Soren was not a screamer. I remember one time when he was brand new that he screamed so much that I was in tears in the rocking chair. And our first 3 days of trying to nurse were filled with screaming as well. I know it was 10 years ago, but I really don't remember middle of the night screaming that went on for hours...
Last night was very.... long. Caroline screamed and screamed even after I'd fed her twice. I had Alan get her a bottle (supplemental feeding #2 for the day) and I rolled over in frustration and went to sleep. When she woke up for her next feeding I was determined to have a positive, relaxed attitude. So she ate (with me staring at her making sure she was sucking AND swallowing) and fell asleep. Okay, I thought, fantastic. I went to lay her back in her crib and she started screaming and rooting again. What the heck? So I tried to soothe her and get her to go back to sleep. After about 30 minutes of screaming, I tried to feed her again. Same thing - she seems to eat off both sides and then crashes. Long story short, she screamed for almost 3 hours. I was in tears, not knowing what to do and, of course, blaming myself for not giving her enough to eat. This is the second night in a row it has been like this.
I really want to nurse. But if we have many more nights like this, I'm afraid I'm going to throw in the towel. She needs food and I don't know if I'm making enough or what is going on. It's hard to think that I could be starving her (not on purpose, of course - but we moms like to blame ourselves for everything, don't we?).
I'm not afraid to bottle feed. Soren was basically 100% formula fed, bottle baby. And he's turned out just fine, thank you. It's just... I think all women feel the pressure of nursing when they have a baby. And I feel like I gave up with Soren because I was young, busy, and didn't want to deal with it. Bottle was easier. I've said to myself that I would work at this with her since I am a lot more able to this time around. But I'm getting pretty frustrated. And if we are both going to be in tears in the middle of the night, is it really worth it? Right now, I don't know.
This weekend I'm going to see if she can take formula for the day and I will pump. Then I will compare how much I'm getting out to how much she's eating. And maybe that will help my supply a bit as well. I'm in the process of finding an electronic pump via Craigslist. I hope we can work this out.... I'm just tired and frustrated.
But I love her. And she is so worth every tear I might shed over this. And she is even worth every minute of sleep I've lost.
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6 comments:
Sorry I truly understand the frustration--Zach did that to me and so did Mallory. Mallory was awful. With Mallory I would give her two nursings--if she didn't settle down she would get a supplemental bottle.
OK - so I feel like I have much to say here since I have tried feeding my babies three different ways. Naomi was all nursing for the first 6 months. Asher was a nice mix for the first three months then all bottle. Isaiah was all bottle from Day One.
So here's my opinion... If nursing is what you want to do then you need to give it a fair chance. Give it a week or two more at least. I know it's hard - but you can do it. She'll learn. She'll eat. She's a smart girl. A nurse once said to me when I was freaking out about nursing, "This baby isn't going to let herself starve. If she's really hungry, she'll eat." Now, the problem is just that she may do that here and there for two seconds each. So you need to have the attitude of "If it takes me all day, I'm going to nurse this baby." Seriously. That may be all you do for the next week. But then she'll have it down and you can both move on with life.
Or...if you want to bag it then get over that Mommy guilt and just do it. But I'll tell you, bottle feeding does not equal no problems with feeding. Now that I've tried it all three ways, I won't be doing the "just bottle feeding" thing again. It wasn't as great as I thought it was going to be. I'll be doing a nice mix.
So, there's my 95 cents (way more than 2). Call me if you just need a listening ear to complain at. Been there, done that. Love you.
Have you tried putting her to sleep in her car seat? My first two screamed everytime they laid down to sleep because they had reflux and their poor little throats were on fire from stomach acid.
Abby puked everywhere everytime I laid her down but Gabe didn't. He would just swallow it back down, which is why I had no idea he had reflux. But I now know that there are several forms of reflux out there!
So, for at least the first 6 months of their lives they slept in their car seats. We would put a nice blanket in it and make it feel more like a basinet at night so that when they were finally able to go in the crib it wouldn't be so strange.
Give it a try, the worst that happens is it doesn't work. But at least you will know it's not reflux and that's a good thing. And if it does work, then you will know that it isn't what you are feeding her that is the problem.
Please don't beat yourself up about it, babies are so hard to figure out and both of you are still getting used to eachother. I promise it will get better!!
Love,
Alison
I'm going to write you an email so I don't overtake your comment area :-) love you!
Josh did the same thing to me. He ate...constantly...24/7. I didn't sleep for 2 years. I couldn't give him a bottle because he was allergic to milk and I wasn't sure about soy. It was horrible. Horrible, horrible, horrible. I had really bad Post partum depression. Don't let yourself slump into the depression part, it's hard to get out. From what I hear, a mix is nice. With Claire I was ready to bottle feed after a few days, but I didn't and she ended up being just fine. Andrew had no problems whatsoever. Every kid is different. I'm wondering what this one is going to do to me. Guess we'll see. Just make sure you take care of yourself. If you take care of yourself, you'll be able to care for your princess even better! Don't stress about it! (easier said than done, I know...)
I'm sorry. what a rough night. hope things go better and bottle vs. breast feeding??? you're the best judge. not everyone else. good luck!
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