I feel like a broken record.
Forgive me, but Soren never did this to me and I don't know what to do with myself. What do you do when your child will not, no matter what you have tried, sleep?
Caroline just whines and cries all night long at least every other night, and sometimes every night. I am so exhausted - I have not felt quite this bad since she was a newborn.
Fed her? Check
Tylenol/Ibuprofen? Check
Cuddled her? Check
Tried tummy/back/side/etc. position? Check
Tried ignoring her? Check - she's in the same room as us, though, so it's a little hard (and, no, that can't be helped).
Rubbed her gums with something cold? Check
Ear infection? No idea, but she is generally fine all day long and will even nap once or twice with no problems. So who knows.
Is she sick? No runny nose, no cough, no poopie problems... slight fever once or twice, but it's so minor I don't even stress about it.
Sang to her? All the freaking time, but I think when it's an angry voice, it doesn't really help.
Put her down and walked away for a while? Yeah, but that just makes it worse all around.
Let someone else take her? Yeah, but it's fairly pointless. I still can't sleep and she's still crying.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just being a big whiny baby. Maybe I am and I should just get over it, but between a baby that won't let me sleep and health problems that have me run down anyway, I'm really starting to lose it. I'm not sure how much more I can take emotionally/physically/etc. It didn't really start getting to me until the last 2 times (Friday night and last night) that she did this. I started joining in on the crying and just am at a loss of what I can do to help her because her body needs sleep even more than mine does.
And if I have one more person ask me some form of the question, "You forget how they cry all night, don't you?" I may snap. I didn't forget - I never had a baby do this. Soren was nothing like her in that regard. Not only that, but I am not stupid. I know some babies cry a lot. But if:
A - you've never had a baby that literally can scream for hours on end all day and all night - I don't want to hear it.
B - you aren't in the thick of it experiencing it (again or for the first time), at least TRY to remember how you felt during it and rethink what you are about to say to me
C - you have some actual good ADVICE and not condescending comments that make me feel even more useless and stupid, then you can actually talk to me.
I know it's been 10 years between my kids - NOT my choice - but seriously, I'm not a freakin' idiot. Also, yeah, I'm a lot testy, moody, and generally grumpy when I do not get sleep for days and nights on end. I try, very hard, to put on a freakin' happy face, but it's hard, ok? So if I am short tempered, oh well. I'm doing the best I can.
This angry, annoyed, frustrated rant is brought to you by sleep deprivation.
(I am looking forward to the day I can look back on this period of life with Caroline and laugh. Really, really, really looking forward to it.)
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6 comments:
:-( Shanae, please believe me when I say that I have felt sleep deprivation with only an hour consecutive sleep in 36 hours trying to nurse two babies that wouldn't sleep or get a full feeding and I snapped. I was a wreck, screaming at my mom, swearing, and literally insane(i was at her house at the time). I regret not telling anyone or getting the help and advice I needed, so I think your 'rant' is completely justified and important to vent about it and really healthy too.
I don't know, however, what it's like to have a "colicky baby" (the definitions are confusing, so I don't know how to tell) or to have a baby scream/cry for the entire night.
I want to be supportive, though, and I'm a bossy person by nature, so there ya go :-)
That said, I'm only going to list these suggestions because they weren't on your list. I'm sure you've tried them, but these particular things worked for my crazy clark who refused to sleep and would stay up most of the night. No two babies are the same, though, but from what I remember of little Caroline, she fights sleep so maybe these things will help?
-Loud, white noise
-DARK room (I would even try the bathroom, if you can, so she won't be distracted by anything else in the room (TV, talking, etc). Maybe a pack n' play in the bathroom so it can be dark and turn the fan on or another noise maker?
-Get her to bed and down for naps sooner than you think (Weissbluth, bless his soul, really helped us. So did "The Baby Whisperer solves all your problems" but she had us patting Clark's back for HOURS trying to keep him asleep. He was always SO overstimulated....
-Try to cut down on her stimulation. No TV, no crazy toys (or people for that matter) and 20-30 minutes before naps/bed, take her to a quiet, dim place to sing songs and calm down. Yes, she might turn out like my boys who now need darkness to sleep and loud white noise or they wake up all the time to outside sounds. BUT, they sleep, so I don't care :-) We'll break them of those habits/issues later.
This might mean that she wakes up at 7am. Eats, plays (or goes for a morning walk) and gets ready for a nap again starting at 8am-8:30 and she is for sure down by 9am if not earlier. It also might be best to have her nap at home for a week or so, not in a car seat in the car, to help her get used to the set routine and her sleep place.
I think Caroline is 7 months old? At 7 months we were taking 3 naps a day still and were only awake for an hour and a half at a time. She has slept through the night so maybe it's just a stimulation thing, or missing her sleep window, I don't know.
I really don't know. The thing, though, that really helped us was when Clark was 6 months old and I was ready to lose it (again), Tom gave him a father's blessing. He told Clark the angels would help watch over him, help him sleep, and help him learn how to soothe himself so his mommy could stop patting his back all night! lo and behold, that night he started sucking his thumb.
One last thing...If she does need to stay in your room and can't go in a closet, or a bathroom, then you can't be in there until she's asleep. You will probably need to put her down (depending on your schedule, but earlier is always better :-) and then go in later without turning on any lights. I know, your room is your house, office, living space, etc, but your princess has sleep issues and she needs her own sleep space too. So, you may need to spend your evening elsewhere until you go to bed.
Yeah, I think that's all...for now :-) you know me, yapping yapping. Please try and nap when she naps during the day. Maybe even go right to sleep after she does at night, since you never know if she'll walk up at 1am and cry for 6 hours....at least you would have had a good four hours of sleep before all that....
Okay, yeah, done now.
(((Hugs))) and prayers!!!
Shanae, I'm so sorry that she won't let you sleep. I can only imagine how awful you must feel. I know that when I don't get any sleep because of something that is out of my own control that I am a complete wreck.
I wish I had some miracle cure, but I honestly don't. I wish I had great words of wisdom that would make you feel better about it all, but I have NO idea what I'm doing with my OWN kids so I obviously have no good advice to offer anyone else!!
I read April's comment about white noise and remembered that my sister used to let the vaccuum run in her daughter's room at night when she slept. I thought it was crazy at the time, but everyone gets to the point where they are willing to try anything. I imagine you would happily hang her from her toes if it helped her sleep, I know I would!
love,
Alison
Ugh. Sleep. Yeah...
I agree with the Weissbluth comment. His book has helped us through three babies with three different sleep styles.
White Noise. Each of our kids sleep with a fan. Yes, we're a slave to them. Do we care? NO! We all sleep and that is what is important.
Also (and you've probably tried this with her being as old as she is) swaddling. TIGHT. Flailing arms used to keep RJ awake all night long.
Putting them down for sleep earlier than you think they need it - Knightley can't handle more than one hour of wake time. That's one hour from when she wakes up until she's getting swaddled back in her bed. Before they rub their eyes. Before they yawn. Before they get fussy. Yes, it almost does require magic to find at first.
Do I guarantee this? NOPE. These are just the first things we have tried with all of our kids until we find out what they need. I'm sure you must be nuts without sleep. Heck, I'm slightly edgy and I'm sleep deprived too. And I only have two months of this so far.
RJ was a dream sleeper - once we found Dr. Weissbluth's book. Until then I was crazy. Absolutely at my wits end. Dave wasn't sure who I was and neither was I. After implementing various strategies from different books (Happiest Baby on the Block, Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child, The Baby Whisperer, Babywise, and a whole slew of others) we figured out what worked for him and haven't budged.
Ari was different. She was a napper and a snacker. Not a sleeper and an eater. And it drove me bonkers. Then I pulled out my favorite books, remembered what we had done with RJ (yes, we forgot), and tried again. She now sleeps and naps but it was work.
Dave and I are unashamed to admit we are sleep Nazis. We don't mess with our kids sleep. It is more precious to us than just about anything - 'cause their sleep keeps them happy which keeps us ALL happy.
Good luck. Oh my goodness, good luck. Sleep deprivation and a wailing baby at 3 AM are a bad combination. No one knows how hard it is to be calm at that hour unless they have been there.
You can do this. I promise. You really can. With help. Please don't try to do this by yourself. I've been known to ask a friend/neighbor to take my kids during the day for an hour so I could take a nap so I could be a better mom.
Lots of prayers and love. And I'm a phone call away. Know that I'm up at night too. At 1. At 3:20. At 5:30...
Oh my poor baby! (and I mean you, Nae)
I dont really have any fresh ideas except to second the ideas of finding a way to not be in the room when she's falling asleep and to always have all sleeping happen in the same place with the same patterns associated with it. I'm all about the patterns.
But really, I'm just so sorry. I guess Caroline is really making you put that "I'll do anything to have another baby" thing to the test! Sleep deprivation is not funny, man. It's serious. I'm so sorry.
Although her sleep is important, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that your sleep is more important. As the primary caretaker, she's depending on you (i.e., oxygen mask on yourself first). Do what you can to take care of you. Whether that means investing in construction quality ear plugs for the whole family and clocks (cover those neon numbers) with ocean sounds (we have an inexpensive one from Target for us) do what you can. Your health is key here. ps I hope this falls under C. If not just throw your hands up in the air, sigh and find somewhere to take a nap. *Hugs*
Oh, I am just SO SORRY!!! I know how bonkers you can feel with no sleep. Josh was exactly the same...except that he didn't nap during the day. So along with the no sleep every night (FOR TWO YEARS) he NEVER NAPPED--NOT ONCE!!! And everyone wondered why I was so cranky!
How did I fix it? I don't know. Did I ever fix it? I don't know. I think I just compounded my problem.
Lately, Peter has taken to screaming ALL DAY. He sleeps ok at night, but WILL NOT NAP. Instead, he just cries and screams all day long. It wouldn't be so bad, except that with it being summer, I have 3 OTHER kids who want mom to do fun things with them, too, and not just listen to Peter scream his guts out all day. AND Andrew has decided that his new time to get up is 3am. So, between 3 am and 6am (when everyone else gets up) I get to hang out with a temper tantrum toddler, until my temper tantrum 6 month old gets up and screams for the rest of my day.
I seriously dread waking up. Oh well. I suppose I can count my blessings that I can sleep from about 10:30 until around 2am when I start to get into a panic wondering when I'll hear Andrew start his screaming, and hoping I can get to him before he wakes up the rest of the brood.
But, back to my original idea here; I agree with what another person said in your comments--YOU really need the sleep more than she does. Honestly. You can deal with it all better if you're rested. THEN you can handle the screaming jags...mostly. How do you do that? Um, I don't know. I still haven't figured it out. Why I ended up with 4 kids, I'll never know, because I don't get much sleep. Thanks for ranting, though. It does you good, lets you know that others are out there supporting you and loving you, and, well, it helps other people know they're not the only ones pulling out their hair and doing a double-time rain dance on it while gnashing their teeth, foaming at the mouth and rolling their terrible eyes and being named Kind of the Wild Things.
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