I should be getting ready for work.
I should be thinking about how to choreograph a song that my kids need to learn the dance to sooner rather than later.
I should be getting something to eat before The Bean really starts complaining.
But instead I watched an episode of "The Baby Lab" on Discovery Health. Being an emotional freak under normal circumstances, I was on the verge of tears so many times in the 30 minutes I spent watching the show that I had to watch an episode of "Clean Sweep" to cheer me up afterwards. In case you couldn't tell by the title, it's a show following people who have infertility as they go through procedures (all were IVF today) to try and become parents. Wow. I missed the first 30 minutes where you hear the backstories of the couples, but I didn't need to hear them to understand how they were feeling. It was heart-wrenching to see 2 of the couples receive the news that the procedure did not work. I was crying with them. Of course now I want to put myself through that emotional rollercoaster daily because I'm an idiot. Actually, what I really want to do is reach through the TV screen and hug each and every one of them. Because that's all I wanted. A hug from someone who understood. And I did not often find a kindred spirit during my treatments (until recently when God gave me 2 sweet angels who understand and many more who didn't but still were there for me). Poor Alan had to put up with me sobbing in my pillow knowing he felt just as sad but feeling he had to be the strong one and make it all better.
Anyway.
Emotional afternoon.
I also found out that 2 of my 'cycle buddies' (people who were on the same schedule as me, had the same procedure about the same time as me, etc) lost their pregnancies. Only 4 of us were successful, and now only 2 of us are still holding on. It makes me realize even more how lucky I am at this point. I am still a nervous wreck. Every time I do one of the dance moves with/for the kids in my musical theatre class, I worry. I was so nonchalant about it all when I was pregnant with Soren, but now.... I'm turning into a paranoid freak.
And now I must go to work and teach those moves to 2 kids who missed class the day I taught it the first time.
Anyway, I'll try to lay off the topic of pregnancy. I know it can get old to read about the same thing over and over again. And we do have other things going on. So next entry I shall discuss the glorious weather and how we haven't really been able to enjoy it because sweet Alan brought home DISEASE and ILLNESS. For rude!
:)
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3 comments:
I will never be tired of hearing about your pregnancy. If this became a pregnancy-only blog I would still read it and smile at every single post. I would still feel a little pitter-patter of happiness in my heart for you every time. I know I don't think about it as often as you - but I think about it a lot. And it makes me happy.
Girl, you deserve to rant and rave and go on and on about your pregnancy. Good gravy! I mean, really, it's your blog. You talk about what you want. And I am POSITIVE that everyone who reads this blog jumps for joy for you every time they read it anyway...I know I do! :) And you can be paranoid, too. It's ok. We all have paranoia about pregnancies anyway, regardless of how many we've had! When I was expecting Josh, someone told me that if you raise your hands above your head, that the umbilical cord would wrap around the baby's neck. And if you move too much that you could have a premature baby. So, duh me, I didn't move much during that pregnancy, and I got toxemia and was on bed rest and the cord was wrapped around his neck... With the other two, I exercised every day and jumped and ran around...and I wasn't sick, didn't have any bed rest, and there was no cord wrapped around any necks... So, dance away! It's good for you and the baby! :)
Nae, I hope that you know I have always been there with you and for you. Your journey was long, and I know very, very well all the feelings and emotions that come with the trying. I am so glad that you have such wonderful support, and that God is with you through your joyous celebration. Always keeping you in my heart and prayers. Please never hesitate to talk about what you feel. Just take care of you and your little bean will travel your path - heart in heart, hand in hand.
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