Sometimes it rains for longer than any of us would like, but living amid the green is so totally worth the little issue of "rain." However, it has been a bit of a transition for us because even when it was raining in DC, the sun was usually out. Or it came out the next day. Here, sometimes the sun hides a little longer than I have been used to - especially during the winter. So we were all happy to welcome the spring the past week or so! The sun has been out, the temps have been warmer, and the rain has been intermittent and, some days, nonexistent! So - HOORAY for SPRING!!!

In case you didn't mark it on your calendar (oh, you ALL did, you know it!), Caroline turned 5 months old about... 2 weeks ago. HAHA! Here's some pics of her on the day it happened:

That's my girl! She's just had her tubby and is getting shmeared with lotions! I can't believe she is smiling here - for some reason the lotion part is the part she hates most when it comes to bath time!

Another smile after one of the worst parts of bath time - getting OUT of the tub! Noooooo!!! Isn't the towel fab? Thanks Auntie Jen!!!

Our little princess love, love, loveeesss to stand. She'd prefer to be on her feet to almost anything. You know, aside from being held, eating people's faces, crying, etc. No noodle legs here. I figure she'll be walking long before she masters the art of crawling. Kind of like her brother.

So we also had Caroline's first Easter and Soren's 11th. That's strange to say. I don't think I'll say that anymore. I honestly failed at taking pictures of everything, but I did get one of Caroline in this fabulous dress her Grandma gave her for Christmas.

We had an Easter Egg hunt, but I think she was asleep for the whole thing. And dinner with most of my family (sans my sisters and their families since they don't live here.... ). It was all pretty mellow and casual. That's how we roll. Well that's how *I* tend to roll, anyway.

Last weekend we took the whole family to the temple and walked around outside for a bit and enjoyed the beautiful weather.

It was a gorgeous day and super nice to go and enjoy the sweet feelings we all had while we were there. Soren and Caroline headed back home with Nana and Papa and Alan and I stayed at the temple and did some service there. It was very nice, but hard to be away from my kiddos!

So that's the latest with some recent pics. I will leave with this picture - which is posted mainly for my friend April, but also because baby feet are cute to share with anyone:

Do you see those socks? Those are HAPPY socks! And they are on cute, finally chubby, little baby toes! And feet.

Yay!

O.. Hai!

2009-04-14T16:21:00.001-07:00

Remember me?

Did you think I got lost and stuck on my trip home from DC? Well, if you live in DC, you know I didn't, else I would have been stalking you all and spending copious amounts of time with you.

Honestly, I don't know why I've been on my own personal blog-vacation, but I have. I guess I feel like life is pretty much the same, ya know? How much do you want to hear about Soren and Caroline, anyway?

Oh.

You DO want to hear about them? And see pics? My bad.

Really, I've just been pretty sleep deprived because someone I know (name withheld to protect the not-so-innocent) has decided that sleeping is for babies and she's a big girl. Or something. I dunno. I mean, I love spending time with (name removed), but when most of it is spent with loud screaming in my ear? Well, let's just say I've upped my dosage of Tylenol. The sleep deprivation causes me to spend a very limited amount of time on the computer, mainly because when I am slightly awake, I usually have my adorable daughter ~~wailing~~ laying in my arms.

I really do love being a mom. Honest! In fact, I'm anxious to have another child join the ranks of our little clan (which is a totally fitting word because we are Scottish!). Of course, who knows how long THAT will take. Oh well. Heavenly Father obviously wants me to learn patience and none of the many, many, many lessons I have had thus far seem to be working, apparently, or else I wouldn't need any more, right? Hee hee.

Oh, right. You wanted pictures. Unfortunately, my camera is upstairs. So all you get are a few that I took with my phone:

They are so cute! Every few weeks I take a picture of the two of them and stick it as the wallpaper on my phone. This is the latest version I have.

A rare image.... so precious, though!

Our goofy boy being... well... goofy!

So cute!

Ok, that's it for now. I've got "someone" yelling again.

I'll try to get those pics off my camera soon for those that are hungry for more!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2009-03-17T16:09:00.000-07:00

For those of you who are unaware, I happen to adore St. Patrick's Day. For some strange reason, it's seriously one of my favorite holidays! I'm not Irish, I don't drink beer, but I just love to celebrate the day where we wear green and all pretend we are Irish. You see, I've secretly always wanted to be a red headed, green eyed, Irish gal. It's true.... I even got green contacts in high school and dyed my hair red. Yeah, for real. I know - I'm crazy. But you all knew that already, right?

Some of you may recall what I did last year, though I forgot to take pictures of our yummy Irish Stew. This year I am (finally) in DC, so I didn't get to go crazy with my celebrations. Jen, however, knows about my psychosis and we had green lime-ade, green grapes, green broccoli, green salad, and potatoes (with all those yummy toppings). We also dressed up our munchkins in green and pulled out the camera. Check out the fun:

Aren't they adorable? We're planning their wedding already. Ok, I'm kidding - but ya know, we have to joke about it! The first time we put them next to each other, Timmy tried to grab Caroline's hand and she leaned in for a kiss. Looks like I'll have to keep a close eye on her as she gets older!!

Well, it's time for girl's night, so I should go. I leave you with a few pictures of my princess, who has really been an incredible angel on this trip.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

Pretty carpet, no?

2009-03-14T15:40:00.001-07:00

This is my current view. Stuck at the Portland Airport. It's ok, though. In all of this fun, I'm ending up getting to stay the night with my sister in Phoenix. Luckily, this is what's been hanging with me for most of the day.

Except now she is mad. So, I am going now.

Hope to be in DC sometime tomorrow!

Losing My Mind

2009-03-12T21:30:00.000-07:00

Someone asked me today how old Caroline was. I said - Almost 4 months old.

Someone asked me about 20 minutes later how old she was and I happened to be looking at my watch at the time. My watch has the date on it. Apparently she IS 4 months old. So I corrected myself.

Then I wondered how I could have missed her little 4 month milestone.

I sometimes feel like such a crummy mom because I've watched so many of my friends coo and love all over their babies and celebrate each moment with joy, pictures, bragging, and all of that kind of stuff. Me? I miss half of it, record even less, and don't do nearly as much hoorah-ing or picture-taking. What's wrong with me? It's not that I don't care. It's that I'm a scatter-brained idiot quite frequently. This is why I have to write everything down. Like, seriously, everything.

Anyway - so this is me saying - HEY, CAROLINE, I recognize how old you are. May you look back at this entry and realize that your mom is just as spacey as you probably think she is.... but she still loves you.

Also - it really needs to warm up. Soccer practice is COLD.

Such a Kidder!

2009-03-11T22:09:00.001-07:00

Yeah... I'm a kidder. I was totally joking about posting every day. Really. I bet you fell for it, too, didn't you? Bwahahaha!

Caroline rolled over from her tummy to her back yesterday. There was much clapping. I'm sure it's only a matter of time (duh!) until she can roll the other direction. This will mean no more hanging out on the couch/bed/other surfaces for her. Oh well! I just don't want to discover that the hard way... ya know - her falling off the couch because she's figured out how to roll and I haven't figured out that she's figured it out. Did that make any sense? It's late and I'm tired.

Soren started soccer last week. He practices at a school about 15-20min away. That's kinda annoying, but I'm just glad to have him back in soccer! We are excited to start going to games and showing Caroline the ropes - even if she won't remember them. Gotta get her into the family sport!

I think I've gotta start setting less ambitious goals for myself. Blogging every day is a little much for me yet. I am really close to being to that point, but I'm just not there yet. My new responsibilities at church mean another change, plus my trip to DC, plus I've got to re-evaluate my health when I get back. So for now.... I will update as I'm able. What I'd REALLY like to do is start including more pictures! Goodness! I haven't had the camera out in ages, just my cell phone. I do have quite a few cute pictures on there.

Caroline also had her first taste of cereal on Monday. She wasn't a fan. We'll try again after DC.

You know what's good, though? I'm finally getting out of the house. Today I had a meeting (for church), then headed to the park (it was FREEZING, by the way - the wind was killer) for a friend's son's birthday thingie that ended up getting cut short because of the cold. But, ya know, it was worth it - even though we weren't all there for very long. I got to visit with people. Then I took a break (so Caroline would sleep), but after that I was running errands. After that I cooked dinner (Chicken Fajitas - it was Mexican night... have I talked about my theme nights for dinners? I love it!), then dealt with screaming like a wild banshee girl.

Did I mention that Caroline screams a lot? She does. But at least she smiles and giggles and squeals enough now to balance out the screaming. Mostly, anyway.

I'm looking forward to my trip to DC. I'm also looking forward to coming back home and really getting into the swing of post-birthing a baby life. I finally feel like I'm ready to move forward. Hooray!

Ok, it's time for me to find my pillow. Plus, I think the Cobert Report is on. That show cracks me up.

Night!

Barely Squeaking A Post In

2009-03-04T23:07:00.000-08:00

With 52 minutes left in the day, I'm posting. It's going to be short and quick because I'm exhausted.

Caroline must be going through a growth spurt because she's been a mess today and had a lot more food than usual. So she's been screaming and trying to eat my face and I'm like - WHY are you trying to EAT me? You JUST ate! Goodness! So it's been a long day and not very productive, but also not NOT productive, either. Have I confused you yet? Good. Stay with me.

I found out today that a little girl who's life I have been following for nearly a year passed away due to complications after a heart transplant. She was almost a year old and was born with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. I found this out quite early on in the day and I have to say that it led to some emotional outbreaks off and on all day. No, I do not know the family personally, but I've been following her story for so long that I feel like I know them. It just broke my heart to hear that sweet Gracie was gone from this life... Ugh! I just want to hug that whole family.

Anyway.... I spent the day getting a few things done around the house. I'm a step closer to cleaning up all the paperwork in my bedroom. I hope to have it done before I leave for DC.

Oh and since I stink at commenting in response to my comments:

Trina ~ Same calling as you! I hope I enjoy it as much as you seem to be!
A-Dog ~ Girl, you better know that I'm going to be seeing you! I plan on being at church on the 15th so be there, yo! Also, are you going to Mer's baby shower? Cuz I'll be there, too.
Tiff ~ We're excited to see you, too! Sorry that I'll be a little late showing up but at least we'll get a day or two together.
Jen ~ Dude. So freakin' excited to see you. SO excited.
Nancy ~ My stroller is too flippin' big and bulky. I might regret it later, but for now I will take my cozy Moby and call it good. If I had a more compact or easy to travel with stroller I might think about it.

Did I miss anyone? I'm sorry in advance if I did. But seriously - I'm going to go to bed in like... 2 minutes.

Ok, I'm going to take my 'feeling out of it and wondering if I'm getting sick' self and lay my head down on my pillow and find Mr. Sandman.

Night!

March.....

2009-03-03T21:41:00.002-08:00

It's been brought to my attention that this month is NaBloPoMo - National Blog Posting Month. Maybe this will be a good opportunity for me to regain my posting habits. Ever since our sweet angel entered the world, nothing has been normal, scheduled, or very habit forming. Nothing, that is, except catering to the whims of a very opinionated and vocal almost-four-month-old. We're slowly getting things in order, but this might help. I have no lofty goals of posting every single day, but I'd like to post more often. I'm missing documenting things and that's crappy.

Like last Sunday (Feb. 22nd), Caroline laughed for the first time. It was one of the cutest things I've ever heard! And this morning she woke up WITHOUT crying for the first time ever. It was so nice to just hear her cooing and squealing instead of screaming like a wild banshee. Oh, but don't worry - she still does plenty of screaming! Haha!

So trying - just trying - to post once a day will be an improvement.

Here's a recap of the days of March I've missed already.

March 1st - Sundays mess up any slight sembalance of schedule we've formed in our lives. But that's ok. We'll still go to church! I've got a new responsibility at church now. I'm back in the Primary with the children (shocker!) but I'm NOT leading singing time. This time I'm in the presidency. So that should make our Sundays even that much more interesting. Caroline will get swapped around between me and Alan and, occassionally, I'm sure my parents will get her. In some ways I'm excited to be back in with the kiddos and in other ways I'm wondering if I'll ever spend more than a few months in with the adults again. I'm sure it will come - eventually. Maybe? Haha!

March 2nd - Considering this was only yesterday, it's sad how little I remember. Let me think. Oh yeah! Post-Sunday schedule reformation. I had grand plans to get up, take Soren to chess club, head to the grocery store and pharmacy and be back in time to feed Caroline and then head to Mommy & Me singing time. Bwahaha. Caroline nixed that idea. She decided that eating was over rated until AFTER we dropped Soren off, so I had to come home and feed her. Then she fell asleep and screamed every time I moved (yeah, she fell asleep on me). So I gave up and let her nap. Then the day just was messed up from there. I did manage to finally make it to the grocery store where I carried her around in my new Moby Wrap which I love. I never thought I'd be into 'baby wearing.' And really, I'm not. But she is such a fussy baby that it's nice to be able to just toss her in the wrap and do what I need to do without her screaming. I bought the wrap because we are flying standby to DC and I won't be taking a stroller or carseat. I needed something to transport her in while wandering the airport for an undisclosed amount of time. Anyway, I'm just loving it - especially as she's becoming awfully hefty to lug around in the carseat and she's not sitting up yet. Wow - tangent! Anyway. I made Coconut Thai Curry Chicken for dinner (not a fan - but my dad and Alan both loved it) and then I was exhausted. A running theme in my life is exhaustion. So then it was Mario Kart and off to bed.

Today was another "this is my plan" kind of day and then Caroline tossed a wrench or two in that, so I am grateful I was able to get a few things done between the feeding, cuddling, snuggling, playing, and loving. I also got a phone call about soccer this morning that caused a domino effect to my day. Apparently our first game is on Saturday so our first practice is on Thursday. This caused me to have to reschedule Soren's piano lessons to Tuesdays (it would have made his Thursdays horrible to keep them there) and - guess what? - today is Tuesday. So off we went right after school to piano lessons. Then it was home to cook dinner one handed because Caroline was screaming. I actually had to pause and feed her in the middle - good thing it was Taco night! So now it is after 10pm. I'm going to play one round of Mario Kart and then call it good. I'll switch laundry in the morning and attempt to tackle my bedroom (for the hundredth time) after my doctor's appointment tomorrow morning.

Yes, I am addicted to Mario Kart.

Haha!

An Overdue Update

2009-02-26T13:49:00.002-08:00

How is March just around the corner? That's crazy.

Life has been a sea of emotions and insanity. I've had some extreme ups and downs. My kids are my ups, that's for sure. I love them both so much and just want to squish them all the time.

We are still debating on where to live, so until we can figure that out, we're here with my parents. We're still digging through hospital bills from a nearly 3 week stay (I am stunned at how expensive it can be and want to hug all of my friends who have battled keeping their babies with much longer stays! ugh!) and, of course, still adjusting to life with a baby. Sometimes it's hard to remember life without our little miracle and other times I suddenly realize that I have kidS - children - and that still weirds me out. There seem to be constant challenges around every corner, but we've decided to put our shoulder to the wheel and simply push along.

We are finally able to take advantage of one of the perks of Alan's job - air travel for cheap! On March 14th I get to sneak away to Washington, DC and visit my friends out there for a week! I'm pretty excited for lots of reasons. Soren, however, is very jealous! So I suppose that means another trip this summer so he can join in on the fun! I'm a little nervous about traveling with Caroline simply because I don't forsee her being a good traveler... she's ~~so very moody and all~~ got quite a little personality and I'm not sure others will appreciate it for 6+ hours on an airplane. However, we do what we must to go see old friends whom we love! Plus, I've got to get photos of Caroline with the two doctors that helped get her here!

Well I just realized it's crock pot night and, since it's nearly 3pm, if I don't get it in now, it won't be done in time for dinner. I just wanted to update that we are all alive and at functioning levels! Hooray!

The Future

2009-02-17T11:56:00.003-08:00

What does the future hold if your kid screams because of hairbows and outfits?

She already hates the way I dress her.....?

Seriously - I am not joking. She screamed bloody murder when I thought I would DARE take her to my brothers house with a hairbow she'd had on all day. Apparently she didn't want her cousins to see her thusly dressed!

This morning she screamed and screamed and screamed and I could not figure out why. We tried food, pacifiers, a swaddle and a nap and nothing would stop the screaming. That is, until I took off part of her outfit and the cutest shoes on earth. Well, cute to ME anyway. Apparently SHE is not a fan. Now she's fine. Especially if I am holding her in view of the computer screen and allowing her to gnaw on my fingers.

Oh - the part of the outfit was just a little cotton jacket. And the shoes? They fit her fine - promise!

You can already tell she is going to speak her mind....

Such a princess!

Woah.... where's my schedule?

2009-02-12T12:48:00.004-08:00

I woke up in a fog of confusion this morning.

You see, I looked at the clock and it was 6:45am. WAH?

Caroline slept from around 11pm until nearly 7:30am this morning! Do you hear the angels singing? I do! Now now, before you think - well duh, she's a formula baby now, of course she'll sleep through the night - her last bottle of the day is still breastmilk. In fact, about half of her feedings are still breastmilk. She just doesn't get it 'from the tap.' 'Cuz she's stubborn and has the world all figured out at only three months old!

Anyway...

Even if it was just one night, I'm ok with that. It was glorious!

Of course the rest of our day has been totally thrown off course. We'd finally gotten a little routine going, but now I'm all turned upside down.

The joys of babies!

Another joy is seeing that smiling face - golly gee whiz, that's freakin' awesome!

A Warm Post on a Cold Day

2009-02-10T14:05:00.004-08:00

It's snowing. Again. What is UP with that? So I decided to make a post about the warm day we had at the park last week. Less than a week ago, really! And now it's snowing!

Anyway.

This is Caroline's first trip to the park. Soren wasn't too excited about having her come along, but I wanted to take my kidS to the park. So the kidS went with their mommy!! The weather said it was going to be nearly 60 degrees out! Yay! So here's a few pics of our little trip:

Caroline slept for the walk up to the park, but then she got hungry and had her afternoon snack in the sunshine!

While she ate, Soren found a friend to shoot hoops with:

I had a lovely chat with this boy's mom and then it was time to walk the rest of the way to the church so Soren could go to Scouts. On the way back I was able to take a picture of the park again, this time with a view of Mt. Hood:

I am glad to live close to a park, I just wish it wasn't uphill to get there. At least it is downhill on the way home, though! Hoorah!

It was kinda funny, though . . . when we got to the church, Caroline was making her tell-tell signs that she had mucked up her pants. Unfortunately, the church was locked because we were about 20min early for scouts. So we got to change her pants on the front lawn of the church! Haha! I hope she didn't get too cold. I mean, the sun was out and all but it is still February!

Yay for trips to the park!

Trip to the Beach

2009-02-05T11:45:00.004-08:00

This past weekend was my parent's 40th wedding anniversary. My dad whisked my mom away on Wednesday to a beach house owned by some friends of ours from church. We were invited to join them for the weekend, so we packed ourselves up and off we went!

Can I just say that packing up a baby is way more work than I remember it being? Haha! Soren's packing involved me throwing a bag at him and saying - get clean underwear and some clothes. Caroline? Goodness. Diapers, wipes, 4,000 changes of clothes (she poops a lot... and everywhere), blankets, stroller, burp rags, breast pump, bottles, etc. etc. etc. And I want to travel across the country with her next month???? Yeah, I still do. Hee hee!

We flew kites:

This kite should look familiar to my friend, April. Hey April? Let Tom know that it flies beautifully - we love it!

We also finally got out a kite that Soren received as a present from Grandma and Grandpa years and years ago:

I was going to take photos of the food we ate, but it's hard to do that when you are trying to feed both yourself and a baby! Needless to say, it was yummy!

This was the first big trip we've taken together as a family and we had a great time! It was very relaxing and wonderful to spend time away from the house! Hooray for getting OUT!

The Latest On The Princess

2009-02-05T11:21:00.004-08:00

So we all know that our little one has had some struggles with her growth, her eating, and everything in between! It seemed like she was starting to get the hang of things for a few days and then she turned the other direction and now she wants nothing to do with nursing. I'm pretty sad about that, but I've decided to take a big deep breath and just let it go. I'd rather enjoy her cute little smiles, coos, and snuggles than argue with her for an hour or more 6-8 times a day. So we are slowly transitioning to formula. I hate to do it, but my supply (especially because I'm pumping) isn't what it needs to be. So, there ya go. We've made it almost 3 months and it's been a fight the whole way. I figure we'll have enough fighting during her teenage years, so let's stop fighting for now. Like I said, I'm pretty sad about the whole thing, but I'm trying to think of the positives. I'd say I will miss our special time, but it's generally been a nightmare. Maybe next time - armed with the knowledge and experience I have now - things will go more smoothly!

That being said, Caroline has officially surpassed the 9lb mark. I haven't weighed her yet today (I rented a scale - I'm like a first time mom, I swear!), but at her last weight check she was 9lbs 5oz! She also continues to lengthen... she's gonna be tall - but that's not really a surprise. What I am really loving, though, is how alert she is getting and how many smiles we get to see on a daily basis (especially now that she is getting food!). I can't believe it's almost been 3 months since she joined us. I also can't believe how long it is taking me to get my life back together. I was told, however, that for each day in the hospital plan on a week of recovery. That explains a lot. But we're getting there.

That's our girl! She's a doll!

At least she's not as teenie as a doll anymore!

More Pictures

2009-02-05T11:07:00.007-08:00

Finally getting around to updating again....

Here are some pics of my boy - isn't he handsome?

And here's our family all together!

I sure love my family. They all rock!

One More Post for Today

2009-01-19T17:11:00.004-08:00

As I mentioned previously, my brother-in-law - Alex - is a fab photographer. We had a great time visiting with him and my sister this weekend and, in the process, were able to get some great photos of the family. Here's a few of Caroline:

I need to edit my hand out of this one, but I just love her expression and the lighting and everything. So precious!

Me and my girl. And really, she is. Dang - she looks so much like me it is freaky.

Yup - she's finally starting to smile, respond, and react to people. And her smile melts my heart! What a doll!

She was nearing meltdown point here, but I had to get a photo of her with the cute hair thing my sister-in-law gave to her! I put that thing on her head and just giggle!

There are a few dozen more, but those are a few of my favorites. Alex also put this together:

I will try to update soon with pictures of Soren, our family, New Years-ish time, and the latest on Caroline's growth and eating stuff. Look for more posts soon!

A Blessed Day

2009-01-19T16:55:00.003-08:00

On December 28th, 2008 we were able to bless Caroline at church. We were lucky enough to have Alan's parents, 3 of his siblings, one of his brother-in-laws, and one nephew with us on top of my parents and my two brothers, their wives, and 5 of my nieces and nephews. Yay!

Caroline's blessing dress was made from my wedding dress. Cuz, ya know, when am I using that again? I'm not. I'm married to my forever sweetheart. I'd actually almost donated the thing Brides Against Breast Cancer but I knew I had to get it cleaned before shipping it off and I just never had the time/money to do that. Good thing! I thought it was pretty special and I also thought that she looked like a little Victorian baby - all dressed up. Thanks to my mommy for making the dress! She's brilliant like that!

Here's some pics of our special day:

Soren - The Best Big Brother!

2009-01-19T15:03:00.005-08:00

Yup, still playing catch up!!

Here are some pictures of Soren with Caroline. He loves to hold, snuggle, hug, kiss, cuddle, talk to, and just generally love on his sister. Whenever I can catch the opportunity I will snap a photo of the two of them.

This was just shy of Caroline turning one month old. Soren loves to kiss her and remind her how much he loves her. He is "brother" to her and as she is getting older and more expressive I can see the love in her eyes when he holds her. It is so precious!

This is the same day - the two of them laid down for a little snuggle.

A few days later we got a few more photos of the two of them together.

On Christmas morning Soren took his place on the stairs - a tradition while he waits for the ok to come in and see presents - but this time he got to have his new sister with him.

He sang Christmas carols (another tradition) not only to encourage the house to wake up, but to soothe his sister who was slightly crabby (her bottle was waiting downstairs).

And this past weekend we had a wonderful visit with my sister, Staci, and her husband, Alex. Alex is a fantastic photographer and these are some shots he took of the two of them together:

We are loving seeing our kids together. It's still so strange to say "kids" and "children" and basically anything that pluralizes our posterity. However, it's a good kind of strange. Love these two angels!

One Long Post or a Bunch of Short Ones?

2009-01-09T11:21:00.004-08:00

I'm trying to debate how to handle all the things I need to update about....

Let's just start with Christmas and we'll go from there.

Our Christmas was very simple this year, what with the purchase of the new van and all. Also, I did not send out cards and I failed at getting presents for anyone but my immediate family. (This statement reminded me that I had 2 presents to order and so I just did that). I hope to have cards of some kind out by February.

Here are a few pictures of our Christmas fun:

Soren got his annual pair of pajamas:

If you can't read the shirt - it has a Wii-mote on it and says "I work out everyday." It made us all giggle. Also, his pj shorts have the Wii logo all over them. He loved his PJs this year more than years past, I think. Especially the shirt. Caroline did not get any pj's this year because she has too many clothes already.

Here are my cuties together:

I'm telling you, whenever I catch a photo op with this two it just melts my heart. Soren is the best big brother ever and I love seeing him with his sister. They are just too cute together!

On Christmas morning Soren was excited to get lots of things including:

A telescope from Aunt Tiffy, Uncle Tim, and his cousins Ethan, Zack, Wyatt, and Mallory. We can't wait until the weather clears up enough that we can take it out and discover lots of fun things in the night sky!

He also received:

His favorite season of Dr. Who. (Season 4) He has yet to sit down and watch it, but he's been a pretty busy kid!

Check out the fun he and his daddy had on Christmas morning:

We had a very Wii Christmas - we got the Wii Fit (Thanks Mom & Dad!) and a bunch of games for the Wii including:

Wii Ski (Thanks Mom and Dad!)
Raving Rabbids TV Party (thanks, me! Ha!)
Active Life Outdoor Challenge (Thank you, Beth! We LOVE this one!)
DecaSports (Woot! Family gift)

I think there was one more, but I don't know. Anyway, they are all super fun. We spent most of Christmas day playing. We were supposed to go to a movie, but the parking lot was a mess because of all of the snow we had. Yes - we had a WHITE CHRISTMAS! That was one of the few for my lifetime and only the 7th for the Portland Metro Area in the past 50 years. So awesome! It's okay, though - our movie tradition did not die. We just went the next day and saw The Tale of Despereaux, which was very cute.

I thought I had pictures of Christmas Eve dinner.... Let me look again....

Nope, guess not - though I swear I took some! Odd.

Well, I shall leave you with this picture to end my post about Christmas. This is an adorable outfit that my friend Candice (back in Virginia) gave to Caroline! We were able to (sort of) fit her into it. You can't see the huge safety pin we had to put in the pants to keep them up! Hee hee!

So - a belated Merry Christmas to you all!

Still Alive

2009-01-07T08:56:00.001-08:00

Yes, I am still alive. We are all still alive here at the house. Let's just say that between the holidays, family visiting, a baby being blessed, continued feeding issues, and the chaos of everyday life, the computer has fallen by the wayside.

I intend to update more frequently. Really, I do.

That being said -

Merry Christmas
Happy New Year

Mine were great! Maybe I will be able to recap soon.

Instead I leave you with promises of updates, photos, comments on your blogs, and responses to comments on mine. Or should I say a hope of those things instead of a promise? Probably.

Must go feed the baby.

A Few Milestones....

2008-12-16T21:31:00.003-08:00

Goodness, life is nuts.

I had plans to post on Caroline turning a month old, but things got away from me. Anyway, it still happened, whether or not I posted about it. Here she is - all cute and lovable - on the one month anniversary of her birth:

She's all curled up, sleeping sweetly, and doing that adorable smile-while-you-sleep thing. Things I will remember about this first month include:

*Adjusting to no sleep for the first time in about 10 years
*Caroline always having to have her hands by her face
*Those beautiful blue eyes that can't totally decide to be blue or hazel or .. . . will they turn brown in the end? Who knows!
*The screaming... haha
*The lovable cuteness even when she's screaming
*The finger sucking... mine, not hers
*Spilling formula everywhere when she eats
*The drama that has been trying to nurse
*How TINY she is
*Her dainty little fingers that are so very girly
*Sucking her pacifier until she is almost asleep, then spitting it out, yelling, and falling asleep
*Her cute little nose
*Her huge feet that we like to call her flippers
*Spitting up everything and causing me to have to bathe her in the middle of the night
*Many doctor's visits
*Chicken legs
*Watching Soren and her....... they are ADORABLE together!

We headed off to the doctor again today for another weigh in. She has officially reached and surpassed her birth weight! Hurrah! She hit 6lbs 10oz today! We need to keep her on the super high calorie preemie formula until her 2 month appointment. Hopefully she will be able to transition back to nursing after that. That's what I'm hoping.

So, that's where we are at on the Caroline front. Now I really, really, really need to get Christmas together.

Well it's almost 10pm. And I'm ready for bed time! Hopefully we won't all freeze tonight - we had a storm on Sunday and another is supposed to come through tonight. Snow! Weeee!

I shall leave you with another picture of our princess:

Recap of Life in Bullet Points

2008-12-09T14:44:00.002-08:00

Because my time is short:

Caroline has gained weight, but still is not up to her birth weight. We are at 5lbs 15oz as of today. We are now on a preemie formula and I am pumping until further notice.
Soren has something called Sever's Disease. Basically, his feet are growing too fast for his ligaments and muscles and tendons and all those funny body parts to keep up. The good news is that once his feet are done growing (they are the first thing to reach full growth apparently), it will go away. The bad news is that it will be rough for him to do a lot of physical activity until he slows down.
Slows down? Ha! Soren has grown 1/2 an inch in the past 3 weeks. So I have one kid who won't stop growing and one who won't start!
Caroline loves her hands and yells a lot when we try to tuck them into a blanket or hide them under little mittens. She must have them out - always!!
I have been having a really hard time with nursing, so I am sort of grateful for the break I'll be getting. However, I really would like to see it work. However, there is concern that, even though I finally have my supply under control, that my milk doesn't have enough calories to get her to where she needs to be. Now my mom and I are joking that I only produce skim milk!
We bought a new van. It's our Christmas/Birthday/Every Holiday for the next forever present. Our family just would not fit in our little car anymore - not when Soren has legs that go on forever and Alan has legs that go on forever and I am not short and car seats are big and bulky. So for the first time in 6 years we have a car payment. Yuck! But it's worth it - we love the van and are so happy for all the room it is giving us and the freedom I now have to go and do what I need to do without worrying how to get there.
Soren gets to be the judge in a mock trial with his EXCEL class (also known as the highly capable program or 'gifted'). He is so excited and has loved the unit they are doing on debating. Maybe he'll be like his mommy and be in Speech and Debate! Woot!
It's time to feed the princess, so I'm off!

Where did November go?

2008-11-30T09:01:00.004-08:00

I'll tell you where.....

We are still working through feeding issues (possible breakthrough - will update if that pans out), but with the supplementing, she is doing really well and just gets cuter everyday.

Life is still revolving around making sure she is eating. It's throwing off my ideas of a quick recovery, but we'll get there, too.

We'll get settled eventually. Who knew one little person could disrupt life so much? In good ways, I mean . . . she is such a joy!

Another Sad One....

2008-11-25T11:40:00.002-08:00

Don't worry - I am not all post-partum depression-ing. I know what depression feels like and I am perfectly happy. However, I am beyond frustrated/sad in regards to Caroline's eating situation. Yesterday I pumped quite a few times while I fed her a bottle. You know what? I don't make enough milk to feed an ant. So that's fun.

I took her to the doctor's today and she is down another 2 ounces. This puts her one ounce shy of being down an entire pound since she was born. This has me very sad. I cried at her appointment. I know it's not my fault, I just feel bad for her and I want to fix it. Plus, ya know, after being infertile for almost 10 years I didn't need any help feeling like I wasn't 'woman enough.' Now I have crappy milk supply.... so first I can't make a baby and then I can't feed a baby? That is really frustrating.

I know there are ways to increase milk supply and I am trying them. However, I also have to deal with the fact that I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and that can effect milk supply because it messes with all your hormones. So it may just be that I am simply unable to nurse. But I'm giving it my best. I'm just sad about it is all.

Really, that's been consuming my world - well, that and staring at my little princess. She is such a doll. See?

Not so happy post.....

2008-11-21T10:26:00.002-08:00

Soren was not a screamer. I remember one time when he was brand new that he screamed so much that I was in tears in the rocking chair. And our first 3 days of trying to nurse were filled with screaming as well. I know it was 10 years ago, but I really don't remember middle of the night screaming that went on for hours...

Last night was very.... long. Caroline screamed and screamed even after I'd fed her twice. I had Alan get her a bottle (supplemental feeding #2 for the day) and I rolled over in frustration and went to sleep. When she woke up for her next feeding I was determined to have a positive, relaxed attitude. So she ate (with me staring at her making sure she was sucking AND swallowing) and fell asleep. Okay, I thought, fantastic. I went to lay her back in her crib and she started screaming and rooting again. What the heck? So I tried to soothe her and get her to go back to sleep. After about 30 minutes of screaming, I tried to feed her again. Same thing - she seems to eat off both sides and then crashes. Long story short, she screamed for almost 3 hours. I was in tears, not knowing what to do and, of course, blaming myself for not giving her enough to eat. This is the second night in a row it has been like this.

I really want to nurse. But if we have many more nights like this, I'm afraid I'm going to throw in the towel. She needs food and I don't know if I'm making enough or what is going on. It's hard to think that I could be starving her (not on purpose, of course - but we moms like to blame ourselves for everything, don't we?).

I'm not afraid to bottle feed. Soren was basically 100% formula fed, bottle baby. And he's turned out just fine, thank you. It's just... I think all women feel the pressure of nursing when they have a baby. And I feel like I gave up with Soren because I was young, busy, and didn't want to deal with it. Bottle was easier. I've said to myself that I would work at this with her since I am a lot more able to this time around. But I'm getting pretty frustrated. And if we are both going to be in tears in the middle of the night, is it really worth it? Right now, I don't know.

This weekend I'm going to see if she can take formula for the day and I will pump. Then I will compare how much I'm getting out to how much she's eating. And maybe that will help my supply a bit as well. I'm in the process of finding an electronic pump via Craigslist. I hope we can work this out.... I'm just tired and frustrated.

But I love her. And she is so worth every tear I might shed over this. And she is even worth every minute of sleep I've lost.

But I Need A Chubby Baby!

2008-11-20T12:28:00.001-08:00

Princess is down 2oz instead of up. So, we are back to supplementing with formula until she picks it up. She's supposed to be back to her birth weight by Tuesday, so hopefully we can pack on the pound.... haha... I was going to put pounds, but she actually needs just under a pound to get back up there. So now I've got to pump twice a day while she bottles it. I am not a fan of pumping, but she's worth it! I am hoping to get a little more out in the future. . . . or just not have to pump haha!

I'm feeling pretty good, considering . . . tired. Trying to get a nap or two during the day, but that's not always possible. I've got to run Soren around to his activities since my mom is out of town until Dec. 2nd and my dad and Alan are at work all day. I'm probably overdoing it everyday, but I'm trying not to... it's just hard. After 3 weeks in the hospital sitting on my butt, I'm just wanting to get out and do things. But when I'm out doing things, I get tired and just want to come home and sleep!

My biggest problem right now is food. I got so spoiled while in the hospital. I could just order what I wanted when I wanted it and someone brought it to me. Now I've got to find something to eat, make it, and then eat it! Haha! So I've got to work out some quick and simple, yet healthy, things I can have for breakfast and lunch. I've got dinners taken care of through this weekend and then I'll need to start thinking about those, too . . .

All in all, though, I am slowly getting back into the routine of life. I am hoping to ease back into work after Thanksgiving, barring any problems at the doctor. I have an appointment for me on Tuesday and for Caroline. We have to make sure the Choleostasis and the PIH have run their course. Then I will have 4 more weeks of taking it easy. I should be cleared for all normal activity by Christmas, or just shortly thereafter. Yay! I am looking forward to taking walks up to the park and registering for water aerobics.

No new pictures today.... too tired. And the camera is upstairs. And it's time to feed her again. Next time!

One Week Old

2008-11-18T10:58:00.005-08:00

I can't believe it's already been a week with our sweet little miracle! And what a week it has been! We are all pretty exhausted, the normal result of bringing a baby into your home. I think it's been extra hard for Alan because he is not used to interrupted sleep. I'm a little more used to it, especially after that time in the hospital where I was poked and prodded in the middle of the night. But we are adjusting! Slowly but surely, we'll get there.

Caroline is very teenie, so we're having to take her to the doctor a little more and watch her weight gain as well. She was 6lbs 2oz at birth and has dropped to 5lbs 8oz as of yesterday. That was a gain from the hospital, but she still needs to put on a few more oz (at least 10) in the next week. We are working on getting her to eat more often, especially as that will help with her jaundice. While she weighs next to nothing (I swear my purse weighs more than she does), she is LONG. This creates a small problem with preemie clothes. Her feet are too big for the footsies and her body is too long for the outfit. But if I put her in something bigger, she drowns in it! She is such a cutie, though.

I've uploaded all the pics we have so far of her (I think). You can check them out here. That will also be where I'll be uploading other pics as they come in. Captions will come in time . . .

Here's a sneak peek of her and her itty bitty cuteness:

Soren also had a doctor's appointment yesterday. He's been having trouble with his feet, so we are in the process of working out what could be the problem. Luckily, he has a distraction:

Ok, I need to go grab a snack and feed the princess before we take an afternoon nap. I'll do my best to keep things updated, but we are all going through an adjustment having a screaming, cooing, sleeping, peeing, adorably cute princess running things around here.

Presenting Our Sweet Caroline

2008-11-11T19:26:00.006-08:00

Today at 7:47am we finally welcomed our little miracle, Caroline Eirene Tullis, into the world weighing 6lbs 2oz and measuring 20 inches! Here she is:

Yeah, that's what I felt like, too, sweetheart!

The following is her birth story - you may skip it if you want, but it's here for posterity! Hee hee!

It all started on Sunday night. Because I was delivering 3 weeks early due to our many little complications, my body was - of course - not prepared at all. The doctors decided to start me on a drug to get things going. It would take about 12 hours to do it's job and, if it didn't do what it was supposed to, they'd give me another dose. So, around 7:30pm, it started. Within a few hours I was feeling contractions. It was fun. The nurse gave me an Ambien so I could sleep and - surprisingly - I did. Until about 4am when the contractions were getting pretty uncomfortable. Ugh! At 7:30am, the medication was removed and I hadn't made a huge amount of progress. However, my contractions were pretty regular so there was a debate about whether to start the lovely Pitocin or do another dose of the other drug. We found that moving onto my side caused the contractions to stop, so it was another round of the other drug. Once that was given, the contractions started up again. However, each time they checked, I hadn't made much progress, so we waited. And, after two doses of pain meds, I gave up and got an epidural.

Here's a pic Alan took of me hooked up to a lot of my drugs:

At this point I think I was on 2 monitors, a blood pressure cuff, a saline drip, the epidural, the pitocin, and had a catheter. I was getting ready to go on magnesium as well because of the blood pressure issues, so I had all kinds of nonsense hooked up. I was trying to hold off on getting the epidural because I didn't want it to wear off . . . *insert forshadowing here* . . . but the contractions were getting really strong and, if you've ever been induced, you know they come faster and stronger than if you get to do things the normal way.

Anyway.

After the epidural, we waited until 11:30pm to remove the second dose of the original meds. Then I was put on the pitocin. Then things started to get uncomfortable and I had to ask for more of the epidural meds. I slept off and on during the night but was interupted frequently by the nurse to check my vitals, check my progress, adjust my meds, and make sure I was doing ok on the magnesium. Magnesium can really mess with you, give you flu like symptoms, and just generally make one miserable.... I said a prayer before they added that to my IV drip asking to avoid feeling like crap and managed to get by with only hot flashes (and they are finally taking me off of it in less than an hour! Hoorah!).

Now, before I proceed I should mention that our nurses work 12 hours shifts from 7am - 7pm or 7pm to 7am. I've had a great bunch of nurses and was starting to get some of the same nurses I'd had earlier in the week until Sunday night. I had a new nurse who got me through the night (she really was great - so kind and sweet and gentle) and we were getting ready for the shift change . . . .

However, just before 7am... my water broke. I called my nurse in and she said that yes, it sure looked like that was what happened! Hoorah! She checked me and I'd progressed. Joy! She then said - are you feeling any pressure? I thought for a sec and assessed my situation... no, I was feeling fine. So she said goodbye and told me a new nurse would be in to check on me soon. And she was off. And I swear to you the second she walked out the door that pressure she was talking about? BOOM. And all of a sudden, I was feeling OUCHIES like WOAH. I called the nurse station and was like - EPIDURAL FAIL! FAIL FAIL HELP ME OUCH! Haha, although I was quite nice about it. You know, between my pathetic moaning.

The new nurse came back in and I was like - uh, yeah, um - ouch? And then the worst thing ever happened. My IV with the epidural drugs started beeping. Yeah, it was empty. EMPTY!!!!! And the contractions I was having? Holy FREAK. I couldn't talk, breathe, move, nada. I felt like someone was tearing my insides out. It pretty much sucked. So they called the anasthesiologist type people. This nice lady came in and tried to talk to me. I was like - yeah, hi, no time to chat, DRUGS NOW, KAE???

She hooked me up. You know, except where she said (just shortly after 7am) that the drugs should start working around the top of the hour. I knew at that second that our princess wasn't waiting for the top of the hour. And thus I would be delivering without the epidural. Luckily I managed not to hyperventalate or mention this to anyone.

Oh, did I mention how many doctors I've seen since my doc has been out of town? Yeah, the doc on call today I had not met. She came in around the same time as the anasthesiologist, checked me, and was like - oh wow, baby.

I was like OH HOLY FREAK OUCH DANG BABY COMING NOW.

And then the nurses and doctor left the room between contractions. Then another contraction came and I turned to Alan and said - just like in the movies - get the doctor back in here now. And being the dutiful husband he is... he did as he was told. Doctor came back in and was like ... HOLY COW BABY!

For those of you who understand baby delivering talk.... in the space of 45 minutes I went from a 6 to a 10 and delivered a baby.

I love my little girl... but OUCH.

So, that sums up what happened to me today between 6:45am and 7:47am. But I think something like this makes all of that worth it:

She is such a cutie and we all love her already. Here she is with her mommy and daddy:

(Don't I look stunning???)

And here is he is with her big brother:

Words can not express how beautiful that moment was right there. Seeing my sweet Soren finally holding his baby sister - finally being a big brother..... ugh. Tears to my eyes. He didn't want to let her go at all - but my mom was there, so he did have to share. But we kept our promise - he was the first non-medical staff type person to hold her after mommy and daddy.

I am now very exhausted. I need to feed our little angel and then try and take a little rest. After they disconnect me from everything, of course. Hoorah! There are more pictures to post and more stories to tell, but that is all from me for now.

Oh, ok... here's one more picture:

Decisions???

2008-11-06T11:57:00.003-08:00

Looks like decisions have actually been made!

I am still in the hospital and will stay here just in case, but as of right now I am behaving and that is making the doctors happy. Our little bean is still looking great each time she goes on the monitor. So, the decision to induce is in full force and, as decided before, they are not letting me go beyond 37 weeks. The doctor scheduled the induction for Monday. Woohoo!

The best news? The nurse just came in a few minutes ago and took out that icky IV junk so I have full use of my hands again! Woohoo! It's one less thing the nurses have to deal with each day (flushing my IV and wrapping it up when I need to shower), so that just makes their job that much easier with me! I feel like a bit of a waste of space here, but I know it's safest for me to be here.

It's nice to have a plan. Of course, nothing ever seems to go as planned in my life - haha - so, we'll see how the plan goes. I am excited, though, that I will get to see my baby boy tomorrow. I haven't seen him since before he went to school on Monday and I miss him and his hugs and kisses and silliness. I can't wait to see him and give him a huge hug and then kick his toosh at Mario Kart. Oh yeah, baby, I am so having Alan bring the Wii on Friday so we can play on Friday night! Woooooot! That means I will have to practice all day so I am ready when the boys show up . . . . hee hee!

So, there it is. This will probably be my last update until our angel is here. Unless, of course, things change. So look forward to pictures! We can't wait to meet her and then proceed to show her off!!!

Oh, and I updated my little baby ticker.... 4 days to go!

Still Kickin'

2008-11-05T16:20:00.003-08:00

Just wanted to update. I'm still here and our little angel is still tucked safely inside. Or as safe as she can be inside my silly body! My protein levels are up again and things seem to be stable with my liver right now - though that could change at any minute, so we've got to just keep an eye on things. And by we I mean them - the doctors and nurses and all of that.

The most frustrating thing I'm dealing with is the different doctors every day. Monday the doctor I saw wasn't sure what to focus on - the PIH or Choleostasis. Yesterday the doctor was all about the Choleostasis. Today the doctor is focused on the PIH. And where is my normal doctor? Vacation. Until the 17th. And I will have delivered the baby by then. Ugh! So I am a little annoyed about that, but trying to be vocal with what I want and stuff.

I did get to do another 24 hour urine test! Woot! That was super fun. I'm pretty sure I won't have to do it again - thank goodness. I get to have my blood drawn twice a day - though yesterday it was FOUR times! So poked and prodded!

Here's the result of the failed IV from last week:

Pretty, huh? And that's my hospital bracelet. It has a barcode on it. They scan it whenever they take blood, take my vitals, give me meds, or monitor me and the baby. I feel like I belong in the grocery store. Hee hee! I'm guessing our little one will get her own barcode, too! What a way to enter the world!

So that is pretty much it. Tomorrow morning the doctor should have more info for me. Maybe we'll start the induction tomorrow night. Maybe not. As always, you shall be kept informed.

I just can't stay away.....

2008-11-03T16:20:00.003-08:00

Well, my time at home was short lived. I'm back in the hospital again. Looks like this time it is for good - well at least until I deliver this little cutie pie (who I got to see again today on ultrasound!). She is doing fine, by the way. Quite the trooper while her mom's body is falling apart around her. We have a semi-official diagnosis of cholestasis of pregnancy with a possibility of PIH. The doctor(s) that I saw today are really not sure what to do with me. One of them wanted to induce today. The other says we can hold off until the liver tests come back super yucky. We are going with the 'holding off' doctor. But the longest we can hold off is until Nov. 10th. She won't let things go further than that because if it is cholestasis, that is when it can start causing problems for the baby. Forget mom and the insane itching..... hahaha! No, really - keeping the princess inside for as long as is safe for both of us is the best course.

There's not really much more to say at this point. They'll come in and monitor me again in a couple hours and then take blood again in the morning. If the liver tests come back the same, I hang out another day at the hospital. If they rise again, they could start induction. We'll see what happens. Once again, I'll update when I know more.

Bed Sweet Bed

2008-11-02T21:12:00.001-08:00

There isn't much to say at this point!

I am home. I'm either in my bed or on a makeshift recliner-ish thingie in the family room. There's a TV to watch, a computer to poke around on, books to read.... but no running around for me. And I just keep thinking - how long can I put up with this? Haha! I admire anyone who has kept their sanity while on bed rest. Since I haven't had my sanity for a long time, I figure I am not at risk of losing it. I am anxious to see what the perinatologist says tomorrow so I'm glad my appointment is early in the morning. Don't worry, I'll keep you posted as well!

Now, the purpose of this post is to share pictures of my baby boy! Yeah, I know he's 10. But he'll always be my baby boy. In fact, it is so strange to think of having another baby sometimes because he's been my one and only miracle for so long! And I sure love him. Anyway, even though this week was crazy, we did manage to carve a pumpkin on Monday (yikes! I don't have pictures of our awesome R2D2 pumpkin!! Must get some!!!) and he was able to go to a church Halloween party as well as the normal trick or treating on Halloween night. What did he go as? Why his favorite TV character! Doctor Who!

How many of you just raised your eyebrows in confusion? Or squished your face up in confusion? I know some of you know who Doctor Who is, but I also know a lot of you don't. So here's a quick link to give you some more info. Soren adores this show and has for a few years. Yes, he's a nerd - but we are a family of nerds and proud of it! Woot! So without furthre adieu, I present to you - my baby as the most recent incarnation of Doctor Who!!!

The only thing we were missing was the red converse shoes, which I looked for like crazy, but then ended up in the hospital . . . so never got around to looking more. Well, and the fact that he didn't want to wear his dress shirt. But I'm not going to go there. So, he looked awesome. And I love the suit. Thank you, Goodwill, for providing an amazing suit for $25. And he's already promised to wear it when his little sister is blessed at church. Woot!

Ok, that's about all I have for the today! I will update once there is more to be told! Wish us all luck at the perinatologist tomorrow!

Home!!!!

2008-10-31T20:11:00.002-07:00

Yes, I made it home! Basically on total bed rest - doctor removed the 'walking around' option, though. Due to the insane amount of itching, I'm popping a benadryl and heading to bed. Well, sleep anyway. I'm already in bed.

Thank you for your thoughts, prayers, well wishes, finger crossing, etc. etc. Tomorrow our new insurance officially kicks in - so our little princess is welcome to join us anytime now. However, we'd all prefer she hold off for just a bit longer!!!

I will either be updating a lot out of sheer boredom or not at all because there is nothing to say! However, I do have pictures of Soren from Halloween that I will post. He looked awesome!

Ok, that's it - I'm going to SLEEP!!!! In my BED!!! Hooray!!!!!

Too good to be true?

2008-10-31T11:38:00.003-07:00

The discharge papers are sitting with the nurse. I have to have one more round of blood work to check my liver function and then I get to go home. If the blood work comes back and says that nothing has changed. If they've spiked . . . ugh. They are not spiking though - even though the itching started again last night - they are not spiking. Because I want to go home!

Once I am released (optimistic thoughts!), I am on bed rest. I am allowed to walk around the house once a day, use the bathroom, eat, and shower. Otherwise I'm in bed or reclining somewhere. The doc said I am not in the full stages of toxemia, but I am so close he is worried. He is also leaving town until the 17th. And he says he wouldn't be surprised if I delivered before he got back. I gave him a grumpy face when he said that. I really want him to deliver the baby, but if that doesn't happen I will just have to live with it. As long as she is healthy and I make it through everything, then it's all good.

On top of all of this there are the complications with my liver, which to my understanding are not related to toxemia (PIH, preeclempsia... whatever we are calling it today). I don't want to even start worrying too much about that unless things look bad. They just came to take my blood and it should only be about an hour before the results are in. And then hopefully they'll be like - woot! Go home! Right? Right.

I have some visitors coming, so I am going to try and take a quick nap before they get here. I'm sure another update will be forthcoming soon! That is, if there is anything to update!

Oh - and Happy Halloween!!!!

Here's the latest!

2008-10-29T20:44:00.001-07:00

So, I'm still in the hospital.

Once again, I am hoping for release soon.

Why am I still here? Hehe . . .

Well - the good news is that I am off the iv (though I've still got all the junk shoved into my veins in case they have to put me back on) and I am no longer being monitored. The nurses are still going to monitor Princess once every 12 hours, though. I had an ultrasound today and everything looked great. We got to see our little angel and she did everything she was supposed to. We were even able to see her hair! How cute! We got a great shot of her profile and watched her yawn and stretch. Awwww - she is so cute! No pictures this time, but it was fun to see her wiggle, squirm, and just know she is ok.

That leaves me. The antibiotics for the bladder infection have kicked in, so that's good news. However, the doctor wants 24 hours of urine. Who wants that? I mean - eww! What a yucky present! Haha! Anyway, once they have that (by mid-morning tomorrow) they will be testing all that lovely pee for proteins. If the protein levels have leveled out, then we will know they were caused by the bladder infection and not the Pregnancy Induced Hypertension. If the protein levels have not resolved, then ... well we don't want to think about that.

As it is, the doctor wants to induce early. He'd like to see me get to 38 weeks. We all agree 40 weeks isn't going to happen.

Overall, things are looking up. I'm feeling good, I have a new bed (woohoo!), and am hoping and praying to be home by this time tomorrow. I miss my TiVo. Haha! But seriously, I want to be home, in my bed, able to be with my family - even if I have to spend most of my time in bed. At least I'll be at home.

I will update again once we know more! Thank you again for your love and support! It's time for me to order another round of food and get ready for bed. Which involves turning off the light and rolling over . . . hee hee

The Latest from Room 302

2008-10-29T09:47:00.002-07:00

What an exciting 24 hours it has been!

After throwing up a grand total of 6 times yesterday (including on the way to the hospital! I've never had to stop and throw up on the side of the freeway.... haha!), I was sent to the triage of the labor/delivery ward at the hospital. They monitored me and the baby - who was doing fine - and I was having pretty regular contractions. I also was pretty dehydrated. They did some blood work and then, much to our surprise, we were told they would be delivering the baby.

Alan and I were pretty stunned.

We were sent to a labor/delivery room and admitted. The whole time we were like... uh, totally not ready for this! I didn't even bring the camera or pack a bag or anything! Ugh! Plus it is nearly 5 weeks early and that's just scary.

Luckily, the doctor came in and minds had been changed. It looks like I have a bladder infection. My blood pressure has been stable - even low. It was decided to hook me up to an IV and get some fluids in my body - they think the contractions were happening because I was dehydrated. Also, they wanted me to try and eat. I ordered up some 'room service' (haha), got hooked up to the IV, and spent the night trying to get comfortable in a horrible bed not designed for sleeping.

Now the doctor has checked in with us, I'm on antibiotics, and we are waiting to find out if we get to go home. Either way I will for sure deliver early. How early is still in question. I am guessing I will be on bed rest if I get to go home. They are still worried about Pregnancy Induced Hypertension (even though I've only had one high reading since we got here) because of some liver tests.

So, while there are things to report, I feel like there isn't much to report at the same time. We are in a holding pattern and hoping we can go home today. Soren is slightly disappointed that he doesn't get his sister yet, but he also says he knows she is where she needs to be. And I have promised him he will be the first to hold her (after the doctor, nurses, mommy, and daddy of course!).

Once there is more info - I will pass it on! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers! They are so appreciated! And now I must sign off before the battery dies on the laptop. Yeah, we are that prepared . . . . hee hee!

Change of Plans

2008-10-28T14:19:00.001-07:00

Heading to the hospital.

Will update when I can.

And the results are in!!!

2008-10-28T10:57:00.002-07:00

I know, I sound all excited, but I'm not! Haha!

I officially have PIH - Pregnancy Induced Hypertension (aka toxemia or preeclampsia). Fun, huh? I know, you want it to, but you can't have it cuz I'm not sharing! The strange thing is, I know all the signs to look for with PIH because they were concerned when I was pregnant with Soren that I'd develop it and I never did. So I'm like - uh, where's the symptoms? Haha! However, I'm not going to argue with the doctor. I like him too much to argue. Of course now I don't even know if he'll deliver me because I'm being sent to a high-risk doctor type person on Monday for a consultation.

As for my liver, 2 of the 4 tests they did came back abnormal. I am waiting to hear what THAT means for me. Luckily the itching has decreased signifigantly, so hopefully that is a good sign. I also managed to get an ok night of sleep last night without Benadryl. Of course my hips are sore because of all the laying about I've had to do the past few days, so that caused some problems. Yeah, it's all just one big complaint after another, isn't it? I *must* be getting close to delivery, right?

Oh - and I threw up this morning.

Rude!!!

So now I feel like I'm back in my first trimester, nibbling on saltines and sipping water. I don't want saltines, though. I want a big ol' hamburger. Oh well!

Anyway, that's the update. I'll see my doctor on Friday and then the Perinatologist on Monday. I'm sure there will be more juicy news to share after that. For now I'm going to try and get comfortable on the couch and play some Mario Kart and maybe watch a movie while trying to fall asleep.

Itching Update

2008-10-24T13:46:00.002-07:00

So, I'm back from the doctor.

Yeah, he's concerned.

1 - I lost weight. This isn't exactly bad, but it's not exactly good. Baby is growing fast now and I should be gaining. He wasn't pleased and reminded me that I need to eat even if nothing looks good. Just shove something down my gullet.

2 - My blood pressure was stupid high. I credit this to worry/stress and total lack of sleep. He is concerned about it turning into toxemia - which is a valid concern. So I have to watch that this week.

3 - The itching is not good news, like I thought. I had 4 vials of blood drawn - and my vein - my super strong vein that has given the medical world so much blood - GAVE OUT after the second vial. RUDE! So we had to switch arms and get the last 2 vials from the other arm. I am having my liver function tested. I do not know when the results will come, but I'm guessing sooner rather than later.

4 - I am on partial bed rest - I need to spend 50% of my waking hours all comfy and cozy in a bed or a cozy chair. Seeing as sitting up fails me (Bean has taken up residency on a nerve if I sit against anything - including pillows), I shall be spending half of my day in bed. FUN! (April - I need you! Haha!)

5 - I have a prescription for a topical thingie to help the itching and have been instructed to take Benadryl every 6 hours to help with the itching as well as help me get some sleep.

See, the itching thing isn't normal pregnancy itching. The thought process here is that my liver is currently leaking bile into my bloodstream which is, in turn, manifesting itself through my skin. Apparently this happens in... oh, about 1% of pregnancies. Haha! I have such luck. Worst case scenario? Bean will come 3 weeks early instead of 1. Best case scenario? My liver function isn't too bad and the meds help the itching stop. I'd be more comfortable either way if they took her at 37 weeks (the usual protocol if you have this problem). I don't want anything to happen to her. That's what makes me the most nervous.

So, I may not be posting here so much for the next little while. I dunno. Apparently I need to go be all buddy buddy with my bed. Bleh.

Going to pop a bendaryl, rub on some of the lotiony stuff and see if I can get a nap in. I am beyond exhausted.