Tuesday, March 22, 2011


Let me preface all of this with saying that I love my family, I'm grateful for them, and I know I have many blessings. But sometimes it just feels good to vent.

1 - Potty training is horrible and is ruining nap time which just creates a cycle of drama that culminates in me feeling like a failure by the end of the day.
2 - Newborns who wake up to eat then go back to sleep without much of a problem in a crib are great. Until they decide that they don't want to be put down to sleep anymore but would much rather be held. And then if you put them down they wake up really angry because they are tired and you put them down and now they are awake.
3 - Toddlers who finally figure out there is someone smaller in the house have a tendency to suddenly need mom more, want to be "up" all the time, and decide that, if that doesn't work, they'll just start hitting everyone. It's awesome.
4 - Nearly 3 months into sleep deprivation, mama's temper starts to come out more and more.
5 - Toddlers who know how to push mama's buttons tend to do so just to see the angry monster come out. As a parent, it sucks when it works and you find yourself irrationally angry at a two year old.
6 - Feelings of inadequacy suck, too. Don't even get me started on the feelings of inadequacy. I can't count how many times I have felt sorry for Alan and Soren when they've walked through the door after work/school.
7 - Being a mom is hard work. Really hard.
8 - Crying is therapeutic, but I still hate it.

I know this is just a moment in time, that it will pass. I know that in a few short years I will be longing for the time when my kids were small. But right now each day seems very long. And on days like today, I wonder how my kids will remember me. Right now I just feel like an angry, grumpy, emotional tyrant.



Nancy Sabina said...

Ditto. Ditto to every single little bit of that post. I'm so sorry. Some days it's really hard to see why I wanted to be a mother so badly. The only bit of advice I have is in regards to the baby who wants to be help all the time - that's when Sammy and I found the swing and it saved our lives. He would sleep in the swing in that phase. One night I put him to sleep in the swing and he slept there for 6 hours. From then on he slept in the swing for naps at the least. I know not every baby's the same, but if you haven't tried a swing yet, try it. If you don't have one, I'm sure you've got a friend who does and can loan you one for a bit.

And, I love you.

Tiffini said...

I sometimes wonder just what grief we gave mom growing up. Poor woman had 5 kids in 8 years.

Author said...

Amen, Amen, and Amen.
That is all.

Tom Perkins said...

Hang in there. Better times are just ahead. You can do it. Wish I could help.

April said...

Oh boy, Shanae, I'm really grateful that you're so honest about how hard and trying motherhood is with young ones at home. It truly is a trial, and I lose it almost everyday. I think we all expect to be perfect, or we assume all of the other mothers are perfect.

In reality, I think we are all crying and screaming at our kids and getting upset, and coming up with irrational things like, "Fine, then you don't get to eat all day!!" or, my personal favorite that i said last week, "If you don't stop right now you will never grow up!" Ha!
Potty training + nap time + toddler beds = sooooooooo stressful and hard. Don't be too hard on yourself, that's like 3 massively awful things all put together into one, and it's madness. I'm dreading it, and I will become more of a monster than I already am when we go to toddler beds. You will look like Mary Poppins compared to me, trust me.

You rock :-)