Wednesday, April 23, 2008


So my sweet, loving, darling, wonderful husband brought home a special present for me last week! Sweet, right?


His gift was evil germs.

A year or so ago I was the queen of illness. I was always coming down with something. I think part of it was that I had started teaching 4 days a week. Kids have germs and love to share. But I also know that I wasn't taking super good care of the body God gave me. So in September, I totally changed the way I was eating. I continued my beloved Water Aerobics. I started going on walks with hubby. And life as I had known it before changed dramatically. I had one small bout with a minor cold in January, but aside from that I have seriously not been sick since August 2007. For me, this was an impressive feat. Especially once the school year was in full swing and I was exposed to lovely children and their bacteria 3 times a week.

Until this past week.

Wednesday and Thursday of last week I had a scratchy throat. By Friday I felt as though I'd been hit by a truck. Since Friday, I have filled no less than 3 garbage cans in my house with used tissues and I am STILL congested! Can you believe that? Insane.

And of course, in my 'delicate condition' (HAHAHA), I can't take anything to get rid of the yuck.

I have my first 'prenatal appointment' today. I will be begging my doctor to have mercy on me and give me something (or tell me if there is anything aside from Benadryl) that will make this yucky go away. Maybe he would drill a few holes in my head so my sinus' can drain? No? Well it was a thought.

Did I mention how sleep has evaded me recently unless it is post-Benadryl? Benadryl (even children's benadryl) knocks me out cold. Once Alan gave me a dose of children's benadryl before church. It started working and I said, "I'm feeling better! I'm just going to go sit down for a few minutes." And then I fell asleep so hard he was not able to wake me up to go to church. So there I sat in our big comfy chair in my church clothes fast asleep until the boys got home from church. But if I'm not drugged up (Benadryl or Tylenol PM), I can't sleep to save my life. Probably one of the reasons that I got sick - lack of sleep. So I'm also going to ask for Ambien, a drug I know they give the pregnant ladies stuck in the hospital (April - where's my supply? Have you been stocking up for me?). At least to get me through until the end of the school year. After I'm done working a majority of my jobs, I won't care as much about lack of sleep.

(4 more weeks until one job is done! Yay! 10 weeks until another is done! Am I excited about this? Holy cow, yes.)

Oh, before I forget (again), I must relate a funny story about my sweet angel, Soren.

The weekend before St. Patrick's Day I was getting together everything I needed for my Mint Chocolate Cheesecake (pictured in this post). On the counter were things like... chocolate chips, mint extract, vanilla extract, etc. Soren, in all of his 9 year old wisdom, decided that it would be a good idea to test the vanilla extract. So, while we had company, he went into the kitchen and took a swig. He came into the front room holding his stomach. "What's wrong?" I asked innocently, having no idea what he'd been doing in the kitchen. "My stomach doesn't feel good," he replied, coming close to me for a hug. I smelled his breath and thought - hmm, what has he been eating? That smell is so familiar.....

He went into the bathroom briefly.

When he came out I asked if he'd thrown up. He said no and came back over to get another hug and some more sympathy. It was at that point that it finally clicked - his breath smelled exactly like vanilla extract.

"Did you DRINK the vanilla extract???" I asked him in disbelief.

"Yeah. It didn't taste good at all!"

"Well, DUH! It's mostly alcohol, you goofball!"

And now we joke about our son getting drunk off our collection of extracts.

I think, however, he's been scared off of alcohol for a few years.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

I should be.....

I should be getting ready for work.

I should be thinking about how to choreograph a song that my kids need to learn the dance to sooner rather than later.

I should be getting something to eat before The Bean really starts complaining.

But instead I watched an episode of "The Baby Lab" on Discovery Health. Being an emotional freak under normal circumstances, I was on the verge of tears so many times in the 30 minutes I spent watching the show that I had to watch an episode of "Clean Sweep" to cheer me up afterwards. In case you couldn't tell by the title, it's a show following people who have infertility as they go through procedures (all were IVF today) to try and become parents. Wow. I missed the first 30 minutes where you hear the backstories of the couples, but I didn't need to hear them to understand how they were feeling. It was heart-wrenching to see 2 of the couples receive the news that the procedure did not work. I was crying with them. Of course now I want to put myself through that emotional rollercoaster daily because I'm an idiot. Actually, what I really want to do is reach through the TV screen and hug each and every one of them. Because that's all I wanted. A hug from someone who understood. And I did not often find a kindred spirit during my treatments (until recently when God gave me 2 sweet angels who understand and many more who didn't but still were there for me). Poor Alan had to put up with me sobbing in my pillow knowing he felt just as sad but feeling he had to be the strong one and make it all better.


Emotional afternoon.

I also found out that 2 of my 'cycle buddies' (people who were on the same schedule as me, had the same procedure about the same time as me, etc) lost their pregnancies. Only 4 of us were successful, and now only 2 of us are still holding on. It makes me realize even more how lucky I am at this point. I am still a nervous wreck. Every time I do one of the dance moves with/for the kids in my musical theatre class, I worry. I was so nonchalant about it all when I was pregnant with Soren, but now.... I'm turning into a paranoid freak.

And now I must go to work and teach those moves to 2 kids who missed class the day I taught it the first time.

Anyway, I'll try to lay off the topic of pregnancy. I know it can get old to read about the same thing over and over again. And we do have other things going on. So next entry I shall discuss the glorious weather and how we haven't really been able to enjoy it because sweet Alan brought home DISEASE and ILLNESS. For rude!


Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Relief & Even a Smile

Well, today was the big day. The day that would either end with me hitting Alan a lot more than usual or me prancing around doing an "I told you so" dance. The day that we would find how many beans were hanging out inside of me.

Here it is, ladies and gentlemen.....

Yeah, in case you can't tell - that's just one little bean. You can't see it, but I promise there was a little flicker in the middle that was a teeny little heart pounding away.

I shall be dancing a lot tonight. A special dance I have choreographed for this precise moment. Well, really, any "in your face, suckah!!!" moment. Hee hee! Alan has seen it a few times. He's seen it already. I'll do it again a few more times just for effect.

Honestly, I'm relieved. I was concerned enough about how much baby stuff we would have to purchase (read: everything), let alone having to buy the stuff for more than one. I don't have that kind of money. I don't have... any kind of money, really. Haha! So seeing that one little bean was a great relief. I smiled. I grinned. Oddly enough, I did not cry. I always thought I would. Oh well.

My biggest fear (aside from triplets) was seeing a sac but no baby. Or a baby but no heartbeat. Or nothing at all. Honestly. I was so nervous this morning I could barely eat (which just made the nausea worse ... oops!). Now I am ok, though. Really ok.

You know, aside from the fact that my 'fat jeans' are now a little snug. I suppose I need to go get that bella band thingie I keep hearing about sooner rather than later. It's crazy how many things have come out in the past 10 years that didn't exist back when Soren was born.

Ok, enough about me. Wait a minute, this is my blog. I suppose I could keep babbling about me all I want! Except that I can't. I've got to get to work. Ewwww. Yeah, I know. Even more stressful is the fact that I'm putting in my notice today. It's almost 3 months early, but I'm pretty sure they've already worked out that I'm pregnant.

Did you see that? I said it.


Friday, April 11, 2008

Tag - I'm it?

I was tagged with a book tag by Nancy!

Here are the rules:
1. Grab the nearest book (at least 123 pages)
2. Turn to page 123.
3. Find the 5th sentence.
4. Post said sentence on your blog.
5. Tag five people.

Well, this is awkward because pg. 123 is a title page for a section of the book. Oh well. Here is the best I can do:

an aryan shopkeeper - a snorer - two tricksters -

The book is called The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. It's been a tough one for me to try and finish because I have become extremely superstitious. I started reading it when we began our most recent infertility treatment and I'm afraid to finish it before .... well at least before the ultrasound. Paranoid much? Nah.

I appreciate all the well wishes! I have been so exhausted and nauseous this past week that I haven't been up to sitting at the computer and typing much of a response to anything. Not that I'm complaining! I'll take it if this is what it's going to take. But I just haven't felt well enough to really sit here and thank everyone.

However, I will take the time to do that now.


For those who are curious, Soren is back and forth between being really excited and being a little concerned about how many diapers he may have to change. He says goodnight to the 'babies' (his words, not mine) every night. However, he wants me to have a cute round tummy yesterday (as if I'll ever have one of those cute round tummies) and he is having issues with us talking about it as frequently as we do. It's 'old news' now. I hope he manages the transition to being a big brother after 10+ years as our one and only. I think he will, but we are a little concerned.

Names? Well, I need to find my family history sheets. We found Alan's, but I don't know where mine are. Soren's name is all family - his first name after Alan's great-grandfather & great-great grandfather and his middle name after my grandfather and father. If possible, we'd like to continue the trend. But we need both halves of the puzzle in order to do that. So naming hasn't been a huge concern at this point. Not that we haven't thought about it. But we aren't obsessing. Yet. No, there will be no Harry Potter or Star Wars references in the names. Unless someone in my family history is named Luke, Leia, Hermione.... etc. Then I might see what I can do. Bwahahahaha. After all, I did manage to get Soren here on Harry's birthday.....

(Side note: I had no idea who Harry Potter was when Soren was born. The UK knew as it had been published the prior year, but I didn't and neither, really, did the US as a whole as it wasn't published here until a few months after Soren's birth. However, it is fun to say to people who know about my Harry Potter fandom that I had my kid on Harry's birthday on purpose just to see their reactions. Awesome!)

We are anxiously awaiting the ultrasound on Tuesday. I am still very anxious and worried that it's all a big ruse. Or that something is wrong - that it's not viable. Or that there will be too many and they'll start talking about selective reduction. Or that .... well, you get the point. I guess because it's been so long all I can think of is everything that could go wrong. I am trying to not be too paranoid, but it's hard. I think I'll feel a little better in a few weeks - mentally anyway. I hope.

For now, I am going to try and enjoy the beautiful weather outside. I think Spring may have finally sprung. Yesterday I walked to work because it was so nice out I did not want to bother with the car. We only have a few weeks where that is possible before the insane humidity kicks in and the last thing you want to do is be outside unless you are in a pool of water. For me, anyway. So I'm trying to take advantage of it.

Alrighty, I think it's time for me to bid adieu and get some breakfast (I already had my snack of saltines as I got out of bed haha) and get Soren out the door. We'll see if I can muster up the ability to go to my water aerobics class today.

Monday, April 7, 2008

8.5 Years to a Miracle

It only took:

*8.5 Years
*At least 4 different doctors (I stopped counting)
*dozens of tests
*hundreds of dr. appointments
*One amazing specialist
*7 failed cycles of clomid
*Herbal remedies
*Medication/Diet remedies
*Very expensive injectables (thank you, insurance, for NOT covering any of that...)
*A little procedure
*the prayers and faith of dozens of friends/family

But finally.... we finally have something growing in that thar uterus.

We gave it one last, good ol' fashion college try. We found an amazing specialist who saw how long we'd been trying and said - Let's be aggressive. And now, after years upon years of failed ... everything ... we can finally say...

Ok, scratch that. Because I still can't say it.

I'm still in shock. I still can not believe it. Honestly. I think I've managed to get those words out of my mouth maybe 3 times. Maybe. You all know what I mean, though - right?


Cuz I still can't say it.

Yes, it is VERY early. But after 8.5 years... come on. I can't contain it anymore. It's been hard enough to keep my mouth shut for 2 weeks, don't make me do it for any longer please? Plus I know that if something happens I will have all of you who are reading to support us. But seriously, how am I supposed to contain all this nervous excitement? I just can't do it anymore.

Estimated Arrival Date: Dec. 1, 2008

That is if there is only one.

We'll know more in about a week. A week from tomorrow we'll get to see how many are in there and hopefully see a little heartbeat (or two... or three). Alan is hoping for 3. I've been hitting him a lot more lately.

Being that it is so early, I have had very little in the way of symptoms. However, the past 2 days I have had the desire to retch, though it has not actually happened. I am hoping to avoid it for a while longer, as I still have teaching to do until the end of June. However, I am trying to enjoy every second, even the crappy ones, because I don't know if this will ever happen again. So I may as well cherish it.

Something I am experiencing a lot of? Trips to the bathroom. Haha!

So there it is. We are hoping and praying that everything goes well. We are cautiously optimistic. We are scared, nervous, excited, and still in a bit of shock.

Thank you again for all of your love and support. You all rock.