Not a broken record, a broken drum!

Instead of sounding like a broken record, I am reporting a broken drum.

Apparently, my sweet baby girl's screaming is related to a broken drum. Eardrum, that is. I took her to the doctor on Tuesday because I knew something was not right. A night or two here and there with sleeping issues is one thing. The entire month of July? Not normal. Teething I can understand, but this just was more than teething. I had that mommy feeling. She wouldn't let anyone but me hold her. She was whining most of the day and screaming all night.

What did the doctor say? She was fine. A little fluid in her lungs maybe, but everything else looked fine. Just fine.

Mmhmm.

Thursday morning my sister (who had been in town visiting) noticed some yuck in her ear. So she started to clean it out a bit with her finger and gobs of yuck came out. In her experience (she has 4 kids), yuck coming out of a baby's ear is not a good thing. So I called a pediatric clinic that a lot of my friends use and took her in that afternoon for a second opinion. It didn't take long for the pediatrician to inform me that her ear drum had burst. Not only that, but the antibiotics that my previous doctor had prescribed ("just in case") was not even an effective dose according to the american pediatric association. So, obviously, Caroline now has a new doctor. Last night we managed 8.5 hours of sleep. HOORAH! I still feel extremely sleep deprived, but I know it could be much worse so I'm just gonna power through.

There is much more to report and discuss, but I've got to get over the hump of sleepiness and back into the world of the semi-living. So for now, that is all I've got.

Thanks for the supportive words, advice, and virtual hugs after my last post! I was in a bad place when I typed it up and was just needing some major venting. Thanks for understanding! Still not sure exactly what combo she needs in order to get her sleeping back on track, but we're trying a few different things.

All Night Long

I feel like a broken record.

Forgive me, but Soren never did this to me and I don't know what to do with myself. What do you do when your child will not, no matter what you have tried, sleep?

Caroline just whines and cries all night long at least every other night, and sometimes every night. I am so exhausted - I have not felt quite this bad since she was a newborn.

Fed her? Check
Tylenol/Ibuprofen? Check
Cuddled her? Check
Tried tummy/back/side/etc. position? Check
Tried ignoring her? Check - she's in the same room as us, though, so it's a little hard (and, no, that can't be helped).
Rubbed her gums with something cold? Check
Ear infection? No idea, but she is generally fine all day long and will even nap once or twice with no problems. So who knows.
Is she sick? No runny nose, no cough, no poopie problems... slight fever once or twice, but it's so minor I don't even stress about it.
Sang to her? All the freaking time, but I think when it's an angry voice, it doesn't really help.
Put her down and walked away for a while? Yeah, but that just makes it worse all around.
Let someone else take her? Yeah, but it's fairly pointless. I still can't sleep and she's still crying.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just being a big whiny baby. Maybe I am and I should just get over it, but between a baby that won't let me sleep and health problems that have me run down anyway, I'm really starting to lose it. I'm not sure how much more I can take emotionally/physically/etc. It didn't really start getting to me until the last 2 times (Friday night and last night) that she did this. I started joining in on the crying and just am at a loss of what I can do to help her because her body needs sleep even more than mine does.

And if I have one more person ask me some form of the question, "You forget how they cry all night, don't you?" I may snap. I didn't forget - I never had a baby do this. Soren was nothing like her in that regard. Not only that, but I am not stupid. I know some babies cry a lot. But if:

A - you've never had a baby that literally can scream for hours on end all day and all night - I don't want to hear it.
B - you aren't in the thick of it experiencing it (again or for the first time), at least TRY to remember how you felt during it and rethink what you are about to say to me
C - you have some actual good ADVICE and not condescending comments that make me feel even more useless and stupid, then you can actually talk to me.

I know it's been 10 years between my kids - NOT my choice - but seriously, I'm not a freakin' idiot. Also, yeah, I'm a lot testy, moody, and generally grumpy when I do not get sleep for days and nights on end. I try, very hard, to put on a freakin' happy face, but it's hard, ok? So if I am short tempered, oh well. I'm doing the best I can.

This angry, annoyed, frustrated rant is brought to you by sleep deprivation.

(I am looking forward to the day I can look back on this period of life with Caroline and laugh. Really, really, really looking forward to it.)

Charlie Bit Me!!!

If you have not seen the YouTube video called "Charlie Bit Me," go look it up now cuz it makes me giggle. However, it's not as hysterical as Soren will tell you it is. Still, funny.

Anyway, I just wanted to put a note in here that yesterday we discovered 3 things:

1 - Caroline will fight dragons, curses, and mommy's fingers in order to get asparagus in her mouth.
2 - She has 2 teeth (bottom front) and isn't afraid to use them.
3 - Baby teeth are surprising when you don't know they are there.

Off to the grocery store to (hopefully) avoid the 4th of July weekend crazy crowds of doom. Wish me luck!

Speechless

Do you sometimes sit in stunned silence because someone you thought you knew did something you never thought they'd do to you?

It's at times like this that I realize that we are never safe. If we have a friend who is willing to hurt others, they won't be above hurting you. And that is why I think I'd prefer to surround myself with people who do everything in their power not to hurt others, no matter how frustrating, annoying, and ridiculous people are - there is no reason to intentionally hurt another person.

So another page is turned, another chapter is closing. The writing was on the wall a long time ago, but I didn't want to see it. And now I finally took off my blinders and I see it. And I don't know why, for so many years, I've let people stomp on me, take advantage of me, and treat me like garbage. I am so done with all of that. I'm done with 7th grade drama amongst adults. I'm just done. It's ridiculous and I have better things to do with my time and energy.

Sure, I'm hurt. And upset. And feel like eating a gallon of ice cream. But I'm not going to. Because that's lame. And really, I'm just kind of like - why am I going to let it get to me? Doesn't hurt anybody but myself. And it's less about what happened and more about losing friendships that hurts. But I've been through it before and I'll go through it again. The circle of life and all that.

Onwards and Upwards.

Who-za-what now?

I've realized I need to stop kidding myself. My blog will get updated when it gets updated. I can either put undue pressure on myself and then beat myself up when I fail, or I can be real. And being real means my blog updates will be sporadic for while, quite possible forever-ish. And that's ok!

So, the latest is this:

I have something called Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. It's ridiculous and stupid and one more problem with my health that I so totally need in my life. It explains why I've been so very exhausted (aside from the obvious baby who doesn't really think sleep is a necessity). But the unfortunate thing is that I have to wait for my Thyroid to fail before we can start medications. So srsly - get on with it.

In other news, many of my spare moments have been filled with sitting on the phone with Verizon yelling at them for being idiots. I canceled my Verizon FIOS account in August of 2008. That's right, nearly a year ago. Long story short, they messed up and have just continued to mess up. So after being kind and patient for 10 months, I'm fed up and have spent lots of time talking to a bunch of different people who aren't helpful. Hopefully I'm done with that today. I think I've also decided that I am going to drop Verizon Wireless as my cell provider because I've simply had enough of Verizon all around. Perhaps I will dedicate a post to that situation soon with a copy of the letter I am going to be sending to corporate.

So that's kinda where I'm at right now. I have a baby girl squirming in my arms, so I need to go and feed her and get her all happy and settled. We've had 3 good nights in a row, so hopefully the trend continues because for about 2 weeks there I was getting next to no sleep.

Summer is here, life is a little more low key, but company arrives soon and life is going to take a turn for the nuts. I'll keep you posted as I'm able. In the meantime - here's a cute baby who is now officially a ham for the camera!

Tuesdays Childs is Full of Grace

Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go,
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for a living,
But the child that's born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny, blithe, good and gay.

I always loved that poem growing up. I'm a Thursday, Soren is a Friday, Caroline is a Tuesday, and Alan was a Sunday. What about you?

So, Tuesdays (if I can keep with the habit), are going to be about things I am grateful for! God has given me many things to be grateful for, including His grace, which is why I brought up grace in the first place!

Today I am grateful for:

1. The warm-ish weather that has allowed me to be consistent with my walks and not wuss out because of rain! It's so gratifying when I come home, knowing I've done something good for my body and good for my spirit. Thanks to my sweet friend, Chelsea, who goes with me almost every day!

2. Cuddles with my kiddos. This morning I got a good cuddle from Caroline (not a frequent thing!) and Soren and I had time to play a game together before school, which is as close to a cuddle as I can get these days from him. He did give me a hug and kiss before school. I wonder how long that will last.

3. Fresh strawberries. Man do those taste so good! Mmmmm! Delicious and nutritious!

What are you thankful for today?

??? Mondays

Good morning! Or afternoon! Or evening! Or whenever it is that you might be coming across this little entry! For us it is mid-morning and Caroline is currently munching on her 'elevenses' bottle and trying to kick me so that I will relent and hold her and her bottle so she can be lazy.

I am trying to come up with ways to motivate myself to do a little blogging each day, so I am going to be stealing ideas from friends. Mainly because they are great ideas, but also to give me a jumping off point so I don't bore myself in the future by reading every detail of my day. They are all pretty much the same with little bits of excitement here and there.

So today is Monday. I'm debating between 3 different things for Monday. What do you think? I'll give you snippets and you can give me your opinion on which fascinates you more about my inner psyche. Or whatever.

Motivational Mondays: A motivational thought, synopsis of a motivational book, or just some ponderings that have motivated me to be better.

I've been reading this great book called The Four Agreements. I like to read a lot of varieties of books and this is one of those . . . metaphysical, existentialist, thought provoking kind of reads. I've been fascinated by the approach and the way I've been able to apply so many aspects of it to my life. It has made me stop and think about what I say, how I react to what others say to me, and how I approach each day. It has also reminded me that there is only so much I can get done in a given day/week/month and that is ok! I like books that remind me I do not have to be perfect but also encourage me to strive to be all I can be.

Media Mondays: Things that I've read/heard/etc. that intrigue me/annoy me/interest me/etc. that involve the media.

GASP!!!! Have I really been that sucked into mommy land that I somehow missed this info???? My favorite band, Barenaked Ladies (aka BNL) had lost a member! Not to anything morbid, but he left the band - after twenty years! Wowza. I was in shock when I read the news today (after hearing about it from my brother). And even more in shock that it happened in February and I didn't know and it's flippin' JUNE. How behind am I? So sad. I died a little inside, wondering how in the world some of the songs could even happen, let alone what their onstage banter would be like without Steve. I know this probably sounds a bit obsessive, but I've been in different stages of love with this band since . . . 1995? Yeah, that sounds about right. So, change is lousy. But it will be interesting to see where they go from here.

Musical Mondays: This is where I go on about something musical that I'm currently in love/hate with and/or has fascinated me recently.

The TONY's were last night! Yay Broadway! I don't usually sit through many awards shows (I could go on a very long tangent about the Academy Awards here, but I'll save you the misery), but the Tony's I love. Sure, I was bummed there was no Hugh Jackman to oggle over this year, but Neil Patrick Harris did a fine job. I really enjoyed getting the latest scoop on what was going on out there in NYC. I don't keep up with it like I used to, what with my graduating in Theatre and all, so it's fun to watch snippets of plays/musicals and hear the latest and greatest. I was very impressed with Next to Normal and Shrek The Musical looks awesome. Billy Elliot intrigues me, but I'm still unsure - even though it won a bajillion awards. It all made me miss the theatre a lot.

Well, I may have decided for myself (which is really what I should do) what I shall do with Mondays, but if you have an opinion, feel free to share.

I leave you with this adorable video of my babies:




On a side note, Princess won out in the end with her bottle and is now fast asleep in her crib.