Oh, I'm still me. I'm still crazy and silly and a big ol' kid at heart. But for the first time in my life, I really feel like a mom. Maybe it's having two kids, maybe it's being older... I don't know. Maybe it's because I cook dinner 5 nights a week and am now baking my own bread (& grinding my own wheat). Maybe it's because we are eating things like chickpeas and fresh blanched asparagus. All I know is, I actually feel like I'm not pretending anymore - that I am a full fledged part of the "mom club." Strange.
I know I don't spend as much time on the computer anymore. Oh, it's still on - sitting there humming away. But I'm changing diapers, feeding baby girl, helping Soren with homework, cooking dinner, mashing up fun little foods to torment the princess with, cleaning up little messes, playing peek-a-boo and patty-cake... etc. The good news is that I am starting to find time for the things I used to enjoy - as a release - on the computer. That is a relief.
But, as cheesy, cliche, and silly as it may sound - nothing compares to the joy I feel in being a mother. I say that knowing that there may very well be people reading this who are currently in pursuit and/or feel as though that time may never happen for them. I say it also knowing that there are friends who have no desire to ever be a mother. We are all built different - emotionally, physically, etc. - so it is what it is. But I know that this is the job I was born to do. And, as tough as it might be on some days, there really is nothing that compares to a big hug from my boy, a huge smile from my girl, and the love that is ever present in our home. I love my babies.
On Wednesday, Soren came home from school with a packet previewing what the 5th graders will be discussing in Human, Growth, and Development (aka - Sex Education). I knew it was coming. So we sat down yesterday and had the most amazing 2 hour conversation I think we have ever had. I love that he talks to me. I love that he asks me questions. I love that I'm not too shy/embarrased to answer him. I love that we can have a dialogue that is eerily adult like and yet I can still chase him, tackle him, and tickle him later. It is strange, however, to know that my little boy is growing up so quickly. It hurts my heart a little to know that he knows all about quite a few different very grown up subjects now, but it's all part of the process of life.
Caroline continues to learn new things and gets a little bigger every day. She had her 6 month appointment earlier this week and was 15.1lbs and 27 inches long! That puts her in the 25th percentile for weight and the 90th percentile for height (surprise haha). She's starting to sit up on her own for little spurts of time, she actually plays on her tummy now (until she gets bored and then she rolls over), and she loves to talk, talk, talk! Her favorite phrase right now is 'da-da-da-da.' One of the things that she does that makes us laugh is trying to eat our faces, noses, chins, etc. I know it's something she'll grow out of before I know it, so we love it! Sometimes it is shocking to me that half a year has already passed by - some moments have gone so quickly. Other times it is a relief to know that some very difficult times seem to be behind us and, for now, we are able to enjoy her more and more each day. Three naps a day for 3 days in a row has not hurt, either.
As for me, I am slowly discovering myself again. I am starting to emerge from the post-birth 'mommy 24x7' fog. I've been able to have a girl's night again. I've been to play groups at the park. I'm starting a book club (although Alan and I may always call it The Finer Things Club. . . bwahahaha). I have wanted to be a mommy again for such a long time that I have been cherishing every second (even the crappy ones) of life with a new little baby in the house. But now it's time for me to be me again. But a newer me. A better me. A me with some more perspective on life. It's ok - I love the me I am becoming from the me I used to be. I'm ready.
One of my goals (aside from a clean kitchen sink!), is to try and journal/blog once a day at least on the weekdays. So we'll see how that progresses. I have a handful of other goals and hopefully, if naps can keep up to at least 2 a day, I can start really working towards them.
Today is a day off from school, as well as Monday, so I'm hoping Soren and I can scoot off to the library and then come home and try a new bread recipe! That should be fun because we are going to be grinding up some more grains and working with different flours - rice, oat, and buckwheat. Wish us luck!
And to end the post, I leave you with some fun pictures since I haven't shared for a while:
Baby girl, sitting in the garden box Alan built over the weekend! She loves to be outside. If she is screaming her head off (a habit that is becoming less and less frequent), we just take her outside for a few minutes and she calms right down!
Bwahahaha.... I always said I would never put huge bows on her head, but seriously? I just loved how funny it looked on her so we kept it on all day yesterday. Also, whenever I use the flash, she goes cross eyed. It's pretty funny. But hey, she's cute!
Soren wanted to jump in the box, too! Actually, we made him go in and then plopped Caroline in his arms - which he rarely says no to! Cute kiddos!
Here she is, sitting up! We call that toy her 'sitting up' toy. I usually only let her play with it if she is practicing sitting up! She's getting better, little by little. I'm enjoying the fact that she's not mobile quite yet, though.
Ok, that's all for now! I'm off to chill with my boy!
