12 Years Ago

Yesterday Alan and I celebrated our twelfth anniversary! Twelve years ago we were young, stupid, and in love. Now we're just older, a little wiser (but still pretty stupid), and definitely still in love. I am proud of us. We've been through our fair share of ups and downs, but we've made it. It's been hard - really hard - at times. It's also been absolutely blissful at times! Those times make all the hard times worth it. Let me see if I have a picture from our wedding day floating around my machine.....



That's one of my favorites actually!

I love my sweetheart. He makes me laugh, smile, roll my eyes right out of my head . . . he's taught me so many things including computer stuff, cooking stuff, serving others, how to relax, that I'm a good person who deserves to be loved... and so much more. I'm lucky to have such a great guy as my husband. Sometimes I talk to my friends about spouses and it helps me realize what an awesome husband I have - a guy who would go to the ends of the earth to make sure I was happy. He is such a talented guy - he's not just a computer nerd, but he's also got a great voice, can build anything, fix a car, cook a gourmet meal, grow a garden, clean a bathroom ..... but best of all he loves his family and we love him! What a great husband, dad, and man. Goodness, I'm lucky. Did I mention that?

So yesterday we celebrated by going to the temple, then we went to Black Angus for dinner. After that we hung out with my brother and his wife for the rest of the evening. It was a great day! I'm so grateful for parents who are willing to watch our kiddos! We had a great time and I've got pictures of our dinner, but I've got boys who want to play Mario Kart, so I'm off!

:)

What a summer!

I'm not even sure where to begin on my catching up....

I'll start here:

-Soren spent two long weeks away from us, but enjoyed visiting family in Utah. He was able to spend about a week with Grandma and Grandpa, just shy of a week with his Aunt Tiffy, and a few days with his Great Aunt & Uncle. Lots of fun for him! Highlights include going shooting with Great Uncle Dave (or Grandpa Dave) - he got to shoot a machine gun, a .22, and a .38 special and was in heaven (such a boy), going to Thanksgiving Point, swimming at SCERA, and being with family. He has always loved his trips to Utah, so I was not surprised that he had a blast.

- Caroline has recovered from her ear drum explosion. She is now eating solids about twice a day (if I'm not too lazy) and sleeping better, but not great. I've given in and generally will give her a bottle in the middle of the night if she wakes up wailing. Which she still does most nights. But she isn't screaming all night anymore and she does generally sleep in her bed, so that's nice. She can now get herself into a sitting position on her own, scoot herself all over the floor (she was never into rolling to get to what she wanted), and she is a on the verge of pulling herself up. The last two things happened in the past week. She was not this mobile last week. It really is amazing how fast they learn.

- Alan has been working hard and finally hit his one year anniversary at his job. This means he officially has 2 weeks of vacation/sick leave/etc. that is PAID. Hoorah - we can finally take a family vacation. Sometime. We sure love him and all the sacrifices he is making for our family. We're all hoping that the sacrifices won't have to be so extreme soon.

- As for me? I'm working off and on with web design, being a mom, doing church stuff, getting Soren ready for Middle School, and trying no to lose my mind. My health is slowly stabilizing and we are looking into a treatment or two for some pesky side effects of my many health issues. Hopefully as the winter rolls closer I will physically be able to start treatments again for another addition to our family. Unless my body decides on it's own that it can handle it. We'll see what the next few months hold for us.

Some exciting news? Soren passed his state testing (the WASLs) with flying colors. His councilor from his middle school called yesterday and said that, looking at all factors, she wants to put him in the higher math for 6th graders. I'm hoping he will thrive on the challenge. He did exceptional on his testing, exceeding expectations in all areas. He's a smart kid, but the move here has been rough on him. I'm hoping he can connect with a good group of kids this year.

I have loads of pictures to post but I decided to post them on Picasa. You can view them here.

We've had so much company this summer - it has been exhausting and awesome. There are more pictures to share, but I have to get them onto the computer first. Stay tuned!

Houston, we have lift off!

Not really. But baby girl did manage to roll from her back to her tummy on Saturday all by herself. And then she did it again today. Crawling is just around the corner, I'm sure. She already is fairly proficient at scooting backwards. Of course she's usually screaming while she's at it because she really is not a fan of being on her tummy.

Silly peanut.

I just needed to jot down that info before I forgot.

Also, Caroline has been spoiling me. Which is wonderful considering that most of July I felt like I had a newborn again with the amount of sleep I was (not) getting. The past few days she has woken up around 7ish and then we've cuddled in bed and both have wound up falling asleep again until close to 9. I love it! But, I know it must end. I have to get back to walking in the morning and soon school will start and I'll be needing to have us both up and going to help Soren get out the door on time. Cherish it while we can, though, right?

Our biggest struggle now is eating. It's an endless struggle with this girl! She would just rather be doing so many other things! Oh well, as long as she's growing and stuff, I guess I shouldn't worry too much. But, I still do!

Soren is gearing up for 11 year old scout camp that starts tomorrow. He isn't thrilled, but hopefully that will change. Scouting hasn't been his favorite thing, but I know it's good for him. He'll come around hopefully.

Oh wow, stinky diaper. Gotta go!

Not a broken record, a broken drum!

Instead of sounding like a broken record, I am reporting a broken drum.

Apparently, my sweet baby girl's screaming is related to a broken drum. Eardrum, that is. I took her to the doctor on Tuesday because I knew something was not right. A night or two here and there with sleeping issues is one thing. The entire month of July? Not normal. Teething I can understand, but this just was more than teething. I had that mommy feeling. She wouldn't let anyone but me hold her. She was whining most of the day and screaming all night.

What did the doctor say? She was fine. A little fluid in her lungs maybe, but everything else looked fine. Just fine.

Mmhmm.

Thursday morning my sister (who had been in town visiting) noticed some yuck in her ear. So she started to clean it out a bit with her finger and gobs of yuck came out. In her experience (she has 4 kids), yuck coming out of a baby's ear is not a good thing. So I called a pediatric clinic that a lot of my friends use and took her in that afternoon for a second opinion. It didn't take long for the pediatrician to inform me that her ear drum had burst. Not only that, but the antibiotics that my previous doctor had prescribed ("just in case") was not even an effective dose according to the american pediatric association. So, obviously, Caroline now has a new doctor. Last night we managed 8.5 hours of sleep. HOORAH! I still feel extremely sleep deprived, but I know it could be much worse so I'm just gonna power through.

There is much more to report and discuss, but I've got to get over the hump of sleepiness and back into the world of the semi-living. So for now, that is all I've got.

Thanks for the supportive words, advice, and virtual hugs after my last post! I was in a bad place when I typed it up and was just needing some major venting. Thanks for understanding! Still not sure exactly what combo she needs in order to get her sleeping back on track, but we're trying a few different things.

All Night Long

I feel like a broken record.

Forgive me, but Soren never did this to me and I don't know what to do with myself. What do you do when your child will not, no matter what you have tried, sleep?

Caroline just whines and cries all night long at least every other night, and sometimes every night. I am so exhausted - I have not felt quite this bad since she was a newborn.

Fed her? Check
Tylenol/Ibuprofen? Check
Cuddled her? Check
Tried tummy/back/side/etc. position? Check
Tried ignoring her? Check - she's in the same room as us, though, so it's a little hard (and, no, that can't be helped).
Rubbed her gums with something cold? Check
Ear infection? No idea, but she is generally fine all day long and will even nap once or twice with no problems. So who knows.
Is she sick? No runny nose, no cough, no poopie problems... slight fever once or twice, but it's so minor I don't even stress about it.
Sang to her? All the freaking time, but I think when it's an angry voice, it doesn't really help.
Put her down and walked away for a while? Yeah, but that just makes it worse all around.
Let someone else take her? Yeah, but it's fairly pointless. I still can't sleep and she's still crying.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just being a big whiny baby. Maybe I am and I should just get over it, but between a baby that won't let me sleep and health problems that have me run down anyway, I'm really starting to lose it. I'm not sure how much more I can take emotionally/physically/etc. It didn't really start getting to me until the last 2 times (Friday night and last night) that she did this. I started joining in on the crying and just am at a loss of what I can do to help her because her body needs sleep even more than mine does.

And if I have one more person ask me some form of the question, "You forget how they cry all night, don't you?" I may snap. I didn't forget - I never had a baby do this. Soren was nothing like her in that regard. Not only that, but I am not stupid. I know some babies cry a lot. But if:

A - you've never had a baby that literally can scream for hours on end all day and all night - I don't want to hear it.
B - you aren't in the thick of it experiencing it (again or for the first time), at least TRY to remember how you felt during it and rethink what you are about to say to me
C - you have some actual good ADVICE and not condescending comments that make me feel even more useless and stupid, then you can actually talk to me.

I know it's been 10 years between my kids - NOT my choice - but seriously, I'm not a freakin' idiot. Also, yeah, I'm a lot testy, moody, and generally grumpy when I do not get sleep for days and nights on end. I try, very hard, to put on a freakin' happy face, but it's hard, ok? So if I am short tempered, oh well. I'm doing the best I can.

This angry, annoyed, frustrated rant is brought to you by sleep deprivation.

(I am looking forward to the day I can look back on this period of life with Caroline and laugh. Really, really, really looking forward to it.)

Charlie Bit Me!!!

If you have not seen the YouTube video called "Charlie Bit Me," go look it up now cuz it makes me giggle. However, it's not as hysterical as Soren will tell you it is. Still, funny.

Anyway, I just wanted to put a note in here that yesterday we discovered 3 things:

1 - Caroline will fight dragons, curses, and mommy's fingers in order to get asparagus in her mouth.
2 - She has 2 teeth (bottom front) and isn't afraid to use them.
3 - Baby teeth are surprising when you don't know they are there.

Off to the grocery store to (hopefully) avoid the 4th of July weekend crazy crowds of doom. Wish me luck!

Speechless

Do you sometimes sit in stunned silence because someone you thought you knew did something you never thought they'd do to you?

It's at times like this that I realize that we are never safe. If we have a friend who is willing to hurt others, they won't be above hurting you. And that is why I think I'd prefer to surround myself with people who do everything in their power not to hurt others, no matter how frustrating, annoying, and ridiculous people are - there is no reason to intentionally hurt another person.

So another page is turned, another chapter is closing. The writing was on the wall a long time ago, but I didn't want to see it. And now I finally took off my blinders and I see it. And I don't know why, for so many years, I've let people stomp on me, take advantage of me, and treat me like garbage. I am so done with all of that. I'm done with 7th grade drama amongst adults. I'm just done. It's ridiculous and I have better things to do with my time and energy.

Sure, I'm hurt. And upset. And feel like eating a gallon of ice cream. But I'm not going to. Because that's lame. And really, I'm just kind of like - why am I going to let it get to me? Doesn't hurt anybody but myself. And it's less about what happened and more about losing friendships that hurts. But I've been through it before and I'll go through it again. The circle of life and all that.

Onwards and Upwards.