Speechless

Do you sometimes sit in stunned silence because someone you thought you knew did something you never thought they'd do to you?

It's at times like this that I realize that we are never safe. If we have a friend who is willing to hurt others, they won't be above hurting you. And that is why I think I'd prefer to surround myself with people who do everything in their power not to hurt others, no matter how frustrating, annoying, and ridiculous people are - there is no reason to intentionally hurt another person.

So another page is turned, another chapter is closing. The writing was on the wall a long time ago, but I didn't want to see it. And now I finally took off my blinders and I see it. And I don't know why, for so many years, I've let people stomp on me, take advantage of me, and treat me like garbage. I am so done with all of that. I'm done with 7th grade drama amongst adults. I'm just done. It's ridiculous and I have better things to do with my time and energy.

Sure, I'm hurt. And upset. And feel like eating a gallon of ice cream. But I'm not going to. Because that's lame. And really, I'm just kind of like - why am I going to let it get to me? Doesn't hurt anybody but myself. And it's less about what happened and more about losing friendships that hurts. But I've been through it before and I'll go through it again. The circle of life and all that.

Onwards and Upwards.

Who-za-what now?

I've realized I need to stop kidding myself. My blog will get updated when it gets updated. I can either put undue pressure on myself and then beat myself up when I fail, or I can be real. And being real means my blog updates will be sporadic for while, quite possible forever-ish. And that's ok!

So, the latest is this:

I have something called Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. It's ridiculous and stupid and one more problem with my health that I so totally need in my life. It explains why I've been so very exhausted (aside from the obvious baby who doesn't really think sleep is a necessity). But the unfortunate thing is that I have to wait for my Thyroid to fail before we can start medications. So srsly - get on with it.

In other news, many of my spare moments have been filled with sitting on the phone with Verizon yelling at them for being idiots. I canceled my Verizon FIOS account in August of 2008. That's right, nearly a year ago. Long story short, they messed up and have just continued to mess up. So after being kind and patient for 10 months, I'm fed up and have spent lots of time talking to a bunch of different people who aren't helpful. Hopefully I'm done with that today. I think I've also decided that I am going to drop Verizon Wireless as my cell provider because I've simply had enough of Verizon all around. Perhaps I will dedicate a post to that situation soon with a copy of the letter I am going to be sending to corporate.

So that's kinda where I'm at right now. I have a baby girl squirming in my arms, so I need to go and feed her and get her all happy and settled. We've had 3 good nights in a row, so hopefully the trend continues because for about 2 weeks there I was getting next to no sleep.

Summer is here, life is a little more low key, but company arrives soon and life is going to take a turn for the nuts. I'll keep you posted as I'm able. In the meantime - here's a cute baby who is now officially a ham for the camera!

Tuesdays Childs is Full of Grace

Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go,
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for a living,
But the child that's born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny, blithe, good and gay.

I always loved that poem growing up. I'm a Thursday, Soren is a Friday, Caroline is a Tuesday, and Alan was a Sunday. What about you?

So, Tuesdays (if I can keep with the habit), are going to be about things I am grateful for! God has given me many things to be grateful for, including His grace, which is why I brought up grace in the first place!

Today I am grateful for:

1. The warm-ish weather that has allowed me to be consistent with my walks and not wuss out because of rain! It's so gratifying when I come home, knowing I've done something good for my body and good for my spirit. Thanks to my sweet friend, Chelsea, who goes with me almost every day!

2. Cuddles with my kiddos. This morning I got a good cuddle from Caroline (not a frequent thing!) and Soren and I had time to play a game together before school, which is as close to a cuddle as I can get these days from him. He did give me a hug and kiss before school. I wonder how long that will last.

3. Fresh strawberries. Man do those taste so good! Mmmmm! Delicious and nutritious!

What are you thankful for today?

??? Mondays

Good morning! Or afternoon! Or evening! Or whenever it is that you might be coming across this little entry! For us it is mid-morning and Caroline is currently munching on her 'elevenses' bottle and trying to kick me so that I will relent and hold her and her bottle so she can be lazy.

I am trying to come up with ways to motivate myself to do a little blogging each day, so I am going to be stealing ideas from friends. Mainly because they are great ideas, but also to give me a jumping off point so I don't bore myself in the future by reading every detail of my day. They are all pretty much the same with little bits of excitement here and there.

So today is Monday. I'm debating between 3 different things for Monday. What do you think? I'll give you snippets and you can give me your opinion on which fascinates you more about my inner psyche. Or whatever.

Motivational Mondays: A motivational thought, synopsis of a motivational book, or just some ponderings that have motivated me to be better.

I've been reading this great book called The Four Agreements. I like to read a lot of varieties of books and this is one of those . . . metaphysical, existentialist, thought provoking kind of reads. I've been fascinated by the approach and the way I've been able to apply so many aspects of it to my life. It has made me stop and think about what I say, how I react to what others say to me, and how I approach each day. It has also reminded me that there is only so much I can get done in a given day/week/month and that is ok! I like books that remind me I do not have to be perfect but also encourage me to strive to be all I can be.

Media Mondays: Things that I've read/heard/etc. that intrigue me/annoy me/interest me/etc. that involve the media.

GASP!!!! Have I really been that sucked into mommy land that I somehow missed this info???? My favorite band, Barenaked Ladies (aka BNL) had lost a member! Not to anything morbid, but he left the band - after twenty years! Wowza. I was in shock when I read the news today (after hearing about it from my brother). And even more in shock that it happened in February and I didn't know and it's flippin' JUNE. How behind am I? So sad. I died a little inside, wondering how in the world some of the songs could even happen, let alone what their onstage banter would be like without Steve. I know this probably sounds a bit obsessive, but I've been in different stages of love with this band since . . . 1995? Yeah, that sounds about right. So, change is lousy. But it will be interesting to see where they go from here.

Musical Mondays: This is where I go on about something musical that I'm currently in love/hate with and/or has fascinated me recently.

The TONY's were last night! Yay Broadway! I don't usually sit through many awards shows (I could go on a very long tangent about the Academy Awards here, but I'll save you the misery), but the Tony's I love. Sure, I was bummed there was no Hugh Jackman to oggle over this year, but Neil Patrick Harris did a fine job. I really enjoyed getting the latest scoop on what was going on out there in NYC. I don't keep up with it like I used to, what with my graduating in Theatre and all, so it's fun to watch snippets of plays/musicals and hear the latest and greatest. I was very impressed with Next to Normal and Shrek The Musical looks awesome. Billy Elliot intrigues me, but I'm still unsure - even though it won a bajillion awards. It all made me miss the theatre a lot.

Well, I may have decided for myself (which is really what I should do) what I shall do with Mondays, but if you have an opinion, feel free to share.

I leave you with this adorable video of my babies:




On a side note, Princess won out in the end with her bottle and is now fast asleep in her crib.

It is easy to get a thousand prescriptions but hard to get one single remedy.

What a week it has been! I feel like I've moved into the doctor's office! Not really, I exaggerate. But you knew that already.

Ever since my sweet little girl entered the world . . . actually a few weeks before that . . . my body started falling apart. Rude! First it was the Choleostasis followed by the sudden jump in blood pressure and concerns of Pregnancy Induced Hypertension. Fun times! My poor blood pressure is determined not to return to normal (even though normal for me is high for most), so I'm juggling three different medications to try and control it. My liver function is better than it was but still twice as bad as the normal individual. It's coming down every month, though, so that's something. But a new development has started rearing it's ugly head. My thyroid has decided to flip out. So this week not only did I have a normal monthly doctor's visit (yep, I go every month), but I also had to do another blood draw (had one last week as well) in addition to an ultrasound of my thyroid! Ok, body! Enough of the stupid! I know this will all pass, but seriously......

This week on the way home from one of my visits to the doctor I ran into a friend (not literally) who was on a walk. I stopped and chatted with her for a minute and before I know it I'm signed up to go walking with her in the morning! We walked yesterday and today with plans to walk Monday through Friday after Soren hitches a ride to school on the bus. 2.5 miles. Mostly uphill. And when I say uphill I don't mean a super steep little hill, but rather a very long climb. Ha! It's been good, though. I enjoy her company and we push our strollers up the hill and chat about lots of different things. So great!

I'm sure there is more I should share, but I'm tired! I need a little nap before I partake in the rest of the day which includes a "Pride Night" at Soren's school where the band will be playing as well as a song practice for a piece that we (a group of ladies from church) will be performing on Sunday during church. I'd say thank goodness tomorrow is Friday, but it's going to be busy as well. And Saturday. And Sunday. I wonder what is on the calander for Monday?

Growing Up

It's interesting to me how much not only my life has changed - but how much I have personally changed in the past 6+ months. And how much everything around me is changing as well.

Oh, I'm still me. I'm still crazy and silly and a big ol' kid at heart. But for the first time in my life, I really feel like a mom. Maybe it's having two kids, maybe it's being older... I don't know. Maybe it's because I cook dinner 5 nights a week and am now baking my own bread (& grinding my own wheat). Maybe it's because we are eating things like chickpeas and fresh blanched asparagus. All I know is, I actually feel like I'm not pretending anymore - that I am a full fledged part of the "mom club." Strange.

I know I don't spend as much time on the computer anymore. Oh, it's still on - sitting there humming away. But I'm changing diapers, feeding baby girl, helping Soren with homework, cooking dinner, mashing up fun little foods to torment the princess with, cleaning up little messes, playing peek-a-boo and patty-cake... etc. The good news is that I am starting to find time for the things I used to enjoy - as a release - on the computer. That is a relief.

But, as cheesy, cliche, and silly as it may sound - nothing compares to the joy I feel in being a mother. I say that knowing that there may very well be people reading this who are currently in pursuit and/or feel as though that time may never happen for them. I say it also knowing that there are friends who have no desire to ever be a mother. We are all built different - emotionally, physically, etc. - so it is what it is. But I know that this is the job I was born to do. And, as tough as it might be on some days, there really is nothing that compares to a big hug from my boy, a huge smile from my girl, and the love that is ever present in our home. I love my babies.

On Wednesday, Soren came home from school with a packet previewing what the 5th graders will be discussing in Human, Growth, and Development (aka - Sex Education). I knew it was coming. So we sat down yesterday and had the most amazing 2 hour conversation I think we have ever had. I love that he talks to me. I love that he asks me questions. I love that I'm not too shy/embarrased to answer him. I love that we can have a dialogue that is eerily adult like and yet I can still chase him, tackle him, and tickle him later. It is strange, however, to know that my little boy is growing up so quickly. It hurts my heart a little to know that he knows all about quite a few different very grown up subjects now, but it's all part of the process of life.

Caroline continues to learn new things and gets a little bigger every day. She had her 6 month appointment earlier this week and was 15.1lbs and 27 inches long! That puts her in the 25th percentile for weight and the 90th percentile for height (surprise haha). She's starting to sit up on her own for little spurts of time, she actually plays on her tummy now (until she gets bored and then she rolls over), and she loves to talk, talk, talk! Her favorite phrase right now is 'da-da-da-da.' One of the things that she does that makes us laugh is trying to eat our faces, noses, chins, etc. I know it's something she'll grow out of before I know it, so we love it! Sometimes it is shocking to me that half a year has already passed by - some moments have gone so quickly. Other times it is a relief to know that some very difficult times seem to be behind us and, for now, we are able to enjoy her more and more each day. Three naps a day for 3 days in a row has not hurt, either.

As for me, I am slowly discovering myself again. I am starting to emerge from the post-birth 'mommy 24x7' fog. I've been able to have a girl's night again. I've been to play groups at the park. I'm starting a book club (although Alan and I may always call it The Finer Things Club. . . bwahahaha). I have wanted to be a mommy again for such a long time that I have been cherishing every second (even the crappy ones) of life with a new little baby in the house. But now it's time for me to be me again. But a newer me. A better me. A me with some more perspective on life. It's ok - I love the me I am becoming from the me I used to be. I'm ready.

One of my goals (aside from a clean kitchen sink!), is to try and journal/blog once a day at least on the weekdays. So we'll see how that progresses. I have a handful of other goals and hopefully, if naps can keep up to at least 2 a day, I can start really working towards them.

Today is a day off from school, as well as Monday, so I'm hoping Soren and I can scoot off to the library and then come home and try a new bread recipe! That should be fun because we are going to be grinding up some more grains and working with different flours - rice, oat, and buckwheat. Wish us luck!

And to end the post, I leave you with some fun pictures since I haven't shared for a while:



Baby girl, sitting in the garden box Alan built over the weekend! She loves to be outside. If she is screaming her head off (a habit that is becoming less and less frequent), we just take her outside for a few minutes and she calms right down!



Bwahahaha.... I always said I would never put huge bows on her head, but seriously? I just loved how funny it looked on her so we kept it on all day yesterday. Also, whenever I use the flash, she goes cross eyed. It's pretty funny. But hey, she's cute!



Soren wanted to jump in the box, too! Actually, we made him go in and then plopped Caroline in his arms - which he rarely says no to! Cute kiddos!



Here she is, sitting up! We call that toy her 'sitting up' toy. I usually only let her play with it if she is practicing sitting up! She's getting better, little by little. I'm enjoying the fact that she's not mobile quite yet, though.

Ok, that's all for now! I'm off to chill with my boy!

Homemade Love From Nae

OK! So this is how this works...The first five people to respond to this post will receive something made by me for you. My choice made especially for you. Of course there are some restrictions and limitations:~

1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make! (Of course, I will try to make something that I think you would like.)
2. What I create will be just for you.
3 It will be done sometime this year.
4. You have no clue what it will be... it may be a story. It may be poetry or an article on properly cleaning your face before a masque. I may draw or paint something. I may bake something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure. ;-)
5. I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.
6. I will send it anywhere! It doesn't matter where you live!

Yay - it gives me something to do!

That's all for now - more later!